The Joke Thread

[NissanGQ4.2]

A Queensland jackaroo is overseeing his mob in remote territory when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a cloud of dust towards him.
The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the jackaroo,
'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your mob,
will you give me a calf?'
The jackaroo looks at the man, obviously not a local, then looks at
his peacefully grazing mob and calmly answers, 'Sure, why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation
system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives
an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the
data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC
connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his blackberry and, after a
few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color,
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and
finally turns to the jackaroo and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows
and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the Jackaroo.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then the Jackaroo says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackaroo.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the jackaroo. 'You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of
expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to
show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cattle .. This is a
mob of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

[Bigrig]

A Queensland jackaroo is overseeing his mob in remote territory when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a cloud of dust towards him.
The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the jackaroo,
'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your mob,
will you give me a calf?'
The jackaroo looks at the man, obviously not a local, then looks at
his peacefully grazing mob and calmly answers, 'Sure, why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation
system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives
an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the
data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC
connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his blackberry and, after a
few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color,
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and
finally turns to the jackaroo and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows
and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the Jackaroo.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then the Jackaroo says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackaroo.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the jackaroo. 'You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of
expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to
show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cattle .. This is a
mob of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

It says it all really doesn't it?? lolol

[patch697]

A Queensland jackaroo is overseeing his mob in remote territory when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a cloud of dust towards him.
The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the jackaroo,
'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your mob,
will you give me a calf?'
The jackaroo looks at the man, obviously not a local, then looks at
his peacefully grazing mob and calmly answers, 'Sure, why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation
system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that
scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives
an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the
data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC
connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his blackberry and, after a
few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color,
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and
finally turns to the jackaroo and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows
and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the Jackaroo.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then the Jackaroo says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackaroo.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the jackaroo. 'You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of
expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to
show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cattle .. This is a
mob of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

LOL............Nice.

[Col.T]

Toddy
absobloodylutely magnificent
Col

[Bob]

Andy(AB),Paul(PATCH(97) and Bob(BOB) went 4 wheel driving up the high Country and Paul was driving.
When attempting to climb up to the Bluff Hut Paul was not paying attention and dropped off the Track and we were all killed.
Unfortunately none of us qualified for Heaven and went downstairs.
The three of us were lined up by the Devil's assistant and he proceeded as follows

Bob you are to walk down that Passage and enter room 201.
I walked down the Passage and entered room 201 and there laying on a bed was the fattest and ugliest woman that you could imagine. The door was welded shut behind me and a voice came over the intercom which said Bob for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

Andy you are to walk down the Passage and enter room 301
Andy walked down the Passage and entered room 301 and there laying on the bed was an old hag with warts hanging off her nose. The door was welded shut behind And and a voice came over the intercom which said Andy for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

Paul you are to walk down the Passage and enter room 401.
Paul walked down the Passage and entered room 401 and there laying on the bed was Bo Derrick with no clothes on. The door was welded shut and a voice came over the intercom which said Bo Derrick for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity

[Bigrig]

Andy(AB),Paul(PATCH(97) and Bob(BOB) went 4 wheel driving up the high Country and Paul was driving.
When attempting to climb up to the Bluff Hut Paul was not paying attention and dropped off the Track and we were all killed.
Unfortunately none of us qualified for Heaven and went downstairs.
The three of us were lined up by the Devil's assistant and he proceeded as follows

Bob you are to walk down that Passage and enter room 201.
I walked down the Passage and entered room 201 and there laying on a bed was the fattest and ugliest woman that you could imagine. The door was welded shut behind me and a voice came over the intercom which said Bob for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

Andy you are to walk down the Passage and enter room 301
Andy walked down the Passage and entered room 301 and there laying on the bed was an old hag with warts hanging off her nose. The door was welded shut behind And and a voice came over the intercom which said Andy for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

Paul you are to walk down the Passage and enter room 401.
Paul walked down the Passage and entered room 401 and there laying on the bed was Bo Derrick with no clothes on. The door was welded shut and a voice came over the intercom which said Bo Derrick for all your sins on earth this is what you must suffer for eternity

Like it!!! Well done Bob ... sorry Paul, but if the orthepaedic shoe fits !!! lol

[patch697]

LOLOLOL............... I cant understand how I missed this one BR & im more than happy to become Bo Derrick's Punishment...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[Bob]

LOLOLOL............... I cant understand how I missed this one BR & im more than happy to become Bo Derrick's Punishment...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Yeah you did come out of that the Winner. I was the one that was supposed to get Bo but I must have got too excited

[Bigrig]

I think I'll end up with Susan Boyle!!! lol ... or is that, she'll end up with me?? hmmmmm ... lmfao

[Col.T]

Jeeeeeez Plazzy
that's dreadful, you orta be ashamed
Col.