What did you do to your Patrol today!

[Clunk]

loaded the car with kids and missus, turned the key and cheered to a wonderful sound of sweet FA....... tried again.... nothing. Jiggled auto gears...... tried again....... still nothing. Swore at it..... still nothing.

Unloaded the kids an missus and jumped in her shit box Honda Jazz instead....... turned key, fired first time. Swore at it. Drove off to meet friends for bbq and drinks at a park.

Few hours later, got home. Jumped into GQ, turned key, still nada. Could hear relays switching but head lights, central locking not working. Checked battery voltage, all sweet. Proceeded to check all fuses, all good. Swore more, gave up and called RAC.
They arrived half hour later while I was mowing the lawn. He turned key.... nothing but clicks. Takes of live battery terminal, cleans with round wire brush, replaces, tightens, then asks me to turn key. I turn key and the bastard fires up no problem, I swear more because I now feel like a complete prick..................

Moral of the story........ if you're an incompetent fool like me, join the RAC.