Depression

[oncedisturbed]

so i guess this post belongs here.. Its going to be short because i'm at work and about to head into a meeting.

Last night I tucked my infant son into bed, waited until he'd settled, and then collected my clothes for work today and jumped in the currently plague ridden mobile fortress and drove 45 minutes to the couch i would be sleeping on and my interim accommodation whilst i figure out how does ones wife stop loving you, how does ones wife say they cannot live under the same roof as you and how does one not make the mistakes his own father did when his parents separated and ultimately divorced....

Im not going to do anything stupid, i have my son to live for so thats not even an issue, but the absolute earth shattering devastation that sees me randomly break down sobbing and incapable of speaking is so much worse than ive ever experienced in a life that has seen some highs and more lows than most has rocked me to the core. Of course today they then announce a restructure that whilst has no immediate concern for employment absolutely hamstrings 4 years of best practise delivery and career planning despite a very carefully and well considered submission during consulting phase that would future proof the organisation and yield outstanding customer experience uplift - basically everything i am passionate about professionally and personally has in the space of 30 hours been ripped violently away from me and to my mind the battle i see ahead of me on both fronts to retain even a grip is almost, almost, beyond reach.

I am not giving up, I will fight but right now I am sadder than i have ever been before - chances are i'll have a parking ticket on the car to round the day out...

Anyhow - What im going to take from this and what i hope others do is that ive been through some pretty ordinary (understatement) crap in my life but this is by far the worst, and I am not giving up. I am not waiting for someone to walk up and lick me up because that is my job. I am responsible for me. I am going to make the best out this situation somehow. I am going to find a way that suits everyone and ensures i still get tto be the dad i never had, that i dreamed i would be and that my son deserves. somehow.......

anyhow, thanks for reading...

PS have you ever noticed that at times like this every friggen song you hear is about lost love or please stay etc etc etc... Universe, God, Aliens whoever its not funny

Having been in the same boat nearly 14 years ago when my son was only 7 months old, I fully understand how you feel and what you're going through as do many of the members here, both those who have spoken out and those who choose to remain silent, no disrespect to those members.

It is a hard and sometimes very lonely road to travel, unfortunately the kids in many cases become the innocent victims.

It took a few years to sort itself out but luckily enough now that my wife and I get on well with my Ex and her partner for the sake of our son. We have been fortunate to be able to join in with bbq's, birthdays, camping trips and overseas holidays etc as combined "extended" families and are far better as friends then we ever were together.

Always show and tell your kids how much you love and care for them regardless of what happens with what you're going through, they will almost always see through any smoke and mirrors that are put up in front of them.

The members are only to happy to lend an ear if you or anyone else needs it, whether it is an email, SMS, pm or phone call.


Never underestimate the power of the tap, let it flow through you.

[Stropp]

so i guess this post belongs here.. Its going to be short because i'm at work and about to head into a meeting.

Last night I tucked my infant son into bed, waited until he'd settled, and then collected my clothes for work today and jumped in the currently plague ridden mobile fortress and drove 45 minutes to the couch i would be sleeping on and my interim accommodation whilst i figure out how does ones wife stop loving you, how does ones wife say they cannot live under the same roof as you and how does one not make the mistakes his own father did when his parents separated and ultimately divorced....

Im not going to do anything stupid, i have my son to live for so thats not even an issue, but the absolute earth shattering devastation that sees me randomly break down sobbing and incapable of speaking is so much worse than ive ever experienced in a life that has seen some highs and more lows than most has rocked me to the core. Of course today they then announce a restructure that whilst has no immediate concern for employment absolutely hamstrings 4 years of best practise delivery and career planning despite a very carefully and well considered submission during consulting phase that would future proof the organisation and yield outstanding customer experience uplift - basically everything i am passionate about professionally and personally has in the space of 30 hours been ripped violently away from me and to my mind the battle i see ahead of me on both fronts to retain even a grip is almost, almost, beyond reach.

I am not giving up, I will fight but right now I am sadder than i have ever been before - chances are i'll have a parking ticket on the car to round the day out...

