Depression

[oncedisturbed]

so i guess this post belongs here.. Its going to be short because i'm at work and about to head into a meeting.

Last night I tucked my infant son into bed, waited until he'd settled, and then collected my clothes for work today and jumped in the currently plague ridden mobile fortress and drove 45 minutes to the couch i would be sleeping on and my interim accommodation whilst i figure out how does ones wife stop loving you, how does ones wife say they cannot live under the same roof as you and how does one not make the mistakes his own father did when his parents separated and ultimately divorced....

Im not going to do anything stupid, i have my son to live for so thats not even an issue, but the absolute earth shattering devastation that sees me randomly break down sobbing and incapable of speaking is so much worse than ive ever experienced in a life that has seen some highs and more lows than most has rocked me to the core. Of course today they then announce a restructure that whilst has no immediate concern for employment absolutely hamstrings 4 years of best practise delivery and career planning despite a very carefully and well considered submission during consulting phase that would future proof the organisation and yield outstanding customer experience uplift - basically everything i am passionate about professionally and personally has in the space of 30 hours been ripped violently away from me and to my mind the battle i see ahead of me on both fronts to retain even a grip is almost, almost, beyond reach.

I am not giving up, I will fight but right now I am sadder than i have ever been before - chances are i'll have a parking ticket on the car to round the day out...

Anyhow - What im going to take from this and what i hope others do is that ive been through some pretty ordinary (understatement) crap in my life but this is by far the worst, and I am not giving up. I am not waiting for someone to walk up and lick me up because that is my job. I am responsible for me. I am going to make the best out this situation somehow. I am going to find a way that suits everyone and ensures i still get tto be the dad i never had, that i dreamed i would be and that my son deserves. somehow.......

anyhow, thanks for reading...

PS have you ever noticed that at times like this every friggen song you hear is about lost love or please stay etc etc etc... Universe, God, Aliens whoever its not funny

Having been in the same boat nearly 14 years ago when my son was only 7 months old, I fully understand how you feel and what you're going through as do many of the members here, both those who have spoken out and those who choose to remain silent, no disrespect to those members.

It is a hard and sometimes very lonely road to travel, unfortunately the kids in many cases become the innocent victims.

It took a few years to sort itself out but luckily enough now that my wife and I get on well with my Ex and her partner for the sake of our son. We have been fortunate to be able to join in with bbq's, birthdays, camping trips and overseas holidays etc as combined "extended" families and are far better as friends then we ever were together.

Always show and tell your kids how much you love and care for them regardless of what happens with what you're going through, they will almost always see through any smoke and mirrors that are put up in front of them.

The members are only to happy to lend an ear if you or anyone else needs it, whether it is an email, SMS, pm or phone call.


Never underestimate the power of the tap, let it flow through you.