Random joke and interesting pics

[Wine_maker]

Hi,
Lets post here unusual and interesting pics and comments for those who have a few spare minutes for good mood.

Isn't it in the Super Pit gold mine at Kalgoorlie? lol

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34753

[Wine_maker]

He forgot to paint travel line from country to country

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34780

[93patrol]

i can't understand why its on his back he will forget where he's been because he can't see the countries he's ticked off

[Wine_maker]

It will be painful when he began fill in color Russia, Canada and Greenland.

[AB]

This pic is interesting...lol

The dogs keep escaping so I told the misses to lock the gate....

Fail...lmao34793

[Ben-e-boy]

i can't understand why its on his back he will forget where he's been because he can't see the countries he's ticked off

Because he has the whole world on his shoulders

[taslucas]

He forgot to paint travel line from country to country

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34780

thats an awesome idea i reckon. It would be cool to have little dots of the actual areas visited in each country

[Wine_maker]

Somewhere in Russia

I think the guy was born here and back for a little.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34898

[Wine_maker]

Good morning mate!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35514

[93patrol]

makes me want to clean my teeth thanks wine maker

[BigRAWesty]

Good morning mate!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35514

Wtf is that???

[Wine_maker]

Wow! There is someone else except me in this thread. LOL

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35515

This car registered as tractor LOL

[Wine_maker]

This is house centipede
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata

When comes first cold nights they try to get in to warm homes.

[BigRAWesty]

This is house centipede
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata

When comes first cold nights they try to get in to warm homes.

Nice. Looks crazy. Looks like a millipeed had sex with a spider.. Lol

[Wine_maker]

Agreed. Disgusting thing http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=22950

[93patrol]

we get them here too Kallen seen one out in the bush when i helped my wife on a school excursion we went to a ranger hut in Fergurson Valley which is where i go 4wd and if you look hard enough there are 10-20 bugs in a 600mm2 area at one time in the undergrowth and ground cover

[BigRAWesty]

Yea I'm always amazed at insects.. How small a cell is to not only make a structure like those tiny legs, but also include the muscular structure to move..

[93patrol]

and the joy you get when the wife sqeals and squirms when she sees it climbing her leg

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/4.gif

[93patrol]

gold

but what a clown now he looks like a panda

[Wine_maker]

Cummins V8 - pandas choice!

[Wine_maker]

You don't know what is mean to be big shot!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/5.gif

He knows!

[Wine_maker]

Not Patrol, but also very interesting car

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35619

[Wine_maker]

I like how looks year 72, like Impala or Camaro.

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35680

[AB]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35680

Just ensuring that last bit of dust is out of the tray?

[TPC]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35680
Could imagine the driver would have been going "Faaaaark, don't tip...don't tip...don't tip"

[Wine_maker]

Fake? LOL
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/88.jpg

[megatexture]

Yea I'd put money on it that that's fake there's not even any dust from the tray or tyre treads

[BigRAWesty]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35680

"A boys, watch me handstand!!!"

[Wine_maker]

Winters fun!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/6.gif

[Fruitloop]

lol ......

[NP99]

Not Patrol, but also very interesting car

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=35619

Fond memories of mirrors on the fenders :)

[Wine_maker]

Lucky ass

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/7.gif

[Wine_maker]

Now he will never lose

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/8.gif

[NP99]

Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.

[nissannewby]

Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.

Gold. Why are you up so late :p.

I man walked intoa bar. And said "ouch"

[NP99]

Plenty of time for sleeping in the next life :)

[megatexture]

Lucky ass

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/7.gif

That was bloody close but he did get hit you can see the glass crack! I'd buy a lotto ticket lol

[Wine_maker]

This hit is a little scratch, against the worst case of this collision.

[BigRAWesty]

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

[the ferret]

Fairy tale



Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.


The end



Cheers, the ferret.

[Wine_maker]

Everyone lies!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/10.gif

[TPC]

I was at a Towbar specialist today to pick up something for work and noticed this car there with a towbar fitted.
Probably getting ready to tow a caravan around Australia.

[Wine_maker]

I was at a Towbar specialist today to pick up something for work and noticed this car there with a towbar fitted.
Probably getting ready to tow a caravan around Australia.