Anyhow - What im going to take from this and what i hope others do is that ive been through some pretty ordinary (understatement) crap in my life but this is by far the worst, and I am not giving up. I am not waiting for someone to walk up and lick me up because that is my job. I am responsible for me. I am going to make the best out this situation somehow. I am going to find a way that suits everyone and ensures i still get tto be the dad i never had, that i dreamed i would be and that my son deserves. somehow.......

anyhow, thanks for reading...

PS have you ever noticed that at times like this every friggen song you hear is about lost love or please stay etc etc etc... Universe, God, Aliens whoever its not funny

Mate I know exactly how you feel, twice married twice divorced, the last one so bad I just can't bring myself to have a relationship as I just can't put my trust in another human that much, things will take time but trust me it will, been 15 yrs but I have had both my kids live with me and they have their own partners now and one has a son my first grandchild so yes things do get better but it takes a long time. If you need anyone to talk to pm me.

[dom14]

Hey Dave,
Sorry to hear you're going through some tough times mate, but you are lot tougher than you think.
These times will pass and you'll recover in no time.
And I have no doubts you'll be a good dad for your kid.
There's no easy answers why the relationships go stale and we don't feel the same way as before.
Sometime it's just hormones taking over and by the time we realize that we already have started a family. Other times, we simply grow apart as our individual lives take their own natural path, which leads to separation.
What you are now, not necessary what you were five years ago. We don't necessarily see ourselves change, but we do notice others going through such changes.
You and your partner may go your own ways for the long term, or may get back.
Either way, learn the valuable lesson that we can't base our happiness on our partners.

We are products of our parents. All the good and the bad comes with it.
Not making same mistakes as your parents is pretty doable, but not as easy as it seems to be.
Only way to break the cycle is to be conscious about it and do the best to be conscious about our decisions.

There's a subtle but powerful mechanism at work here. We tend to live our parents lives and make the mistakes they do. The amazing thing is that sometime, the very things we do to not make our parent's mistakes lead us in the same boat via backdoor. subconsciously we end up making the same mistakes by simply trying not to. Again, finding these behaviour patterns is not so easy. Then changing those behaviour patterns is even harder.

About the mid life crisis. It's an absolute crapper, and we all have to go through it. It is as inevitable as death, taxes and puberty, except there's no fixed age frame for to go through that down time. Some of us unfortunate animals, it can last for years, and you ain't gonna be one of them. I think you get your strength from a good source. One is your infant son, the other is yourself. For me, mid life crisis helped me to rediscover myself and my passions. I got into great hobbies like 4wd'ing and bikes, also a plethora of creative hobbies. I'm not sure not having kids has helped or hindered the recovery, but in the end you recover. Like they say, what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

My friendly advice is that be conscious of that and get some help. I know it feels like crap and crying all the time. But, it's ok to feel intensely sad and depressed at times. Talking to your mates or the family can help, but the best is to talk to a professional. A good therapist can ask you some good questions and help you to pinpoint where you did the wrong, or even help you to find out whether it's you at all. It's even possible you may have nothing to do with it at all. Sometime the shit just happens and we can't control everything.
These days we tend to take "happy tablets" from the doctor to get through depressive periods.
Personally, I think unless a person has pregenetic disposition to fall into longer depression, talk therapy is the way to go, be it a therapist or the family or mates. Depression feels like absolute crap, but it can also teach us valuable lessons of life, about how to get through tough times.

Letting go is not easy, but necessary part of life, be it for our personal growth or for the goodness of our loved ones. So, feel the sadness and then get your strength from it, then let go.

Don't necessarily expect your partner to understand you and help you with your most inner emotional struggles and changes you go through. Rarely one of us get a partner like that, but majority of us have to rely on ourselves. Your partner can love you, but not necessarily understand your depths. Having realistic expectations on them can help us not to base all aspects of our happiness on them.

Cheers mate
Dom

[SpecialDave]

I tip my hat with the deepest of gratitude to all of you.

Bad things happen to good people in riding the roller coaster of emotion keenly aware of where in the stages of loss I happen to be at any given time whilst also understanding my wife's are unlikely to be synchronised. Denial, Anger and Bargaining were instant and short lived and I find myself occupying depression and have decided it will be a short stay. I am aware however that acceptance may be a very distant state of mind and that the previous stages may at times suddenly overwhelm me.

