The story so far....
Once upon a time, I saw Timbo driving through a massive mud pit, then suddenly, out of no where, aliens came down with photon rays and blasted the rear of Timbo’s engine, which gave everyone a big shock, because the oil spurted everywhere.
The 4wd suddenly had superpowers and flew off to Bert Newton’s house in the hills, where the alien’s headquarters are. Bert’s troupe was the leader of the extraterrestrial Toyota Club for intergalactic losers.
When Bert gave his troupe to his son, Matthew, he became violent and started beating his Bratwurst with hot chilli mustard, which burnt like a flaming hot galah.
When the aliens saw Paul, they were horrified, because he was wearing a dress, with a shotgun loaded with salt. “Why didn’t he wear men’s clothing”, said Bert? But little did he know that Timbo had a cunning sense about dressing with effete style, and feminine looks.
Lucky for Timbo being gay, he shot gay vibes and was happy. Suddenly, Bert Newton and Dame Edna grabbed the troupe and alerted Andy how big his man b00bs are. But Andy just ignored the fact that he had massive man b00bs.
The aliens saw Andy’s man b00bs and forced the huge set away. His ego was about to be crushed when Ferret undid his belt and gave him four of the finest Swiss chocolates that were covered on Nobby’s nuts. So poor Nobby was in a, shall we say, nut less predicament!
After this, the police took a bribe but shot the aliens’ leader with a tazer gun nineteen times before Bert could rescue Ernie, who had a medical condition that no one could be seen sneaking into the rotten human flesh being eaten by tick infested rodents from Bert’s cellar.
No quitter, Bert got up and shook off dust, only to find a whopping great wart on his massive length of his extended and grotesque fore……..arm.
Timbo hates AB with a passion because his man b00bs were suffocating Timbo’s personal space. The stench was also quite foul and although he tried, he could not muster the strength to lick them again. But he did put them in his face, only to be caught by his mum.
She said, “Andy, I told you to clean you teeth first”, so she handed him an brand new angle grinder, and Andy started grinding away at Bert’s lipstick, only when suddenly the troupe caught fire, freaked out and quickly opened another can of lube and then rubbed it all over a length of barbed wire and inserted it into a small space between the crack in his hairy and pimple infested gluteus maximus.
When a happy thought popped into BigRig’s mind that brought a sense of tingling to his toes, he realized I need a new socks because I stained mine after that really dirty night out with that blow up Llama and sheep skin seat from AB’s cupboard, so in other words, change your socks!
Blow up animals are only good if AB uses the forum to sell them to children which the then grabs Timbo as an alibi to arrest BigRig, because he dropped a pile of steaming hot dog recipe book, which the Asians loved.
The police arrived, with Bert following on a tricycle, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx was hanging her rather fully ripe melons over the fence.
So, much to the ferret’s delight, he started swinging on the melons until he ???? and while he cleaned the fence, the police officer turned to his senior officer and blew a kiss.
Rusty Nails got a strange feeling inside and grabbed the cops’ ID badge then Plasnart cried because he wished Bert had kissed a toxic waste heap.
Suddenly, a huge cat walked up and licked Andy’s moustache off. We chased the cat into a UFO, then Andy frisked Bert and took off his undies and started to wrap them around his freckled swollen bullfrog, which was strangling the aliens for Andy’s lip gloss.
But look out, Toddrhind comes quickly to the rescue with a bourbon in his hand and a pavlova in the other ,down the front of his bulging flat bottomed tyre that had been resting on Finly’s throat.
So two big fat a$$es came waddling through Andy’s bedroom door, to find Ferret and feed him some good old red hot chilli’s which made his sulphuric intestinal acidomatris cause a lot of diuretic discomfort, making Finly feel like an old souk, because when the pressure blew, Andy bolted to lick it up, but DX grunt’s dog beat him there. Then it rained, so Andy took out the shotgun and without a second thought, he let it rip. No feral dog!
But Andy accidentally, overwhelmed with guilt, missed the target and shot the troupe clean off the feral dog’s owner. Then the blood started gushing from every part of his sun burnt, pimple faced, fugally heavily lipstick coated, heavily mutated, unlovable excuse for a head, hairy butt cheek, not to mention the damage caused by the hideous beating he got breed out of Andy’s last attempt at fixing Rossco’s amazingly lengthy piece of chain for recovering Landcruisers and Timbo’s Jeep.
But alas, it was BigRig’s Volkswagen that did absolutely nothing and fell apart. Andy’s “welding” sure didn’t help things, along with ferret’s less than satisfactory views on Volkswagens’. Even the latest models don’t compare with the 4cylv8.
How can one old Lada Niva with triple carbies blow so much pavlova and cream out of the mike? So Ted was very happy, but Kylie was not happy Jan, because she didn’t finish the job at hand. Maybe it was the four sisters that made Ted vomit when they touched themselves on the Lada back seat.