I think owner fit towbar only as plase for this! LOL

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/10/163.jpg

[the ferret]

Probably gunna use it fer heavy recovery!!
Cheers, the ferret.

[Wine_maker]

Yeah for heavy recovery from nearest bed of flowers!

[NP99]

I was at a Towbar specialist today to pick up something for work and noticed this car there with a towbar fitted.
Probably getting ready to tow a caravan around Australia.

They use them to pull billboards around.

[TPC]

They could probably tow this.

[Wine_maker]

freaking genius

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=36231

[the ferret]

freaking genius

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=36231

That'll trick em!!
Cheers, the ferret.

[BigRAWesty]

That'll trick em!!
Cheers, the ferret.

It would be better if the chain was 3 links shorter than the cutters. Would make for some good video footage I think..

[Wine_maker]

Who wants to charge phone this way?

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/1.gif

[Wine_maker]

Easy way!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/1.jpeg

[NP99]

...............

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=36380

[93patrol]

Haha yep love fixed it works great

[Cuppa]

This made me smile

[gaddy]

Yep this I'll work36390

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/2.gif

[TPC]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/2.gif
That freaks me out just watching it, he is nuts.

[Wine_maker]

The future is already here lol

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/3.gif

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/27.jpg

[TPC]

Its good to see the Australian Government is now warning people about Drop Bears.
Follow the link for more info. http://australianmuseum.net.au/drop-bear

[the ferret]

Doggy and I have pretty well culled most of them from around Mandurah, still the odd report tho, next shoot will be around Christmas.
Cheers, the ferret.

[threedogs]

Mates uncle used to blood his greyhounds using Koalas.
but don't worry the dogs were fine as we pulled the claws out of the Koalas first, lol
Now I think he uses Kangaroos with the tails cut off, yeah right

[mudnut]

You realise that once you've seen a drop bear, they will target you now.

[TPC]

I am a bit worried that now I have shaved off my beard I am more likely to get attacked.
I used to think they only went for Japanese tourists but they go for less manly men without beards too.

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/4.jpeg

[threedogs]

spied this at the local super market, I could fill an album with photos of what others do to their cars

[P4trol]

Ok, I'll read it if you do.

[SonOf]

Saw this ute today parked outside my work. Besides the fact it is a nice tight knot he has, knowing the employer well I do not think this passes the safety test.

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=36817

[Wine_maker]

http://roflindia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/1392088_590556884313361_577746849_n.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/5.jpeg

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/5.gif

[NP99]

spied this at the local super market, I could fill an album with photos of what others do to their cars

You say this like its a bad thing! :)

[gaddy]

...... ........36911

[kind]

Makes me smile :) 36931

[kind]

I think most people would agree :)

[gaddy]

You looking for me36962

[ova50]

This is where your call goes, when you are experiencing a technical problem
with your phone, internet or computer.

[gaddy]

37153..............

[Wine_maker]

New Asian amusement

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/7.gif

[AB]

Went to kiss my daughter good night. Felt like I was kissing Marge Simpson...lmao

37195

[Wine_maker]

:smileyvault-cute-bi

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/11/87.jpg

[gaddy]

..........37214

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37300

[gaddy]

........
37338

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37391

Ukraine.
I sure, this is was very uncomfortable moment for policeman, cause guys on the left is world box champion - Vitaliy Klichko.

[gaddy]

Yep.........37398

[kind]

Agreed very much so

[BigRAWesty]

Our son just sent me a text about a girl with 12 nipples. Dozen tit sound a bit suspect?

[growler2058]

Well Gary is the geezer who got home late one night and Marilyn his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?"
Gary replies "I was getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar note on my penis" he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking"? She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his penis?"
"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred dollars anytime you want."
Gary is now in The Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors until further notice.

[gaddy]

Toys is toys37435

[kind]

Just goes to show

[SonOf]

Seriously WTF,
There is a blue vein joke in here somewhere!
http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2013/11/people-are-making-human-cheese-using-belly-button-bacteria/7659/

[TPC]

Seriously WTF,
There is a blue vein joke in here somewhere!
http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2013/11/people-are-making-human-cheese-using-belly-button-bacteria/7659/
I opened it, saw the title and could not read it, WTF!