I have been an ambassador for beyondblue and aside from never thinking I would need them I have and will along with our company assistance program.

But there is certainly something to be said for the kindness of strangers and you sharing your stores that evidence getting past this are extraordinarily kind and restore my faith in humanity. Thank you all for sharing and your support.




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[Cuppa]

I tip my hat with the deepest of gratitude to all of you.

Bad things happen to good people in riding the roller coaster of emotion keenly aware of where in the stages of loss I happen to be at any given time whilst also understanding my wife's are unlikely to be synchronised. Denial, Anger and Bargaining were instant and short lived and I find myself occupying depression and have decided it will be a short stay. I am aware however that acceptance may be a very distant state of mind and that the previous stages may at times suddenly overwhelm me.

I have been an ambassador for beyondblue and aside from never thinking I would need them I have and will along with our company assistance program.

But there is certainly something to be said for the kindness of strangers and you sharing your stores that evidence getting past this are extraordinarily kind and restore my faith in humanity. Thank you all for sharing and your support.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mate, I like the way you write .................you are special.

Cuppa

[dom14]

I found out that 4WD'ing, bikes etc are good to get the male aggression and risk taking out of my blood into a productive activity(well, within reason of course,)
Also found out introducing myself to meditation, nature, writing and music(learning to play an instrument and fool around with it) etc helped with the mid life crisis as well as finding out
a whole different side of me.
It can be pottery, painting, sketching, or any kind of soothing hobby your natural self can connect with.
One of my mate's been practicing martial arts for years, to get the aggression out as well as a soothing technique.
He does get beaten up occasionally and whines about the aches and pains, but for the most part, he's happy about the outcome.
I prefer the non contact version of it, as I can't afford to accidentally break wrists, ribs, teeth, etc.

So, I say with confidence, find more soothing hobbies that you can connect with, mate. When you find the benefit and the overall balance they give you.
you'll always find time for them.

[Snafu]

I tip my hat with the deepest of gratitude to all of you.

Bad things happen to good people in riding the roller coaster of emotion keenly aware of where in the stages of loss I happen to be at any given time whilst also understanding my wife's are unlikely to be synchronised. Denial, Anger and Bargaining were instant and short lived and I find myself occupying depression and have decided it will be a short stay. I am aware however that acceptance may be a very distant state of mind and that the previous stages may at times suddenly overwhelm me.

I have been an ambassador for beyondblue and aside from never thinking I would need them I have and will along with our company assistance program.

But there is certainly something to be said for the kindness of strangers and you sharing your stores that evidence getting past this are extraordinarily kind and restore my faith in humanity. Thank you all for sharing and your support.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Dave
This will sound hypocritical.
From someone that has and is still suffering from depression for a number of years seeking help is the best way to go. Myself who thought I can fix this and finally found out that I can't. This has cost me plenty in lost friends and my hobbys that I used to enjoy and was passionate about, amongst other things.
All I can say is don't walk the path that I have as it's bloody hard to return from it.
Keep your head held up and surrond yourself with friends and family.
I wish you all the best.
SNAFU.

[LaughingBeagles]

Well said mate and thanks for sharing.


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[BigRAWesty]

Hi Dave
This will sound hypocritical.
From someone that has and is still suffering from depression for a number of years seeking help is the best way to go. Myself who thought I can fix this and finally found out that I can't. This has cost me plenty in lost friends and my hobbys that I used to enjoy and was passionate about, amongst other things.
All I can say is don't walk the path that I have as it's bloody hard to return from it.
Keep your head held up and surrond yourself with friends and family.
I wish you all the best.
SNAFU.

Absolutely..
I nearly lost my wife as I was holding back a lot of shit.
she was just about to walk when I broke.
It was work related and she got me to take it further..
The problem is still here which Sucks but he is no longer my boss which is a positive..
She was my rock in my time of need.
Definitely recommend speaking out.
Even here.
There is always someone's ear to chew

[malik52]

awww so sad to hear about your experience. May GOD help you heal from all this stuff. please contact a specialist doctor and don't delay it dear