You can always manage trans temps with the manual TC lockup. Just engage it when not under load and avoid loading it once locked. You'll see the temps drop quickly.
There are those who are happy to keep their TC manually locked during shifts but I avoid it as does the factory behaviour.
Castrol TransmaxZ is considered the best trans fluid but it costs. I use Nulon multi-vehicle synthetic. The important thing is that they flush the whole trans with it, about 12 lts, not just the 4.5 lts in the pan.