The Joke Thread

[growler2058]

HahahahahhahHahhaHa very good Pauly

[patch697]

hahahahahahaha............. Love it

[patch697]

I like this..... Its very clever

[patch697]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins totalk. Everyone else in the room stopsto listen.

Man: "Hello?"

Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only two thousand pounds. Is it okay if I buy it?"

Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

Man: "How much?"

Woman: "I think its 68,000 pounds."

Man: "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. The asking-price is 1.25 million."

Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 1 mil."

Woman: "Okay, honey, you're the best! I love you!"

Man: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

He starts to smile and asks: "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"

[belzi82]

okay - Christmas cracker time!!!

What do you call a crate of ducks??? A box of quackers
What do you call a man with a spade on his head??? Doug
What's furry and minty? A polo Bear
What animals need oiling? Mice, because they squeak

[patch697]

okay - Christmas cracker time!!!

What do you call a crate of ducks??? A box of quackers
What do you call a man with a spade on his head??? Doug
What's furry and minty? A polo Bear
What animals need oiling? Mice, because they squeak

Considering you like Naughty Corner, thats shameful...............hahahahahahaha

[patch697]

A recent study shows that 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

[patch697]

My daughter was trying to convince me that the dress she was going out in wasn't slutty, but I saw right through it.

[Bushpig]

After landing my new job as a Bunnings greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Bunnings.”
I then said, “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”
So I replied, “I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings”
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

[patch697]

Seven year old Susie approached her mother one morning and asked, ‘Mommie how old are you?’ To which her mother responded, ‘Now Susie, that is not a question you should ask a woman.’
Susie then replied, ‘Well, how much do you weigh?’ Once again her mother said, ‘Susie that is another question you never ask a woman.’
Perplexed, Susie was sitting on the steps when her best friend eight year old Anna came by. ‘Why so sad?’ Anna asked. Susie replied, ‘I asked my mother how old she was, and how much she weighed, but she wouldn't tell me.’
Immediately, the ever worldly Anna put her hands on her hips, lilted to one side and advised Susie to get her mother's drivers license out of her purse and she could get all the answers.
Triumphantly, Susie marched into the kitchen where her mother was preparing dinner and announced, ‘I saw your driver's license, and know you are 35 years old.’ She continued with, ‘And I know you weigh 135 pounds.’ Susie's mother sighed and admitted to her age and weight. Finally Susie exclaimed, ‘And...I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.’
Puzzled by this remark her mother asked, ‘How do you know this?’ Susie waved the license in the air, and replied: ‘It says right here you got an ‘F’ in sex!!’