The Joke Thread

[stevecahoonz]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?




Because they taste funny!

Hahahahaha

[Gecko17]

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'

[Mac73]

An old bloke is sitting on his front porch when he sees a boy walking along the road dragging something behind him.
“what you got there son?” he asks
“chicken wire” replies the boy
“what you doing with it?”
“I’m gonna catch some chickens”
The old bloke laughs and watches him walk on. Soon after the boy comes back the other way carrying some chickens! The old bloke cannot believe his eyes.

The next day he’s sitting out there again when the boy once again walks past carrying something.
“what you got there son?” he asks
“Duct tape” says the boy
“what you doing with it?”
“gonna catch some ducks”
Once again the old bloke laughs and once again soon after the boy comes back past carrying an armful of ducks. The old bloke again cannot believe what he’s seeing.

The next day the young kid comes past once again carrying something in his hand.
“what you got there son?” he asks
“Pussy willow” says the boy
The old bloke jumps to his feet and says
“hold on two seconds I’ll get me hat”

[Mac73]

I was on the train this morning and an absolutely gorgeous Thai woman got on and sat across from me, as I stared at her I was thinking over and over to myself, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection.

but she did!

[Bush Ranger]

A bloke comes home after a hard days work, has a shower and gets ready for dinner. The grub was already on the table by the time he arrives when he sits down. He looks about the table and asks where`s the fork n knife? The wife ambles over to the table, swipes the dinner of it and throws it in to the bin. Then she says `` If you gunna talk like that, go get your own fork n dinner.``

[Winnie]

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

[Gecko17]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions,"he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand andwhispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

[threedogs]

two nuns in a cellar one says wears the candle? the other nun replies yes

[BigRAWesty]

two nuns in a cellar one says wears the candle? the other nun replies yes

Are you on those good pills again???

[Bush Ranger]

A bloke walks into a doctors room with a poached egg and a rasher of bacon on his forehead. He says `` Hey doc, it`s about my brother.``