The Joke Thread

[nowoolies]

RECESSION USA STYLE


The recession has hit everybody really hard...


My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.


Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.


CEO's are now playing miniature golf.


Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.


A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of
pennies while she danced.


If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.


McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.


Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .


Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.


My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!


A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico .


A picture is now only worth 200 words.


When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.


The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.


And, finally....


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide
Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan , and when I told them I was
suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.