Random joke and interesting pics

[Clunk]

A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"?
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am?
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.There's no point coming in for that."

[Clunk]

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."

[Clunk]

I went round to Paddy's house yesterday. I looked up and said, "You've got a high ceiling." He replied, "Yes, the wife wanted two rooms knocked into one!"

[Avo]

car went in for a service,,report came back...wobble in front end......
when i said i know it's been there since we been together.....
i got slapped......
apparently the mrs thought i was refering to her front end
not her cars

[Wine_maker]

Isn't she lovely?
GQ I mean ))

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[Avo]

Isn't she lovely?
GQ I mean ))

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they be alright them gq's hey

[Clunk]

My wife just said to me, "Look at this, I've had this since we got married 20 years ago and it still fits me."

I said, "It's a fecking scarf."

[Clunk]

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I'll have a beer -- a big one." said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I'll have another beer, a tall one," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I'll go for another tall one," said the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

[Clunk]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/92.jpg

[firm351]

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I'll have a beer -- a big one." said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I'll have another beer, a tall one," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I'll go for another tall one," said the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"Thats so bad its gone full circle and become awesome. Love it.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

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http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/101.jpg

[Clunk]

..........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/104.jpg

[GQtdauto]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/101.jpg

Strange thing is they've obviously been using it .

[GeeYou8]

Probably comes on when you select reverse with front wipers on, a lot of modern cars do this, Nissan Patrols don't.

[the evil twin]

Probably comes on when you select reverse with front wipers on, a lot of modern cars do this, Nissan Patrols don't.

Yeah, your right, yet another useless manuf deciding how your vehicle systems should work without your input.
My 2013 Territory does that rear wiper thing...and it also waits 5 seconds after you use the washers then does another single sweep of the wipers... irritates the shit outa me.

[mudnut]

The fact that the wipers on the Q go as soon as you press the wash button, which causes scratches on the glass, sucks. Any other car I had let you press the button, just enough to soak the screen and loosen the dirt first.

[Clunk]

The fact that the wipers on the Q go as soon as you press the wash button, which causes scratches on the glass, sucks. Any other car I had let you press the button, just enough to soak the screen and loosen the dirt first.I dont have that problem, washer doesnt work [emoji3]

[GQtdauto]

We call it a dry wipe to get the dust off .

[TPC]

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[GQtdauto]

Had a knock on the door today it was the red cross wanting to know if I could contribute to the devastating floods in Pakistan , I said I'd love to but the hose only reaches as far as the front fence .

[Clunk]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/130.jpg

[VK2FMIA]

Never seen a Nissan Patrol ambulance before. Looks like an interesting character.

From my cousins FB post. "Interesting chat this morning with roadworker Mark visiting the Bush Capital all the way from Cairns in his unique mobile work-of-art vehicle, kitchen, bedroom, museum, workshop, dog accommodation and art gallery".

72884728837288572886

[Clunk]

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous.
Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself.

[Clunk]

"This is all your fault!" My wife moaned this morning.
"Bloody hell, what have I done now?" I asked her.
"Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've only just woke up."

[Clunk]

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion!
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

[Clunk]

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http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/145.jpg

[Clunk]

9 things I hate about everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $10 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor you daft twat.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here you tosser.

[Clunk]

I attended a speech at a local wheelchair convention about benefit cheats.
When the guy finished I gave him a standing ovation.
Then the bastard reported me for benefit fraud!

[Clunk]

I went into a Chinese takeaway last night. The owner of the shop said, "What do you do for a riving?"
I said, "What do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian."
So the Chinese chap says, "Go on then, change colour."
I said, "No! I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian."
So then he says, "Tell me a joke, make me raff."
I said, "You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh?"
Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, "Wok! Wok!"
And he said, "Who der?"

[Avo]

thougght this was funny and intersetiong...amd maybe a jole

[Clunk]

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http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/146.jpg

[Clunk]

thougght this was funny and intersetiong...amd maybe a joleWell someone obviously didn't like it hahahahahaha

[Avo]

Well someone obviously didn't like it hahahahahaha

dominated ya reckon

[Bush Ranger]

thougght this was funny and intersetiong...amd maybe a jole

It wouldn`t want to let one rip.

