The Joke Thread

[Wine_maker]

Sometimes, when I write a letter to our partners to someone of them I really want to write - Deer Tom ....

[Bush Ranger]

Little Johnny farted in class one day and the teacher said `` Stop that Johnny``.
Little Johnny says `` Which way did it go miss?``

[firm351]

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.

Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you
know?'

Luigi answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.

How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ' Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'

Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... how do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being
played,Luigi asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red...He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart,
Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...'

Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God ....


I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes!'.

[BigRAWesty]

Ya can never stay mad at Dog...

[clubbyr8]

Apologies if this has been posted before......

A brunette walked into a room and saw her blonde friend whooping and hollering.
“What’s the matter?” The brunette inquired.
“Nothing at all. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The blonde beamed.
“How long did it take you?”
“Well, the box said ’3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!”

[MEGOMONSTER]

image-1305417040.jpg Courtesy of FB from my missus.

[AB]

I just remembered this...


Some of you may have seen some photos I put up of our family crossing the simmo in the late 80's and one photo in particular of my old man proud as punch Russel coight style doing a pose.

Winnie and I did a reenactment of the scene whilst up there....absolute pisser!!!

[93patrol]

One Monday morning Shane the postman was

Riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.



As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.



His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine

And spirit bottles for the recycling bin.







'Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented.



David, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt

Like moving since 4:00 o'clock Sunday morning .We had about 15 couples from around the

Neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around

Midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?'



The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'



Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet

With only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to

Guess who it is..'



The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'





'Probably a good thing you did,' David responded, 'Your name came up 7 times.'

[NP99]

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

[Hardyards]

Wife and I were overseas recently, and visited a small local zoo hidden behind a tall straw fence.
We payed for two entries and went in. We walked around acres of empty paddocks and busted, empty cages.
Finally, just near the exit we saw a small dog in a create...................... it was a Shih Tzu!