The Joke Thread

[PMC]

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'

Regards,

RLI

[PMC]

German Tourist


A German Tourist jumped in the freezing waters Port Phillip bay in Melbourne to save a old ladies little dog!

Upon getting back onto the jetty, he checked the little dog over and told the old lady " Ze dog is ok, He vill be fine!

Due to his selfless heroic act, the little old lady asked, "are you a vet?"

He replied,"vet? I'm farking soaked!"

Regards,

RLI

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://youtu.be/AZZCVpeBKIA


Never argue with an idiot, cos he'll bring you down to his level, then beat you with experience. Y2K

[growler2058]

$&@?! I woulda belted the effers over the head with the shovel when I managed to get up


Sent from my tapped out thumbs

[Bob]

An elderly couple, Margaret and John, moved to Texas .

John always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, John stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "John, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, John yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, John. Shoulda bought a hat."

[MC97GQ]

If the answer is:

Cock Robin!

What is the question?

[MEGOMONSTER]

If the answer is:

Cock Robin!

What is the question?

What's another word for rooster, Batman.

[mudnut]

Time for a bit of pun.

10 puns went to a pun convention at a multistory hotel in New Zillund. On the first morning the puns went to breakfast. There was porridge or bacon and eggs offered. All 10 puns had the porridge. Moral to this is, that when it came to selecting bacon and eggs for breakfast NO PUN IN TEN DID.

(Sorry, but it gets worse.)

The puns went to the top of the building, drank wine and ate strawberries as they watched the city below. They all got a bit drunk and fell off the building, but there was a safety net and no pun was hurt. The moral is that when drinking wine and eating strawberries, one PUN-NET is sufficient.

(Yes, that one was mine)

In the afternoon, the puns went shopping. One pun bought a neon light and associated posters for his daughter's room. They then went for a tour in the surrounding hills, driving a Land Cruiser. The pun, ( A rather large muscle bound one) driving, hit a rock, lost control and smashed into a tree. All of the puns were ok, and the neon light was intact, but the Land Cruisers diff was shattered.

The moral here is that a Land Cruiser diff is not as strong as a PUN-NEON.

(Remember it is still in New Zillund)

The smallest pun got really upset at the big pun who was driving. They had a full on PUNch up. The small pun kicked the big puns bum, so badly, that a passerby called the police, and an ambulance. The big pun was whisked away to hostpital with a THUM-PUN head ache. The police arrested the small pun and threw him in jail.

The moral is that if you fight against a WEE-PUN you will most likely loose.

In jail the fiesty little one PUN-DERED his predicament. He remembered he was once friends with the Prime Minister so he made a phone call. Upon hearing the story the Prime Minister PARDONNED THE PUN.

[P4trol]

Please remove excess puns from post.


Are you a member of the day jokes on fb?

[mudnut]

Please remove excess puns from post.


Are you a member of the day jokes on fb?

What's fb? Sorry, I just spent the morning at the dentist. It mustve been the painkillers.