[Avo]

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http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/146.jpg

next you'll talk about grass sandles......

[Clunk]

next you'll talk about grass sandles......Why not, something to have a toke on when out and about

[Clunk]

dominated ya reckonYou were owned mate lol

[firm351]

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about fuckin penguins, did you?

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[Bush Ranger]

Bad enough peeling the skin off one.

[TPC]

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[TPC]

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[TPC]

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[Bush Ranger]

Another form of a traction device when in the bog.

[Hodge]

Saw this car last week absolutely all over the freeway , doing like 40 in a 100 zone... Causing chaos.
As we got off at one of the exits I managed to snap a photo ...
In the rear window it actually says .

Warning !
We are Asian drivers .
Sorry !

At least they were honest .... Lol http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/332.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/333.jpg

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[PeeBee]

Saw this car last week absolutely all over the freeway , doing like 40 in a 100 zone... Causing chaos.
As we got off at one of the exits I managed to snap a photo ...
In the rear window it actually says .

Warning !
We are Asian drivers .
Sorry !

At least they were honest .... Lol http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/332.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/333.jpg

Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk

I reckon their relatives were out for a day driver today on the road between Seymour and yea - 50KLM/Hr for 25klm - double white lines, must have been 20 vehicles banked up behind them, totally oblivious to the frustration they were causing, and they didn't pull over. When the opportunity came to pass, it was like a giant centipede pulling out!

[GQtdauto]

Seems cheap considering it's brand new but I have no idea what the difference is between marinised and something that's just going into an auto .

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Duramax-6-6-turbo-marine-watercooled-stainless-exhaust-system-/382104667882?_trksid=p2141725.m3641.l6368

[GQtdauto]

Seems cheap considering it's brand new but I have no idea what the difference is between marinised and something that's just going into an auto .

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Duramax-6-6-turbo-marine-watercooled-stainless-exhaust-system-/382104667882?_trksid=p2141725.m3641.l6368

Seem to have confused motor for exhaust cooler !

[Clunk]

I went to see the RED ARROWS yesterday.
There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.
It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.

[Wine_maker]

Flying foxes on upside down photo looks like hiphop band from 90's

73221

Just a bored, usual photo

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[TPC]

How true it is.

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[TPC]

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[GQtdauto]

I hate when your getting it checked at the doctors and he's got a hand on each shoulder while he is performing the procedure.

[Touses]

I hate when your getting it checked at the doctors and he's got a hand on each shoulder while he is performing the procedure.

Get yourself a female doctor!:wink::wink:

[TPC]

I was getting a checkup the other day and I am sure he had three fingers in there at one stage, last time I go to that dentist.

[Wine_maker]

I found a reason of all my problems :animierte-smilies-t

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[GQtdauto]

Get yourself a female doctor!:wink::wink:

It was a female doctor !

[Bush Ranger]

Talking of doctors, I went to see one the other day and told him I was feeling a bit off colour. He got me to poke my tongue out and say arghh, took my temp, blood pressure and checked my reflexes. He couldn`t find much wrong at all and after a bit of time of thinking (thinking music was playing), he asked me to drop my shorts and lean over the examining bed.
He asked if I realised that a ten dollar note was poking out of my bum.
No I says, but pull it out and as he did, a fifty dollar note was poking out. He did the same and a five buck note showed up. After a few minutes of doing this, it stopped and he says this is amazing. He`s never seen a case like this before and I told him to count the money. The doctor counted $1995 and I said ` No wonder I wasn`t feeling two grand`.

[Wine_maker]

Surprise!

73292

[TPC]

..........
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[Wine_maker]

This is IT!

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[Wine_maker]

They are always right ...

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[Wine_maker]

Decal on the jacket of pyrotechnician or mine lifter.

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[MB]

Surprise!

73292
I shouldn’t, but this one makes me laugh mate :-) Years ago an oldest school mate visited relatives overseas on the Canadian border during a deep winter. Borrowed his Uncles F250 truck and idiotically farm bumped a grass cow food round bale of hay. Needless to say a -20 degree block of ice stopped that truck and his holiday plans turned quickly to a working payback trip ;-)


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[Wine_maker]

Yoda's, wisdom!