[NP99]

Seriously WTF,
There is a blue vein joke in here somewhere!
http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2013/11/people-are-making-human-cheese-using-belly-button-bacteria/7659/

Belly fluff does have a purpose...:)

[Wine_maker]

Easy way to build a bridge!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37533

[Wine_maker]

Bad day

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37534

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37535

[SonOf]

Not so much a picture but this video is pretty good: http://www.carsguide.com.au/news-and-reviews/car-news/exploding_road_stops_red_light_runner_video_80476_ 20131129?origin=newsfooter

[Wine_maker]

Like in the book "War of the Worlds" by Herbert George Wells :smileyvault-cute-bi

Its the are

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/18.jpg

[SonOf]

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me...
I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"

[NP99]

Easy way to build a bridge!
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37533

I'd love a carriage in my yard to reno...

[gaddy]

I want one of these trees in my bar 37646

[ova50]

No caption needed. The sign on the building.

[Wine_maker]

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me...
I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"


http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/1.png

[Wine_maker]

Lets have some fun!

17 years (from 1960 till 1977 ) launch code for all american nuclear rockets was - 00000000

proof:
For the Minuteman ICBM force, the US Air Force's Strategic Air Command worried that in times of need the codes would not be available, so they quietly decided to set them to 00000000. The missile launch checklists included an item confirming this combination until 1977.[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Permissive_Action_Link

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/44.jpg

[Mud Gecko]

1-2-3-4 Thats it?

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37714

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/1.jpeg

[gaddy]

Would you dare try it
37790

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/4.gif

[mudnut]

So simple and yet elegant.

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37821

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/5.gif

[ova50]

Putting the Horse before the Car.

37829

[ova50]

First Motor home.

[threedogs]

love that camo shot, bloody awesome

[ova50]

A few more

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=37859&d=1386747647

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/6.gif

[gaddy]

So true
37863

[gaddy]

...............
37870

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/7.gif

[gaddy]

Bloody oath37888

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/2.jpeg

[Wine_maker]

Of course everyone know how these stuff works, but these pics made awesome!!

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-01.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-02.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-03.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-04.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-05.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-06.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-07.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/car-engine/engine-08.gif

[Wine_maker]

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/flat-panel/flat-panel.gif

[Wine_maker]

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/handgun2.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/chamber.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/trigger.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/ejection.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/safety.gif

http://animagraffs.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/1911/ammo1.gif

[MEGOMONSTER]

Saw this on a bonnet of a Mazda BT50.
38112

[NP99]

Hey Wine maker, do you have one of those on how the female brain works :)?

[Wine_maker]

Actually, nobody knows how it works, but scientists suppose it is something like this:

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/Jennysez/womansmind-1.gif?t=1210501181

[Ben-e-boy]

Actually, nobody knows how it works, but scientists suppose it is something like this:

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/Jennysez/womansmind-1.gif?t=1210501181

So now we know how the female brain works we need to find the angry section, block it off and divert everything to the horny section.

When we have done that, knighthoods and Nobel peace prizes for all!

[taslucas]

So now we know how the female brain works we need to find the angry section, block it off and divert everything to the horny section.

When we have done that, knighthoods and Nobel peace prizes for all!

It must be done!!!

[NP99]

So now we know how the female brain works we need to find the angry section, block it off and divert everything to the horny section.

When we have done that, knighthoods and Nobel peace prizes for all!

I can get the angry part working easy.

[Wine_maker]

I know how we can find angry zone! Its activated by mention about overweight!

[NP99]

I know how we can find angry zone! Its activated by mention about overweight!

Just one of the many mate.....:)

[Wine_maker]

Just one of the many mate.....:)

Sure! But one of the most explosive!

[MEGOMONSTER]

Sure! But one of the most explosive!

Just say, " you don't look fat in those jeans, but those jeans look fat with you in them. "

Instant growler chilli flames from ears.

[gaddy]

38224
..............

[Bloodyaussie]

Followed this today!!!!!!

http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x260/jpgpz/Mobile%20Uploads/20131222_153643_zps7853b4f7.jpg (http://s184.photobucket.com/user/jpgpz/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20131222_153643_zps7853b4f7.jpg.html)

[Wine_maker]

what is this?

