Depression

[MudRunnerTD]

Just wondering...
Does anyone else have an extremely short fuse when the sun is up, but once it's dark, find a gaping hole they can't fill?

Evo

Hi Evo,

You should go and speak to your doctor about that mate. Don't be shy mate your doctor will be able to point you in the right direction. Depression is a chemical imbalance and can be managed. What you describe is manageable and should be managed mate.

[Bloodyaussie]

Just wondering...
Does anyone else have an extremely short fuse when the sun is up, but once it's dark, find a gaping hole they can't fill?

Evo

I am not sure of your situation mate but do you have someone you can talk to?? is this something you have been treated for in the past or is it something you deal with on your own?

There are a great bunch of blokes on that side of the world you can talk to and even meet up with.

I think you need to reach out mate.

[krbrooking]

Just wondering...
Does anyone else have an extremely short fuse when the sun is up, but once it's dark, find a gaping hole they can't fill?

Evo

Are you married or have kids mate as if you are not and you are coming home to an empty home, might be good for you to catch up with a mate and have a drink or two and just lay it all on his shoulders man. You will be surprised how much better you feel, on the other hand try to avoid falling into the coming home and sinking a few coldies every night as this will add to the hole. If you have a misses mayby do things out of the norm just take her out to dinner or go for a walk around a park or along the beach. But I would still seek medical advice.


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[Evo]

@MudRunnerTD and Bloodyaussie - Thanks guys for the advice, but it had seen my doc about this a while ago, so it is something I've been 'treated' for in the past.
Meds prescribed didn't agree with me after being on them for a couple of months, and lost my job at the time due to it.
That was almost 3 years ago.

As for family, no, no kids, my fiancé is awesome, but I don't get a lot of a chance to talk to her. I'll explain what's going on (sorry for the life story) but will make more sense.

It will be 2 years ago, end of January coming up, that I have been off work.
Basically got up one morning, went to the basin to wash my face, and lost feeling from the waist down.
Went to the doc, referred to specialist.
Have degeneration in my lumbar spine, internal spur, and a congenital defect causing improper fusion.
Puts pressure on nerves, etc...
Basically told I can't work (no lifting, bending, walking too far, sitting for too long, etc, etc)
Depressing, but it only went down from there.
Some mornings can't get out of bed, barely walk to the ensuite toilet.
Meds, appointments, treatment was adding up the $$$.
Got to the point where we went grocery shopping with $16.
Turned into a recluse, no spare money to do anything.
Sold my pride and joy to buy a 4x4 (easier to get in and out of).
Sold some things I had plus saved what I could here and there to buy what I wanted/needed for the Troll.
Just saved the money to get the lift put in (standard suspension was shot anyway) and got it all done.
Then doc says he won't give me anymore meds until I see a pain specialist.
15 minutes and $250 later, he recommends an epidural injection (had one not long after this first started, that cost $900 and was only in for half a day) with a larger and more potent dose.
Ok, no problem.
Then we find out the estimated cost of the procedure, being larger and more potent, and requiring a full day in hospital, is what I just spent on my suspension.
Plus I need to get a couple of things sorted on the Troll, but money is too scarce.
That was 2 weeks ago.
Since then, just feeling lost. Like I don't have a purpose.
My fiancée works basically all day, every day.
She's the bread winner.
Gone before I get out of bed in the morning, gets home, eats, showers, goes to bed.
We talk a little, but not enough.
What she earns pays the mortgage and fuel to get to and from work.
Whatever is left, she tries to put aside for when the bills come in and for groceries.
The more I think about it, the more I appreciate her and what she has done/is doing.
But the more I think about it, the more useless I feel.
Just don't know what to do.
I'm used to hiding it on the outside, don't open up. Fiancé thinks I'm too hard, too emotionless. That's how I've been from a young age.
Don't know what's next.

Evo

[Bloodyaussie]

Your situation is a bloody hard one and I am certainly not the one to offer advice, I wish well for you and also wish I could just click my fingers and make the pain go away.