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[MB]

“Do....or do not. There is no try”
~Yoda :-)


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[Plasnart]

“Do....or do not. There is no try”
~Yoda :-)


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http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/showthread.php?2349-Thought-for-the-day&p=743914#post743914 :smiley_thumbs_up:

[Rossco]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171102/7d09d658a5041a46106aa8bff4c9cabe.jpg

WTF ? ?

Sent from my GT-I9506 using Tapatalk

[Plasnart]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/[/IMG]

WTF ? ?

Sent from my GT-I9506 using Tapatalk

Hahaha WTF?? Yeah those damn butchers!!

[Rossco]

Yeah i was thinking there must have been some primary schools nearby being rid of used vomit absorbing materials [emoji28] . . .

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[TPC]

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73682

[Clunk]

No words required
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/11/123.jpg

[GQtdauto]

No words required
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/11/123.jpg

On the flip side when he sells the awning it will have little use .

[Plasnart]

On the flip side when he sells the awning it will have little use .

Next on list: Spinny hubcaps.

[GQtdauto]

Next on list: Spinny hubcaps.

Lowered with low profile tyres and spinny hubcaps .

[Bidja]

On the flip side when he sells the awning it will have little use .

Maybe its one of those telescopic types, unless they store their kingsss fishing rod in there!!!!!!!!!Maybe a hinge and pin

[Avo]

i hate tyhirsty night

[Wine_maker]

It's not only electrical, it's even vegan.

73760

[the evil twin]

Gold Alexander... absolute gold :clapping:

[Bush Ranger]

It's not only electrical, it's even vegan.

73760

I thought it looked more like a moustache, or it has eaten cousin itt.

[Plasnart]

I thought it looked more like a moustache, or it has eaten cousin itt.

Well it is Movember. Not a bad length inside 4 weeks! :D

[Bob]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the @$$hole is usually in charge.

[DX grunt]

This joke's on me. lol.

My wife and I were standing in the kitchen this morning when I said: "Give me a cuddle."

As her hand passed across my bare chest, her engagement ring got caught and I got the best nipplecripple ever! PML

Take care out there.

Rossco

[the evil twin]

This joke's on me. lol.

My wife and I were standing in the kitchen this morning when I said: "Give me a cuddle."

As her hand passed across my bare chest, her engagement ring got caught and I got the best nipplecripple ever! PML

Take care out there.

Rossco

That'll teach ya not to wear the Lycra, matey

[DX grunt]

That'll teach ya not to wear the Lycra, matey

It wasn't funny at the time!

[Bush Ranger]

@DXgrunt Must be an easier way to get a nipple ring piercing.

[mudnut]

This is a picture my cousin took. You can't see it properly but that is a "No Standing" sign on the left (which is pointing to the right) and a "4P parking sign (that points to the left) with the other half of the sign as "No Standing" (pointing to the right).

[jack]

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home.

'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing...they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'
So his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad', the boy says, 'I have some grim news.

Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal.

Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'
'I sure did, Dad!'
'That's my boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer with Slater and Gordon lawyers.

[Wine_maker]

Parking master 80 lvl

73975

How to build a tricycle? Just take a corolla and cut parts that you are don't need.

73976

[GQtdauto]

More comedy Gold Alexander

[VK2FMIA]

...................

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[Wine_maker]

!@#$%^&*()_
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[Wine_maker]

Let's check your deduction! What happened here?

74244

[VK2FMIA]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely f@*k-all.

Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."

[Wine_maker]

Look guy's what was here on my side a few nights ago. -56 Celcius


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaD7Z1oTYD4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8fIBZkZqjw

tire tube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u6Ge76xYKo

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5420944/dog-and-hare-frozen-solid-as-temperatures-plummet-to-56c-in-kazakhstan/

I'm lucky enough, that I live in 1200 km from there. So, it's just -32 here in my city at night.

[dom14]

This cracked me up. It's about Kid's opinion of D. Trump.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYviM5xevC8

[4bye4]

Probably not the best way to demo the 4WD capability.

