Rli hospital sit-rep!
Well, fark me swinging lounge lizards !
Currently I am high as kite on the pain relieve medication, ye-haaaaa babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
The operation went fine on Monday, after three hours of surgery the dreaded Threedogs (Shit-bag is finally removed! lol)
Anyhow folks, i have already embarrassed the wife, sorry darling! Farkk it’s not my fault that i came out of the operation with an extremely large hard-on and then fell of my bed onto the hospital floor stark naked in the recovery room.
Gees, I do not know what all the fuss is about, I cannot remember a bloody-thing, apparently the nursing staff were pissing themselves laughing at my expense, where’s the dignity in that! Bloody nissannewbys fault.
Well the farken drama has already started (why me o’lord) after the op I have had difficulty with urinating, the bloody morphine as hindered in me having the ability to take a piss. One of my nurses (butch) read the riot act, Paul start pissing by 2.00 am or else, I piped up “what do you mean by or else” As quick as a farken flash, with the glint of pleasure in her eyes, she replied with a brutal grin “catheter insertion Paul”!
I am starting think like Get Smart, “not the dreaded catheter insertion Butch, it’s the farken ninth time I have had this done, gulp”
With two hours to go, I am not even looking like having a piss and what make this scenario worse, Butch knows this!
The best way to describe the situation lounge lizards is like two farken gunslingers preparing to shoot it out, in one corner Butch with two six guns strapped to her hip, drawing her guns and twirling them around her fingers farken extremely cocky and in the other corner me armed with a knackered shanghai and with no stones to fire! In other words I am farked!
As sure as shit, 2.00 am arrives and not a piss in sight, Butch armed and ready proceeded with delight by slamming into the poor old “Wang” the 2 foot nylon catheter, I swear if Butch could have had her way she would have wrapped around course sand-paper around the catheter before insertion. lol
I did my best Homer Simpson voice during insertion “doh”
Today whilst walking around the ward, I noticed three other Trendsetter’s carry there catheter bags, suddenly I am thinking to myself, I wonder if they were notches on Butch’s belt too, then low and behold out of left field there she was "Butch" about to commence afternoon shift, she causally looked over towards the four of us, I then knew in an instance, yep they certainly were.
PS, time to go for a nap!
Regards,
RLI
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