G’day lounge lizards!
Gee wiz what a day. I left my father-in-laws place this morning in Newtown at 8.30 am with my daughter Maddie, my dad (Jim) my sister (Julie) and her partner (Shawn). First stop around the corner for take away coffee from buz muz/muz buss fark it, whatever you call it. Coffees in hand we then RV’d with Craig (Mud-Nut), Tony (TPC) at the Barwon river caravan park, we then headed to Bunnings Warn-Ponds to RV with Darren (MudRunner) and family and the rest of the Victorian motley crew!
Whilst posing for the usual obligatory forum photos, a couple of young blokes were having trouble with their Mitsubishi Triton dual cab ute, da, da Darren (MudRunner) to the rescue, the poor folks looked sheepish and stunned to have the Nissan Patrol Forum members to help with their plight. Good onya Daza, you really are a good bloke and not a prick as AB, BloodyAussie, fracster, NP99, Trekster and the barmy Army would have you believe. Lol
Finally, we are off and running to the start our trip, a beautiful sunny morning (we all thought, until it turned to shite, typical Victorian weather scenario.) Fark me swinging trendsetters, we are all driving in the middle of nowhere, and the only traffic on the road was the Patrol forum convey (11 Patrols) and a lone cyclist, then out of nowhere appears a revenue chasing, dick-brain squeezer of a police speed camera vehicle. I could visualize the lazy scrote, drooling from his mouth, thinking all his Christmases had come at once, only to be disappointed when we all drove pass doing 90ks in a 100 km zone. I am thinking to myself, (fark the scum-bag, I hope the toe-rag chokes on his coffee and croissants’.) lol
Finally, we hit the farken dirt, pull over and air down our tyres; BloodyAussie takes a farken piss, (using his magnifying glass to find his dick of course, lol)
We are into it, 4x4ing in the Otway’s, a very impressive bit of country side, a few mud puddles to play in, a creek crossing and the odd steep climb, unfortunately whilst travelling through this pristine area, we stumbled on areas where lazy scum-bags had left rubbish, which really pissed off our group.
Then finally excitement occurred, firstly Darren gets a phone call from his wife stating that a dozen pissed women were giving her trouble at their new business in Barwon Heads (apparently theses bitches had started drinking Vodka at 8.00 am and turned up for a therapeutic massage pissed to the farken eye balls.) Then Andy (AB) a couple of minutes later gets a phone call from his wife informing him that a Tiger snake was knocking at their front door.) Then to top it all off, whilst the group was parked off the side of the road a cock-head driving a blue Navara dual cab had his three hunting dogs chasing him behind his vehicle, when suddenly they decided to farken dart off to taste BloodyAussie’s little Jack Russel dog.
Mayhem has the driver of the Navara ute hastily reverses back his car at a great rate of knots, then jumps out of his vehicle and try’s unsuccessfully to call his farken dogs off, when this fails, he decides to beat the living shite out of the dog choking on BloodyAussie’s dog. We had children present and it could have turned nasty if the dogs had turned on the young kids, folks there out there, the gene pool is definitely infected by dick-brains.
My fellow Lounge Lizards, it was a classic case of being in the middle of nowhere and been unable to help family when the shit was hitting the fan blades (I am thinking to myself, geez if only I was Superman, I would have beaten the owner of three hunting dogs to death with his dogs, flew down to Barwon Heads to belt the snot out of the 12 drunk lesbians and then headed down to AB’s home to have a farken snake sandwich for lunch) lol.
Speaking of lunch, we then headed to Barwon downs for lunch, from there we then headed to Dandos for a look and see. Whilst on the way to Dandos, someone in our group spots a bog hole, well fark me swinging trendsetters, this was like showing a red rag to a bull to BloodyAussie. He is off quicker than a goose can shit, wheels spinning he is gone, two minutes later the call comes over the radio, err I am bogged, then several laughs come over the radio, then comes the message, he got bogged at the start of the bog hole, the front wheels only. Johnathon’s new name became instantly, Bogathon. Lol
After site seeing at Dandos we then headed to Gellibrand to air-up our tyres and grab a quick coffee, whilst parked in the main street, freezing cold, farken pissing down with rain, I had my back to the traffic whilst airing-up the driver’s side front tyre on my Patrol. All of a sudden a farken semi-trailer decides to drive straight into a pool of water drenching me to the bone. (The prickkkk!)
Anyhow folks, I would like to personally take this opportunity to thank the Victorian forum members for showing my family and I a great time. They are a great bunch of Lounge Lizards! I cannot get over there camaraderie and good ole fashion hospitality. Thanks to all you, you made me a very happy and grateful man today!
PS, to top it all off, whilst driving home Australia flogged the Poms in the Cricket, 5 nil, poor ole fracster!
Kind regards,
Paul (RLI)
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