74307 74308

Price drop on new model.

[GQtdauto]

Parking master level 80 !

[Wine_maker]

I think, that this wagon will be available with a good discount soon.

[Wine_maker]

Piece of sh.. I mean black humor

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[Wine_maker]

All of these guys were born under the lucky star.

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[Mc4by]

This would apply equally to offroad as well.

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[Mc4by]

Irony if I ever saw it.

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[Wine_maker]

Life of Subaru owner in sound: bu bu bu bu knock knock knock knock 1500$ bu bu bu bu bu

[jack]

74435 74436

No comment

[Rossco]

. . .http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/94.jpg

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[4bye4]

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[MB]

Just found this little old Mazda teetering on the high side of our block, must’ve been a good Saturday night! http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/108.jpg They should’ve followed the Patrol I says, lol :-) http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/109.jpg


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[Rossco]

Woops. Sneaky back way home from the St Andrews pub perhaps ? ?

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[jack]

Probably better suited in the locked thread.

Tools explained...

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

SKILL SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[Hodge]

Hot box.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0C1SdQQZzE

[taslucas]

Probably not the best way to demo the 4WD capability.

74307 74308

Price drop on new model.Cruiser handbrake strikes again [emoji1]

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[MB]

Local Moose strikes again, some poor bugger :-( !
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/113.jpg


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[GQtdauto]

Local Moose strikes again, some poor bugger :-( !
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/113.jpg


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Sambar are a big heavy animal and are writing off heaps of cars and 4bys these days ,or was that an escaped cow ?

[MB]

Doe apparently mate, big gal though!


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[Rossco]

Yeah saw that one, shes pretty buggered. Not far from where I hit one a while back in the work Ute, came out looking pretty similar was a bit scary. . .

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[MB]

Scary indeed mate, at least he had some sort of steel protection I guess. What genuinely worries me these days is the amount of Toyota Yaris type drivers moving out here for a “Tree Change” flogging to and fro in the dark. Fair dinkum seen two buzz boxes now with LED lightbars zipping back to the city most days :-(


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[Plasnart]

Scary indeed mate, at least he had some sort of steel protection I guess. What genuinely worries me these days is the amount of Toyota Yaris type drivers moving out here for a “Tree Change” flogging to and fro in the dark. Fair dinkum seen two buzz boxes now with LED lightbars zipping back to the city most days :-(


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Fark tell me about it. Got a sheila stuck fair up my arse in one of those things most mornings while I'm around here.

Saw the mess this morning but didn't see the car til I came back this arvo.

Big hit bloody hell.

[Rossco]

Yep defiantly agree too. Melbourne is getting crazy and even early in the morning out this way there are cars on the road with everyone in a bloody rush like mad bastards . . .

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[MB]

Thread gone off ‘Track’ my apologies.
We’ll never stop folks seeking a better lifestyle out here although local safety education appears to be heading the hard learnt way.
Best decision I felt made in the day when Mrs MB decided to join me out here was to flog off her Daewoo Lanos & Holden V8 ute float tug.
Consolidated their sold coin into a GU ‘Patrol’ deposit and never looked back!





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[Plasnart]

Thread gone off ‘Track’ my apologies.
We’ll never stop folks seeking a better lifestyle out here although local safety education appears to be heading the hard learnt way.
Best decision I felt made in the day when Mrs MB decided to join me out here was to flog off her Daewoo Lanos & Holden V8 ute float tug.
Consolidated their sold coin into a GU ‘Patrol’ deposit and never looked back!





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Since I've been out here this place is Patrol and LC land, no worries about that all over the place. Understand why there's so many but all the mrs ripping around in the beat up corollas like frogs in socks are a worry. One headlight, misaligned headlight up your nose, back of your head like a lazer beam, no speed limit buzz boxes are out of control!! Haha fair dinkum they're all smashing in to Lilydale like mad bitches. Turn off Vic Rd into Ldale and leave me alone half way down. Stressful part is from hills to the edge of burbs. WTF. Spose gotta drop the kids off in time so safety rules :)

[garett]

check out the size of my zucchini






74585

[TPC]

check out the size of my zucchini






74585

Are you trying to compensate for something?

