The Joke Thread

[Bob]

A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.”
This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.”
One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch.
The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.”
The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.”
The lady without missing a beat screamed “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!”

[Bob]

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

[growler2058]

That's GOLD BoB

[2TROLLFAM]

I place a frog dead in the centre of a circle. The circle has a 6mtr radius. A frog can jump 50cm per jump ... How many jumps will he make to get out of the circle ??

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[Punderhead]

I place a frog dead in the centre of a circle. The circle has a 6mtr radius. A frog can jump 50cm per jump ... How many jumps will he make to get out of the circle ?? Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

Is the frog dead?

[TPC]

Is it a zombie frog?

[2TROLLFAM]

Is the frog dead?

LMFAO well that was short and sweet !!! Yes - the frog is dead

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[2TROLLFAM]

Is it a zombie frog?

Could be .... I'm a girl, never thought of that LOL what's worse is I thought it was funny when my 9yr old told me

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[Bob]

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."

The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.

The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

[Bob]

Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked: 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?'
The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'