[Wine_maker]

When Tetris inventors coffin was putted into the grave, all other graves are disappeared.

[threedogs]

That's Shite BA lucky you never copped a rock or worse
Short cuts are soooo wrong

[gaddy]

.......... ........38255

[Bush Ranger]

So now we know how the female brain works we need to find the angry section, block it off and divert everything to the horny section.

When we have done that, knighthoods and Nobel peace prizes for all!

I think the angry section is where the two people are at the bottom rightish corner. One is filling up a box, which the contents falls out of the bottom of the box whilst it gets passed to the second person. The horny section might be the TV left of central position of picture that has `NO` flash on and off. If we can some how turn that in to a YES, we might have some luck. Just a wild guess.

[menace 2]

A blokes revenge..when girls don’t put out !

I thought I would share this event in my life..

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differs so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts.

For Example :

One evening,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well , the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
“I don’t feel like it , I just want you to hold me”

I said “WHAT!!...what is that”?!!

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear….
“Your’e just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do for you in the bedroom”?

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night…I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day away from work and spend the day with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and went shopping at a large department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different expensive out-fits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her that we could just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,.. “let’s get a pair for each out- fit”

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a set of pearl earings.

Let me tell you , she was so excited , she must have thought I was one sandwich short of a picnic.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet , when she doesn’t even know how to ,or play tennis !!

I think I threw her for a loop when I said “That’s fine honey”!

I believe she was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation , she finally said , “I think this is all darling , let’s go to the cashier”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out.. “No honey , I don’t feel like it”.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT”??

I then said.. “Honey !!...I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while”.
“Your’e just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman”!!

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me , I added , “Why cant you just love me for who I am , not for the things I buy you”??

I dare to say , I wasn’t having sex that night either…..but at least that bitch knew that I was smarter than her.!!

[menace 2]

38294

sort of puts a new meaning on horsepower

[Wine_maker]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2013/12/11.gif

[gaddy]

..............38620

[Wine_maker]

Just like my friend when winter comes.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2014/01/1.gif

[MEGOMONSTER]

38889
............

[BigRAWesty]

A blokes revenge..when girls don’t put out !

I thought I would share this event in my life..

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differs so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts.

For Example :

One evening,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well , the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
“I don’t feel like it , I just want you to hold me”

I said “WHAT!!...what is that”?!!

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear….
“Your’e just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do for you in the bedroom”?

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night…I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day away from work and spend the day with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and went shopping at a large department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different expensive out-fits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her that we could just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,.. “let’s get a pair for each out- fit”

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a set of pearl earings.

Let me tell you , she was so excited , she must have thought I was one sandwich short of a picnic.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet , when she doesn’t even know how to ,or play tennis !!

I think I threw her for a loop when I said “That’s fine honey”!

I believe she was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation , she finally said , “I think this is all darling , let’s go to the cashier”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out.. “No honey , I don’t feel like it”.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT”??

I then said.. “Honey !!...I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while”.
“Your’e just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman”!!

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me , I added , “Why cant you just love me for who I am , not for the things I buy you”??

I dare to say , I wasn’t having sex that night either…..but at least that bitch knew that I was smarter than her.!!

How did no1 applaud you for this one.
Great read...

[SonOf]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zWNJHS9PBE

An oldie but this always makes me chuckle

[SonOf]

Nice engine upgrade for a GQ, just a gew more bhp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2XsNPHd1AY

[93patrol]

39022


Yep they exist

[growler2058]

What goes around comes around !!!

Q. What do you get if you cross the English cricket team with an OXO cube?


A. A laughing stock.


Q What’s the height of optimism?

A: English batsman putting on sunscreen.



Q What’s the difference between an English batsman and a Formula 1 car?


A. Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.


Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.


Q. What does an English batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?

A.They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.


Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Pommies?


A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.



Q. What's the difference between the Pommies and a funeral director?

A. A funeral director isn't going to lose the ashes.

[SonOf]

39022


Yep they exist


Begs the question WHY!!!