[garett]

Are you trying to compensate for something?

maybe if i drove a gu....

[Clunk]

Are you trying to compensate for something?Having a small marrow

[Clunk]

..........http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/159.jpg

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/160.jpg

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[AB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/161.jpg


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[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/162.jpg

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[GQtdauto]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/02/162.jpg

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Which reminds me I need to get the auto trans serviced .

[Avo]

Which reminds me I need to get the auto trans serviced .

I see a robot fanny

[GQtdauto]

Well it is Mardi Gra time in Sydney and I was just wondering what float you're going to be on this year Avo ?

[Wine_maker]

War of brands

74699

[GQtdauto]

War of brands

74699

Almost nailed it mate but

Jeep and Ford should be one fire extinguisher and two spanners .
Toyota you need to add two cash registers .

[Wine_maker]

A new portion of brain degradation is already here!

74707

74706

74708

[Wine_maker]

74706

74745

74746

[GQtdauto]

It was made so we could seperate the good politicians from the asses but it was soon discovered that they were all the same so the machine no longer gets used .

[VK2FMIA]

...................
74776

[MB]

Interesting roadhouse/tucker stop confusing me entry warning signage :-) http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/03/164.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/03/165.jpg Decided safest to conceal my Dirty Little Harry before chicken breakfast :-) http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/03/166.jpg


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[Rossco]

Interesting roadhouse/tucker stop confusing me entry warning signage :-) http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/03/164.jpg


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WTF ? ? [emoji6]

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[the evil twin]

Laws like that are so they stick their 44 Magnums in their belt under their shirt.
That way an accidental discharge blows their nuts off and one less Texan too participate in the gene pool

[Clunk]

Just love Fannyshttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/03/275.jpg

[MB]

https://youtu.be/blaL64WbI2s


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[GQtdauto]

https://youtu.be/blaL64WbI2s


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It's sad MB but I can see that this sort of thing will be needed in the future .

[MB]

Needed now apparently mate, animal avoidance too :-) https://youtu.be/r0GfQPjJ1WM


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[Rossco]

Hmmm. . .

Wonder if whoever put that up thought "yep job well done, proud of that" [emoji6]http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/04/79.jpg

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[GeeYou8]

https://youtu.be/blaL64WbI2s


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At Perth Airport admin offices they have "Do Not Use Mobile Phones on Stairs" signs.

[Wine_maker]

For a short memory

75041

[GQtdauto]

For a sort mamory

75041

Works for outboards too mate .

[Wine_maker]

It needs just 2" lift and it will do it next time, o ye!:bananarock:

75267

[PeeBee]

Seeing those spare tyres in the mud reminds me of the exploits of Alby Mangles on one of his jungle escapades back in the '70's!

[Wine_maker]

Is it a usual day in Sydney's suburb yeah? :tongue:

75329

[MB]

We’d all here much rather deal with them little pets WM mate, you’ve got Real Bears haven’t you :-) ?


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[TPC]

Is it a usual day in Sydney's suburb yeah? :tongue:

75329

No Dingoes in Sydney or anywhere south/east of the dog fence.
The Dingoes are not anything to worry about unless you have a baby.

[GQtdauto]

No Dingoes in Sydney or anywhere south/east of the dog fence.
The Dingoes are not anything to worry about unless you have a baby.

Just missing a few funnel web spiders and a Croc .

[MB]

Please be sure to not swim/bomb downstream of twin falls on your next epic FNQ adventure mate :-) !


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[GQtdauto]

Please be sure to not swim/bomb downstream of twin falls on your next epic FNQ adventure mate :-) !


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That's why I take the missus ,yeah sure it's safe trust me !

[MB]

Works for wet season hot water stingers too bad man :-)



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[Pete49]

Today reminds me of another royal wedding...his mother...Divorced a Prince, engaged to an arab and f##ked by a pole

[VK2FMIA]

LAB PROVES EXISTENCE OF DARK SUCKERS

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a spokesman from the Labs, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in a room.

As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.

Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the ligher light floats to the top.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric light bulb, remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

[VK2FMIA]

...............
75516

[mudnut]

LAB PROVES EXISTENCE OF DARK SUCKERS

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a spokesman from the Labs, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in a room.

As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.

Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the ligher light floats to the top.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric light bulb, remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

So you're telling us that when the magic smoke is released from a light emitting (dark sucking) circuit, that it is just the collected dark dispelling into the cosmos at a very slow speed?:1087:

[Clunk]

Learnt so much from our childhood books
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/70.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/71.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/72.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/73.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/74.jpg

[Clunk]

Hmmmmmm I wonderhttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/183.jpg

[MB TD42]

75741
Im still not sure but really couldnt care less
75742

[Avo]

Hmmmmmm I wonderhttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/183.jpg

and that kids is why humppty dumty got pushed....he stank of shit

[Wine_maker]

Hmmmmmm I wonderhttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/06/183.jpg

I think I saw it somewhere

75753

[VK2FMIA]

..............
75790

[Clunk]

.............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/55.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/56.jpg

[Rossco]

Thought I'd seen it all. What, people too lazy to bend down and scrunch up some snow in their hands and piff it nowadays [emoji6] . . .http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/127.jpg

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[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/129.jpg

[Rossco]

https://amp.news.com.au/national/south-australia/4wd-with-solar-panel-gas-rig-and-mutilated-plates-caught-on-belair-road/news-story/ec1873596151e69bcccd755fc77658fd

Fair fair enough lol . . . Bloody yota drivers !

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[Bidja]

https://amp.news.com.au/national/south-australia/4wd-with-solar-panel-gas-rig-and-mutilated-plates-caught-on-belair-road/news-story/ec1873596151e69bcccd755fc77658fd

Fair fair enough lol . . . Bloody yota drivers !

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Boom on the gas bottle -Yeah. Rear boost assist, could not help myself officer, had to go.

Imaging diving into the west with that solar panel on a summers mid afternoon. Hot and certainly need good sunnies

There is some real doodes out there.

[Rossco]

Yeah i wanted to see a picture of his number plate he cut in half to fit his winch in [emoji6]

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[Bidja]

Yeah noted the #plate, that's just too much. Reminded me of a few yrs back, went to the local tip, came home and what no #plate on trailer -grrrrrr. Thought, yes, go back to tip next day and found its much chard and bent remains lying on the ground (they burn at our hole).
So panel beat and out with yellow paint/black texta (numbers), good as, traveled Melb, got near back home, was pulled over and of course they knew by rego on the "Blues"computer screen that I lived local. Asked about the plate tied on with fencing wire, illuminated only by his torch and after I had explained to the officer what had "only" recently happened, he replied hope it was a permanent marker pen and maybe I need a replacement. Looks good with a touch up now and again. lol

By the way, use couple of small Dees now as the wire needed replacement.

[Clunk]

..........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/146.jpg

[Clunk]

Mmm mmm bacon
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/07/220.jpg

[4bye4]

Thats just plain sick Clunk - funny as though :animierte-sm

[Mc4by]

76028

Nice way to hide your embarrassing 4wd

[VK2FMIA]

.................
76034

[TPC]

..........76077

[Wine_maker]

**********

76089

[TPC]

When an electrician wires up rear lights on his Patrol.

76116

[MB]

Pisser Tony!
Speaking of electricity, we nearly just had deep fried tourist dim sum falling outa the sky onto our factory!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/08/247.jpg


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[the evil twin]

Bobs Epic Balloon Flights... highly recommended for all thrill seekers.

Our Motto "One Flash and your Ash"

After every flight join in the onsite Complimentary BBQ provided and enjoy a chat with the local emergency services members and Ambos

Disclaimer, Unfortunately due to Gov't Regs we are prohibited from operating during high fire danger periods

[MB]

Scary stuff the valley!
With two grass multi strip airports within 5km of each other, student pilots galore, sightseeing, skydiving and dozens of balloons, hectic skies up there!!


