The Joke Thread

[threedogs]

Doggie you really are one sick puppy my friend. really "mixing me toasties"
Remember what Lurch would say aarrgghhh

[Pete's GU3]

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and says " Who the f**K had sex with my wife " ?
A guy yells out "Mate you dont have enough bullets "...

[Wine_maker]

If 8 bullets not enough for you.
You are put out of temper wrong guys....

[Wine_maker]

[Drewboyaus]

Telephone conversation goes;

"Hello, is this the police?

"Yes it is. How can we help you?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Waz. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for the call."

The next day, police officers descend on Waz's house in great numbers.

They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine. They swear at Waz and leave.

The phone rings at Waz's house.

"Hey, Waz. Did the cops come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop up your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday", maaaaate!!!!



Tap this.........

[Bugjuice]

Dear Algebra,

Its over! Please stop asking me to find your x!

[mudnut]

Dear Algebra,

Its over! Please stop asking me to find your x!

And we don't know y.

[BigRAWesty]

Anthony Mundine.

Kallen Westbrook
Owner of
Westy's Accessories

[Bob]

Now he’s in trouble
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and said with a very loud voice, “I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going.”
The man then turned to his wife and yelled “Shut up stupid!” The policeman continued, “And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30.” His wife then leaned forward again and squawked “I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me.”
And again the man shouted at his wife “Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!”
The policeman then looked at the woman and said “does he always talk to you this way?”
To which the woman responed, “Only when he has been drinking.”

A Bad Day
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,…”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell। “I’m the groom.”

The reason for running
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.”
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”

Should have glasses
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!

[BigRAWesty]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXbp...e_gdata_player

Dickins Cider... One of a kind

Kallen Westbrook
Owner of
Westy's Accessories