[gaddy]

..............39261

[Wine_maker]

Buy land cruiser next! :smileyvault-cute-bi

[Stropp]

..............39261

i would buy two just in case.

[BigRAWesty]

Nice engine upgrade for a GQ, just a gew more bhp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2XsNPHd1AY

Omg... I'm in love. Fark ya ls1 conversions...

[Gecko17]

Omg... I'm in love. Fark ya ls1 conversions...

I tell ya Westy, I googled the engine on ebay... $7250US.

If I go ahead and build a project vehicle, that will be it's heart!

[BigRAWesty]

I tell ya Westy, I googled the engine on ebay... $7250US.

If I go ahead and build a project vehicle, that will be it's heart!

I've always wanted to do a stadium style patrol Ute. Omg how farking awesome would that be..

[93patrol]

39400

………………

[gaddy]

I'll admit I had to read it twice
39437

[Wine_maker]

As always from me something around alco lol
39500

39501

[Clunk]

As always from me something around alco lol
39500

Hahaha fantastic

[Wine_maker]

When I see both of these pictures

39502

and

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=39503&d=1390321059

some interesting thoughts begin moving in my head! lol

[TPC]

I thought this was interesting, shows how a stone wall helped stop a grass fire in Eden Valley north of Adelaide.
Seems the old timers in the 1800's knew what they were doing.

[gaddy]

For the retired people39562

[MEGOMONSTER]

For the retired people39562

This has got growler written all over it. PML

[gaddy]

...............39581

[gaddy]

.............3964039641

[Wine_maker]

For heavy bombers ONLY!

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=39643&d=1390540085

[Wine_maker]

Somewhere in Latin America

39646

39647

[MEGOMONSTER]

39648
The missus sent my this.

[Wine_maker]

What is this?

39662

This is his small brother! He wants to ate him!

39663

[Wine_maker]

Brutal offroad camp

39666

[BigRAWesty]

What is this?

39662

This is his small brother! He wants to ate him!

39663

Yea saw this a while ago. Simply insane the size of the digger hay..

[klompy]

How would they get that out.

[93patrol]

That's a reclaimer they use to feed the production side of the plant.

[BigRAWesty]

How would they get that out.

A farking big crane..

[Bush Ranger]

39648
The missus sent my this.

I was thinking of this just the other day who he reminded me of.

[moneypit]

Thought this was a good one for Australia day

39791

[Wine_maker]

True!

39891

[Clunk]

.................. 40006
40007
40008

[Wine_maker]

Very cold night I suppose

40021

may be somewhere in this city

40022

people on the bus stop

40023

[Wine_maker]

The most stupidest wedding photo that I ever seen

40062

[93patrol]

Would have been better if it was a sword instead

[Wine_maker]

In training center for snipers!

40083

[gaddy]

True40141.........

[threedogs]

When I see both of these pictures

39502

and

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=39503&d=1390321059

some interesting thoughts begin moving in my head! lol
My last 4x4 had a mini bar in the large rear door.

[gaddy]

Hope I'm this quick in the later years40144

[Wine_maker]

My last 4x4 had a mini bar in the large rear door.


I want to see it!

:useless:

[MEGOMONSTER]

If at first you don't succeed, improvise.
40247

[gaddy]

Umm always wanted a 2 door to torana 40256

[BillsGU]

WOW!!! That thing looks like it is actually registered!!?? Can't quite read the front plate to see where it is from.

[MEGOMONSTER]

Umm always wanted a 2 door to torana 40256

Man that's slick. Almost looks like a Dakar rally car.

[Wine_maker]

Friday is near, beer post!

Our beer as cold as heart of your Ex.
40291

40292

40293

40294

40295

40296

40297

[gaddy]

.............40322

[gaddy]

............40339

[93patrol]

40342For the hunters

[Wine_maker]

We waiting for you speeder!
"Funereal organization tel *** *** *** "

40458

[BillsGU]

Does that mean the speed limit is 150 kmh ??!! On a snow and ice covered road??!! WOW ..................................

[Gecko17]

Journalist interviewing John Lennon and Paul McCartney, from the Beatles, before a concert in the '60s.

Journalist: "Is Ringo Starr the best drummer in the world?"