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[Hodge]

Pisser Tony!
Speaking of electricity, we nearly just had deep fried tourist dim sum falling outa the sky onto our factory!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/08/247.jpg


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Great business name... High voltage balloon rides!
Thats a 22,000V transformer pole... not a hell of a lot would have happened if they clipped one of conductors but if they pushed 2 or more to clash, would have been great video!

Here is a sample video.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfQ2AGWhOqY

[MB]

Crikey Hodge, lucky bugger!!


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[TPC]

An oldie that has probably been on here before.

Ecownomics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

RESERVE BANK OF AUSTRALIA (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

[MB]

WARNING...Blokes!
Only ever press the big round button.....curiosity soaks thy sack :-(


http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/08/276.jpg


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[the evil twin]

... Hmmm... I see they have deleted the Automated Feminine Hygiene Removal function.

Probably because of complaints from the A.M.A due to lost income from the amount of free Gender Reassignment procedures being rendered

[mudnut]

A pizza delivery lady was in tears when she came back from a delivery.

"I can't work here anymore," she sobbed.

"Why not? What's wrong?" asked her boss.

"I ran over a koala in the customer's driveway!"

"Oh, that is something beyond your control. It was an accident. Have a break and a cuppa. You'll feel better soon."

"No, you don't understand! It was a big concrete koala and my car is absolutely munted!"

[jack]

Currently in Wikipedia
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sport_in_Australia

76169

[Wine_maker]

If you really want to lock it

76218

[Wine_maker]

Acupuncture session military style

76253

[Wine_maker]

Innovations of the year in car repair works

76314

76315

76313

[MB]

Speed Hump Ahead.......Crikey!!!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/88.jpg


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[4bye4]

Speed Hump Ahead.......Crikey!!!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/88.jpg


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Since converting to LPG the price is better but the economy is not quite as good.


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[the evil twin]

Since converting to LPG the price is better but the economy is not quite as good.


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... but I can ride from Shanghai to London and back without stopping to refuel

[MB]

Meanwhile.....Shazza must have let a ripper go, Bazza and Wazza upfront were not impressed!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/91.jpg



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[MEGOMONSTER]

Cool pic of the building I’m working on.
AUSTRALIA 108.http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/100.jpg
We are on level 65 but going to 100 plus.

Photo taken from the eureka sky deck.

[Wine_maker]

VLC player installed 60%

76393

[Clunk]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/116.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/117.jpg

[GQtdauto]

We need a new thread called " you only had one job" .
So how do you spell Pacific anyway .

76400

[Plasnart]

We need a new thread called " you only had one job" .
So how do you spell Pacific anyway .

76400

Start it with this one mate, you only had one job! ��

[Wine_maker]

If you really wana be cool

76501

76502

[Bergmann]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/116.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/09/117.jpg

I laughed way too hard at the icing joke. I'm getting old...

[Wine_maker]

Who wants to be self-inclusive Indian Pacific & the Ghan tour?

76535

[TPC]

...........
76613

[jack]

76625

Homemade aircon

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/10/266.jpg

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/10/267.jpg

[Rossco]

. . .http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/10/268.jpg

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[Wine_maker]

A patriot?

76648

[the evil twin]

Patriot?... No Mate!... just an ordinary everyday Queenslander... they don't master shoelaces until the mid 40"s.

When they do, thats how they show off... sorta like putting a University Degree above your desk for the rest of us...

[GQtdauto]

Patriot?... No Mate!... just an ordinary everyday Queenslander... they don't master shoelaces until the mid 40"s.

When they do, thats how they show off... sorta like putting a University Degree above your desk for the rest of us...

Possibly your best work yet ET !

[Plasnart]

Patriot?... No Mate!... just an ordinary everyday Queenslander... they don't master shoelaces until the mid 40"s.

When they do, thats how they show off... sorta like putting a University Degree above your desk for the rest of us...

Haha I thought 45 was when they donned the white pull-ons and knee-highs.

[Wine_maker]

**
76815

76816

[mudnut]

Better without the commentary, but I had a giggle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQGWEFDQsDU

[PeeBee]

Better without the commentary, but I had a giggle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQGWEFDQsDU

@MB, AB there are some opportunities and designs here you might want to consider for the kiddies - unbelieve it!

