Depression

[DX grunt]

so i guess this post belongs here.. Its going to be short because i'm at work and about to head into a meeting.

Last night I tucked my infant son into bed, waited until he'd settled, and then collected my clothes for work today and jumped in the currently plague ridden mobile fortress and drove 45 minutes to the couch i would be sleeping on and my interim accommodation whilst i figure out how does ones wife stop loving you, how does ones wife say they cannot live under the same roof as you and how does one not make the mistakes his own father did when his parents separated and ultimately divorced....

Im not going to do anything stupid, i have my son to live for so thats not even an issue, but the absolute earth shattering devastation that sees me randomly break down sobbing and incapable of speaking is so much worse than ive ever experienced in a life that has seen some highs and more lows than most has rocked me to the core. Of course today they then announce a restructure that whilst has no immediate concern for employment absolutely hamstrings 4 years of best practise delivery and career planning despite a very carefully and well considered submission during consulting phase that would future proof the organisation and yield outstanding customer experience uplift - basically everything i am passionate about professionally and personally has in the space of 30 hours been ripped violently away from me and to my mind the battle i see ahead of me on both fronts to retain even a grip is almost, almost, beyond reach.

I am not giving up, I will fight but right now I am sadder than i have ever been before - chances are i'll have a parking ticket on the car to round the day out...

Anyhow - What im going to take from this and what i hope others do is that ive been through some pretty ordinary (understatement) crap in my life but this is by far the worst, and I am not giving up. I am not waiting for someone to walk up and lick me up because that is my job. I am responsible for me. I am going to make the best out this situation somehow. I am going to find a way that suits everyone and ensures i still get tto be the dad i never had, that i dreamed i would be and that my son deserves. somehow.......

anyhow, thanks for reading...

PS have you ever noticed that at times like this every friggen song you hear is about lost love or please stay etc etc etc... Universe, God, Aliens whoever its not funny

Firstly, thank you for sharing part of your life with me.

Without going into too much detail, about 16 years ago, I separated then divorced.

I had to leave behind my 4 boys aged from 2-12, so I fully understand your roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings.

I've had temporary accommodation, too. I lived in a converted bathroom at a caravan park for a while, until I sorted myself out.

I'd strongly encourage you to seek professional help - sooner rather than later, please. I didn't for such a long time and found that it did help.

I don't know you from 'a bar of soap', but you sound like the type of bloke that would have unconditional love for his son. Hang onto that- no matter what!

You are 'special', Dave. We all are, in our own unique way.

Take care out there, bro.

Rossco