John Lennon: "He's not even the best drummer in the Beatles."

[gaddy]

Umm todays hot topic40558

[TPC]

Catch Of The Day has these for sale today.

[Bob]

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.

The Englishman answers with humour:

No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver... on the other side???

[Gecko17]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop’s expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

[ova50]

Some solutions to the US budget cuts to the military.

[Gecko17]

Some solutions to the US budget cuts to the military.

Classic! Have to steal these to to show some military mates back home. Where did you get the photo of the NZ Air Farse? :D

[Wine_maker]

How many cars you can tighten at once?

40771

40772

[Gecko17]

Karma or Just Stupid?

40775

[BigRAWesty]

Why do we not have this in SA???
40833

[P4trol]

Cos who drinks West end?

[threedogs]

Thought this was funny don't know why

[SonOf]

This gave me a good chuckle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNXQAp0m5nA&feature=share

[93patrol]

funny but disgusting Sonof lucky i wasn't eating i have a weak as stomach

[SonOf]

funny but disgusting Sonof lucky i wasn't eating i have a weak as stomach

Yes, sadly it is my type of humour.

[gaddy]

................40865

[93patrol]

40884………;…

[MEGOMONSTER]

40967
Hilarious. In Shepparton today.

[Wine_maker]

Family with 2 children goes to the weekend?

[gaddy]

Unfortunately 41005

[Gecko17]

FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER



Hollywood Squares:





These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)





Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.





Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.





Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.





Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.





Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.





Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.





Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.





Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.





Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.





Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.





Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.





Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.





Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.





Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.





Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.





Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?





Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.





Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.





Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.





Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.





Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?





Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.





Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.





Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

[Gecko17]

This could also go in the Thought For The Day....

41057

[BigRAWesty]

This could also go in the Thought For The Day....

41057

In the debate of which hurts more, pushing a baby or being kicked in the nuts, it is clearly the later..

You always hear a women wanting more children.. You never hear a bloke asking for another nut squish...

[gaddy]

.............41064

[gaddy]

..............4116641167

[ova50]

How it was done in the "olden" days :D

[ova50]

Save yourself.:D

[ova50]

No horsing around.

[Wine_maker]

Test for attention
41187

[Clunk]

Test for attention
41187

Looks like a couple of unripe tomatoes in amongst the green apples

[Clunk]

..................
41353

41354

[firm351]

Pure gold mate they are both classics

[gaddy]

So who's a egg timer41437

[NP99]

4147541473414724147141474

[gaddy]

....... ........41525

[Wine_maker]

About the fools and the roads

41553

[gaddy]

..............41566

[Wine_maker]

What do you think about to buy a rocket launcher or tank or mortar?

41572

real t-72 just for 50 097 $

or Tatra RM 70 with GRAD system 38 408$

41573

may be KUB for 8 350 $ will be suit for you?

41574

41575

also interesting is

Gvozdika 22 266 $

41576

DANA on a TATRA T-815 8x8 - 19 482 $

41577

GANEF 13 916 $

41578

http://www.mortarinvestments.eu

[Wine_maker]

And even more


TU-95MS - BEAR real strategic bomber, missile carrier, airborne surveillance for $3,000,400

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ebaymotors/TU-95MS-Soviet-Bomber-/121288805711?forcev4exp=true#ht_4766wt_1399

41579

[Gecko17]

What do you think about to buy a rocket launcher or tank or mortar?

41572

real t-72 just for 50 097 $

or Tatra RM 70 with GRAD system 38 408$

41573

may be KUB for 8 350 $ will be suit for you?

41574

41575

also interesting is

Gvozdika 22 266 $

41576

DANA on a TATRA T-815 8x8 - 19 482 $

41577

GANEF 13 916 $

41578

http://www.mortarinvestments.eu

I wonder what that Tatra 70 would be like as a recovery vehicle?

[Wine_maker]

Patrols don't need a recovery vehicle! LOL
Leave it for yotata owners!

[P4trol]

I have a mate who drives a Toyota, and he brags about two Nissan recoveries... Wait for it...

Both flat batteries!

[SonOf]

saw this on Dirt 4x4 page, like wtf was this guy thinking?

41604

[Wine_maker]

Keyboard Rambo's weapon!

41615