The Joke Thread

[taslucas]

What's fb? Sorry, I just spent the morning at the dentist. It mustve been the painkillers.

Fb: facebook

Tap, crackle, pop

[mudnut]

Please remove excess puns from post.


Are you a member of the day jokes on fb?

I went to the pub for breakfast today, I had beer and PUNcakes for breakfast, bro. On the way home I was breathalised and got charged for having one PUNt too many.

[lorrieandjas]

Little Johnnie gets a new trainset for Christmas. He is playing with it so much his mother wonders what he is doing so listens in on him from the kitchen. Little Johnnie is sending the train around the track and when it gets to the station he says - "Right - all you bastards who want to get off the train - get off my bloody train now - and all you buggers who want get on - hurry the bloody hell up!"

Johnnie's mother is horrified, but thinking she is mistaken keeps listening then sure enough as soon as the train gets back to the station again Johnny says - "Right - all you mongrels who want to get on my bloody train - get on NOW - and if you're getting off - hurry the bloody hell up!"

Johnnies mother storms in the lounge room where Johhnie is playing and gives him a whaling and sends him to his room for one hour telling him to think about the right way to play with his toys. Johnnie storms off to his room muttering and sure enough an hour later he comes out straight back to the trainset. His mother asks if he has learnt his lesson and he replies yes.

His mother goes back to the kitchen and listens in to make sure all is good - sure enough when the train gets back to the station little Johnnie says "All you nice ladies and gentlemen who would like to get off the train - please get off now. And all you lovely passengers who want to join the train please jump on now. And if you want to know why the train is an hour late blame the b*&^% in the kitchen!"

(Censored due to being a family forum - feel free to replace with your choice of expletive!).

Jas

[MEGOMONSTER]

I got a light bar for sale, not sure of specs 100000 lumens 29w each led 80" long. No pics live in Greenville but pick up from frankstona Going cheap bought wrong size. Need it bigger and brighter. Aus made. Exported and imported back.

[lorrieandjas]

I got a light bar for sale, not sure of specs 100000 lumens 29w each led 80" long. No pics live in Greenville but pick up from frankstona Going cheap bought wrong size. Need it bigger and brighter. Aus made. Exported and imported back.

Funniest joke I've seen for a long time!

Jas

[mudnut]

A group of aussies arrived in Cape Town. "Welcome to Sarth Ifrica," says their guide. "Once yuv chucked unto thu hotul, yuv gut a choice of a tour or arse carting."
Except for two young blokes, (obviously a couple), the aussies didn't like the sound of arse carting, so they went on the tour. Later that afternoon they all met in the hotel bar. The tour group were hot, tired and dusty, but the two young blokes looked refreshed and cool as cucumbers.
"How was the tour?"one bloke asked.
"It was magical to see the animals, but the heat and dust was horrendous,' replied one woman. "How was your day?"
"Well it wasn't what we expected, but at least it was cool at the rink."

[MEGOMONSTER]

I got a light bar for sale, not sure of specs 100000 lumens 29w each led 80" long. No pics live in Greenville but pick up from frankstona Going cheap bought wrong size. Need it bigger and brighter. Aus made. Exported and imported back.

Bump- still for sale
Unwanted birthday present
Brand new, fitted but never used
Still in box, but not original.
Aussie made, copied Chinese copy
Sort of looks like this but different
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1357805727.566284.jpg

[lorrieandjas]

Bump- still for sale
Unwanted birthday present
Brand new, fitted but never used
Still in box, but not original.
Aussie made, copied Chinese copy
Sort of looks like this but different
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1357805727.566284.jpg

Do you offer lifetime guarantee?
Does it change colours depending on my mood?

It does. Oh ok - I'll take 2 then!

Jas

[MEGOMONSTER]

Do you offer lifetime guarantee?
Does it change colours depending on my mood?

It does. Oh ok - I'll take 2 then!

Jas

Can you transfer funds through Moneygram please.
Once funds are received, I will send goods. Please allow up to 6 weeks for delivery.
Full money back guarantee up to 6 weeks from date of purchase.

[lorrieandjas]

Done deal. Should I post my credit card details here? You seem honest enough so I can trust you right? You're just trying to help out a forum member right?

Jas