[TPC]

..........
76847

[Wine_maker]

Isn't it could be any colder?

76906

[the evil twin]

...yet another reason not to use Viagra as a fuel additive

[GQtdauto]

...yet another reason not to use Viagra as a fuel additive

What if you want to get it up over the hill.

[Touses]

What if you want to get it up over the hill.

You're over the hill if you can't get it up. Errrm apparently.

[MB]

Spoilt myself with a healthy fly-through late lunch takeout feed.
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/163.jpg
Me thinks I just got shagged by a Sneaky Tiger Prick!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/164.jpg




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[MB]

I take it all back, thankyou Tiger for getting me home, albeit delayed late, but only direct flight from Coffs Harbour to Tullamarine. Hundreds of poor buggers ‘cancelled’ stuck at Sydney tonight on the majors. (Unfortunate weather)
Delicious Salad & Chicken Loaf Wafers [emoji106][emoji106]


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[MB]

Viewer ‘Wafer’ discretion advised!
https://youtu.be/uRpt4a6H99c



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[Rossco]

Remember looking at their menu cynically thinking it would be nuthn like it. . . Yep pretty spot on lol. . .

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[MB]

Pisser :-)
First time Tiger for me today, overall can’t honestly complain either mate. Usually a Qantas loyal from T1 for work reliability needed. T4 at Tullamarine Tiger has scored the closest boarding gates leaving ‘Sh1tstar’ about a 1km walk for poor old Grannies.
I call them them ‘Sh1tstar’ due to the fact experienced a 4th and final trial was maintenance delayed again as the crapper was chockers.
Surely a schedule can be followed to empty turds at 50% not 99% on departure shoestring budget time :-) !


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[MB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/165.jpg


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[MB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/166.jpg


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[MB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/167.jpg


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[MB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/168.jpg


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[MB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/11/169.jpg


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[Wine_maker]

little misunderstanding ... 5 times :smileyvault-cute-bi

76964

[MB]

My trap is set, littlen that screeches first is guilty! Not ruling out Mrs MB as a culprit yet either :-)
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2018/12/363.jpg


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[PeeBee]

Did ya catch anyone yet MB?

[MB]

Nothing audible as yet mate, although a distinct aroma of warm chicken soup is lingering nearby!


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[Mc4by]

Jack walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to a good looking blonde at the bar and stared up at the t.v. just as the 10 o'clock news came on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on the ledge of a tall building, preparing to jump.
The blonde looks at Jack and asks 'do you think he will jump?'
Jack says 'I bet he does'
The blonde replies 'I don't think he will'

Jack puts $20 on the bar and says 'you're on'

Just as the blonde puts her money on the bar the man jumps.

The blonde is upset but says 'fairs fair, here's your money' and hands the cash to Jack.

Jack replied 'I can't take your money. I saw the news at 6pm and knew he would jump'
The blonde replied, "I saw it too, but I really didn't think he would do it again'

Jack took the money.

[TPC]

..........
77114

[TPC]

.........
77187

[TPC]

..........
77188

[lamboperth]

husband wondering what to get his wife of 40 years for xmas as has run out of ideas, so says to wife:

husband: "Darling, what would you like for a xmas present?"

After a few minutes, wife replies: "A divorce"

Husband replies: "Oh, I wasn't planning on spending that much"


Even my darling wife of 42 years liked this joke and sent it to all her friends and said to me "don't you forget it!" :)

I replied "No worries love. When we were younger, you couldn't afford to divorce me as you would have got half the debt!

Now things are different, so I understand"

cheers and wishing everyone a healthy , happy and prosperous 2019, although at my age, I will just settle for the healthy! lol.

john

[Wine_maker]

Nice isn't it?

77374

[Plasnart]

Nice isn't it?

77374

They're both good mate, lifted or not. :)

[VK2FMIA]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

[Wine_maker]

One noise against another

77454


Two rusted frames is better than one
77455

[Wine_maker]

Alphabet

77673

77674

[GQtdauto]

Rust bucket now that's funny .

[GQtdauto]

Hey Winemaker does this sound like a diesel motor being started in the cold ?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DfIc5CX7mF4