Paul, I am so saddened with what is going on. The worst thing I have ever said about you is to anyone is "The people you meet on the internet." And that was tongue in cheek.
I have travelled hundreds of kilometres to meet with you, I have laughed at your stories. I have offered encouragement and support when you were going through hell with you medical condition.
If that makes me a "Gutless Turd", in your opinion, then I will just have to live with it.
After reading the allegations made about you, and re-reading some of the claims you have made, I don't know what to think of you or to say to you, except:
If you can hold your head high be proud of what you have accomplished in your life, then do so, but everyone makes bad judgement calls and some can't admit when they have made mistakes, whether huge, or small. The pressure on you at this moment in time must be immense, and I believe you need to seek help in dealing with it for you and your families sake.