Originally Posted by
RLI
G'day folks,
What made me happy today were all the kind thoughts that forum members placed on the “What has made you angry today” thread on the weekend for my family’s loss of a grate family friend Gordon Quinton!
The funeral on Monday was a somber affair as funerals goes, it was held at Barnes funeral parlor in Ballarat in Victoria. What a Farken freezing cold shit-hole of a place, lol.
I arrived in Victoria on Saturday evening, beautiful whether conditions, 27 c The drive back to Geelong went well, it was great to see Victoria so green, the last time I was down the place was so brown and desolate looking. Sunday was a fine 29 c overcast day.
Woke up Monday morning for the day of the funeral, farken freezing cold 12 c, pissing down with rain. I literally froze my bollocks off! The drive to Ballarat from Geelong was bleak and cold, typical funeral whether, arrived at the funeral parlor and literally walked into a disaster, both my dad and I were wearing black suites with white shirts and tie, as I attempted to get out of the passenger rear door, I slipped and fell which caused my shit-bag to let go. Instead of looking like someone in attendance for a funeral, i resembled the local shit-house cleaner covered in shit!
Fark me swinging trendsetters, I had to suddenly bolt to the handicap toilets keeping pressure on the bag so it wouldn't further leak. What a total fark-up I am saying myself. To make things worse, I forgot to bring my change bag which was extremely embarrassing, no new shit-bag, no change of clothes. Fark at one stage I even thought of jumping into the coffin with Uncle Gordon!
The funeral parlor staff was fantastic; they gave me a couple of tea towels and a role of gaffer tape. With the funeral now delayed, I bolted back into the handicap toilets, stripped off, packed the shit bag with the tea towels and with gaffer tape, taped myself up! I came out of the toilet looking like pregnant women!
For the first time everyone was laughing even if it was for a short period time, Gordon’s four daughter’s stated to everyone that Uncle Gordon would have been laughing his head off by my actions! (At least i was providing the entertainment.) With the service finally underway, it was back to being grim and sad faced. Then my dad got up to read the eulogy and soon has my dad started to cry the whole chapel broke into tears including yours truly!
After the service, we attended the family wake in Dereel south of Ballarat another isolated lonely place far from civilization, (you have to be a special person to live in remote areas, i could not live there.) Time and time again the topic came up about Gordon and my exploits of getting into the water with crocodiles. Typical poms at the time, we were so gullible to the outback folks, a couple of locals told us "as soon as you shoot a croc you have get into the water and tail rope the buggers before they sink".
The following day when were at the local pub bragging about the two crock that we shoot, we thanked this farken idiot for giving us (what we thought was good advice) The publican farken read us the riot act, “you stupid pommy bastards, you don’t get into the water with the farkers” you motor up on them with boat and then tow them back to the bank"!
I remember my dad and Gordon trying to punch this fellow, to the blokes credit he shouted us beers and the whole pub had a laugh at our expense.
Thanks Gordon Quinton for the great memories, I will never forget you mate!
Regards,
Paul
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And if the weather continues like today we should be in the clear 
Time is never wasted when your wasted all the time 