But the sun burnt their pink bunny slippers that were wet because their houseboat had a lonely fella who’d been squashed, needing nursing every day by two scantily clothed succulent bikini modes, who were handing indeed for getting off mud from my new Ute that got cat scanned.
Oh well, back to Mini Moke touring around fish ponds, when it rolled, hitting a horse. Toyota behind him blew up again. Much to everyone’s disgust, a BigRig got stuck in his exhaust gasses and burnt his marshmallows of the rusty tail pipe, then had to scrape the remains off the black dried, smelly dog, that was lunch for gec and BigRig to share.
Not very tasty, but full of yucky slimy kudies, that gave them the sh!ts for a week, and made a mess of the new Lada seat covers. Poor Neva….Phew, it sure did stink a bit.
The roses bloomed a week ago, then slowly wilted, and now they are rotting away into smelly mulch, fertilizing the soil in amongst the beautiful tree ferns growing high above the rain forest in a fairway deserted local landmark.
Unfortunately the inhabitants forgot Mr Sthil, potato peeler, which let fury stuff grow all over. All the organisms in his fishbowl had been smashed on rum and coke and other easily acquired stuff and giving them a hangover, which Berocca may fix, but then again, hair o the dog is a likely cure for all the morning after – although other remedies failed to work. And for now, the toilet is home sweet home for as long as I keep both cheeks planted in a firm, yet gently was that’s pleasing to just about every inch of my burning butt cheeks, to be smacked where it hurts.
I can reach the dunny roll with mega muffins partaking in the porridge ceremony. The moral of the partaking of wine..”He who drinketh, suffereth the consequenseth”. Later that day I found myself hugging the bowl and calling “Raaaaallllf” and “Huuuueeeeeey”, too, followed by Herrrb”, then by ‘Ralf” and “Youuuuurh”. But the sixtieshave nothing compared to the 70’s where God is love and VW Kombi’s don’t rust.
Then there was a new pop group called ‘Flower Power’ and they were very flamboyant characters, who never sung ‘Three little Pigs”, but they sang Elton John’s song to the beat ‘Green Sleeves’, but they were always playing it on out of tune, whilst smoking the front wheel drive ice cream van. Not to mention every time they play the banjo, the fiddler starts fiddling with his out of tune strat that is as useless as it can be – with no strings.
However, due to the size of the tremolo bar, he found that it served cold salad and chips on a cracked plate with flowers and a sprinkle of nut meg. Served for desert was found wanting more and more, hence he’s discussed ways of making percolated coffee too, make a lovely frothy type head on his berer.
Then his missus drove his 4wd into the fence. The b!tch also bit his best fifty cent coin in half and swallowed it down with a nice greasy piece of under cooked bacon. Mmmm, and then cracked rotten eggs, by dutch oven, sticky gooey messy in the back parcel shelf of a brand new billy cart racer. With two stroke against it already, the Patrol revs into the red, then cough, phart, it blew apart. Shame on you who didn’t believe the 4.2 blew them all away, then broke down until parts arrived, but it was driven by old and trusty 3L
Then woke up in lost city and realized that his Toyota Hilux fell over on the dune over his lunch box. Damn banana peel helped him slip and slide all way down to Sh!tters Ditch near the billabong, so out with the portable shovel and the ferret.
Grab him by the bulbar and reef him out. Silly little bugger and dirty little scrubber had a matted coat of many colors, and, smelt like it had been rolled in doggy doo and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.
Although it seemed pointless at the beginning, it is a never ending saga of what could have been, but never is, as simple as taking candy from a toothless old koot, with no idea that candy stuck in his bib from a week earlier, that the aliens stuck in there to after probing him from behind with a big thermometer on a stick made from soft compound it shattered when it was invented too.
But one wonders how it could even squeeze through a bonnet scope they had used previously in an experiment, which nearly caused a meltdown of BigRig’s private hairy wombat, who was rather proud of his unusually large burrow lined with Andy’s “Donation money’ tin still rattling, but then it suddenly went quiet.
The Lone Ranger, riding Tonto in backwards, and drunk, led by Silver, dropped a huge pile of steaming dong on the doorstep of the Tojo in the local dump, where they found a brand spanking new Kia Sportage. Only there’s a troll which had just run over it.
Shame, shame, shame were the last words heard by Derryn Hinch’s listeners, before the towage dragged him out to the paddock and flogged him till he wet his tight little pair of shorts, on his big rear wheel drive monster GU Ute, that should be mine, but couldn’t be registered to people of the height of a Lada Niva or Russian giant, and then he………. TO BE CONTINUED.
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Originally Posted by Plasnart
