Today has been a very tough day. Many of you who know me in "the real world" know that my lymphoma has unfortunately returned after 15-16 months in remission.
For the last week or so I've had no medical appointments or contact to raise my blood pressure. I've been able to live in a relative state of normality, something for which I am very jealous of the rest of the population. Today though, I've had to undergo a needle biopsy to confirm what is happening. This has brought to the surface all the lingering doubts and insecurities of my predicament. Quite simply it has made me quite sad.....am I depressed? I don't think so but I am currently on a wave of deep sadness as I reflect on what might happen to me in the future. And what of my wife and kids?
It's bloody hard to talk about (even with those closest to me) so I thought I'd write something down and I'm sorry you guys have had to read it but it's the only way I seem to be able to express myself. Many are doing the right thing to support me but sometimes I just can't do the whole "positive" mindset, the stiff upper lip, I'm not quite there in my own mind yet but will get to that state of mind soon enough. Just not today.
Really, I'm sad because I just want my health back......that's all.
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