I do think you need to make time to be around others who understand... easy for me to say this sitting thousands of miles away at my desk.

Just remember your partner is the one who is there everyday for you and she would love and want nothing more than for you to open up to her...it's not weakness mate is sharing with the one you love who is there for you and you for her!!!!

[NP99]

Just typing it out the way you have helps....good on you mate. Our partners are the most wonderful gift we have. Hang in there mate, everything in life happens for a reason, sometimes we just don't see it.

[Cuppa]

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate her and what she has done/is doing.

I'm guessing that writing that post helped strengthen that realisation?
Don't just let it (the realisation) go or it'll drift away & get lost amongst all the shit. Capitalise on it. You clearly have a woman who is doing what she can because she loves you, (& considers you worth loving). You might not be able to do a lot about your financial & health stresses at the moment, but you have to do something to make her feel that continuing to love you is worthwhile. If you don't, sooner or later you'll end up on your own, & that my friend will be a far worse place to be. You need to make a contribution, instead of feeling useless. The one major contribution you can make to your relationship is to ensure she knows how valued she is. This is not just about words, it's about your actions too. Keeping stuff bottled up inside might feel like it,s protecting her from your inner shit, but it also serves to keep her 'shut out'. She's told you so. She is working her butt off, because it's what she can do, but I bet she is also feeling useless because she can't access what she really cares about ... You! You are a lucky man to have her, help her to feel lucky to have you by sharing & making her feel wanted. Most blokes find this hard, mainly due to lack of practice. If you were to join a local Men's Shed (for example) I am sure that even just the 'change of scenery' as well as the opportunity to talk to others would make a difference in how you were then able to 'give back' to your fiancée.

These are just the thoughts off the top of my head, if they really don't fit, or if you think I've butted in where I shouldn't just know I have done so with good intent, & that you are free to ignore me.

Fwiw, I do understand how it feels to be the non working partner in a relationship. My wife works, & I have stayed home for the past 15 years. There have certainly been & still are occasions when I have felt useless & parasitic, but she too is a good woman who loves me, & if I give her the opportunity she inevitably manages to let me know how much she values me too. Recognising that I am valued makes so much difference & helps me not to feel useless.

Cuppa

[Stropp]

Evo mate as the others have said we are not specialists but from life experiences we do pick up things, you are not useless its just you cant do what you used to do due to health issues and you have a woman who obviously cares a great deal about you so you need to reach out to her and let her know what you feel and talk to her every day, in fact make it a point to talk to her for 10mins per day and after a while it will become normal. It does not have to be about how you feel, by all means say that too but what does she feel about things too, what sort of day she has had as no doubt she is troubled by the situation as well and it will be taking a toll on her too and the last thing you need now is for you two following the current path as its not healthy for your relationship. Again its just a suggestion of where to start and not a must do but in saying that read through the other comments picj the bits you can manage and go with that. goodluck mate and pm if you need to.

[krbrooking]

Man there is no need what so ever to say sorry for the life story that is what this thread is all about.
Firstly I am sorry to hear about your situation, it must be really difficult to feel the way you do.
Have you looked into any government kick backs or some sort of pension or subsidy for your medication and condition?



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[Evo]

I really appreciate what you guys have said and suggested.
I think joining this group was well worth it, even if it was originally for information regarding my Patrol.
Just reading what each of you wrote brought a tear to my eye, and while no one has ever seen me break down, I'm not ashamed to admit that. At least to others who can relate, understand, and share so openly.
Writing all that down yesterday did seem to lighten the load a bit, and honestly, last night was the best nights sleep I have had in a long time. I was a bit worried after I had posted it thinking what have I done, but I just let it slide, said to myself I'll just see what happens.
I don't tell people things because I don't know if it's pride, or what, but I'm not one for that looks for sympathy or charity. All I ask is for from anyone, is understanding, and that's exactly what you guys have given me after reading your comments today.

Cheers!

Evo