A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel
the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist
Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke
up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections
and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our
friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends
for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but
then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq,
so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had
to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom
Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country
doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the
1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran,
which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his
friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies
automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American
corporations can profit by selling weapons to both
sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
war is good for America. Also, since God is on
America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we
attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us
to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.
Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we
attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in
his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go
to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
Thank you.
Sorry for long post.
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