The Joke Thread

[patch697]

Hymn #365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said,
'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said,
'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down..

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing,
'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn No 365,
'Shall We Gather at the River.'

[patch697]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.....
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our f&%king tent!!!!."

[patch697]

Dear gangsters you might be able to outrun the cops faster if you pull up your pants !!

[patch697]

One snowy winters day Mickey Mouse was walking down the street and saw "Mickey Sucks!" written in the snow & it appeared to be written in someones pee.

Well Mickey was outraged & as soon as he returned home he called the police and told them all about what he had found.The officer told Mickey he'd send someone to investigate & the very next day the police called Mickey back.


"Mickey" we have bad news, and we have worse news, the bad news is the pee was Goofy's and the worse news is it was Minnie's handwriting!"

[rockndot]

Till present moment I newer think that Patrol can be in role of eighteen-wheeler truck.

An etremaly happy inventive, in a anything goes world, lucky bastard,lol
abslutley love it.

[Wine_maker]

We must be very proud

[Wine_maker]

And what about industrial hydraulic machine? (Hydraulic or pneumatic hummer or drill I think)

[Maxhead]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Darwin

She wanted a pair of genuine crocodile shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself a crocodile.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot crocodile swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the crocodile on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

[BillsGU]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Darwin

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

You nearly had me believing this one - except for the fact that I know there are no alligators in Darwin - only crocks !!!

[Maxhead]

You nearly had me believing this one - except for the fact that I know there are no alligators in Darwin - only crocks !!!

Haha, fixed now