Random joke and interesting pics

[AB]

I haven't cheated and my final answer lock it in eddy is zero or infinity whatever floats your boat.

[AB]

Depends....multiplying by zero is infinite and should really be zero. Perhaps 1 Or technically it's still infinite or zero lol I just cheated...

I should of gone with my perhaps answer ;)

[Winnie]

5...........
Ooops I meant 7 [emoji12]
Yep, 7.....

[AB]

Yep, 7..... how did you get to that?

[Clunk]

how did you get to that?
-1×0=0
2÷2=1
6+1=7

[AB]

-1×0=0 2÷2=1 6+1=7 You cheated!!!

I've met you Clunk and I know that's beyond you ;)

[Winnie]

-1×0=0
2÷2=1
6+1=7
Spot on. Gee, not that hard is it Clunk?

[Clunk]

Spot on. Gee, not that hard is it Clunk?
Nope, not at all...... I was too hasty with my first number and minused when I should have plussed

[ova50]

Clunk & Winnie have it.
The mate that wrote it down for me, also had the answer but I had to work out how it was 7 (without cheating).
Took me a while.
A online scientific calculator should give 7 as the answer.

I plan to get even with him with the 7x13=28 equation (if any of you remember Abbott & Costello, brilliant)
:cheers:

[Clunk]

You cheated!!!

I've met you Clunk and I know that's beyond you ;)
I like to surpise people once in a while [emoji8]

[Clunk]

Clunk & Winnie have it.
The mate that wrote it down for me, also had the answer but I had to work out how it was 7 (without cheating).
Took me a while.
A online scientific calculator should give 7 as the answer.

I plan to get even with him with the 7x13=28 equation (if any of you remember Abbott & Costello, brilliant)
:cheers:

Nah man, that's way too easy

[Touses]

The answer to this maths equation had me stumped for days.

My answer.

MATH SUX

[rusty_nail]

The answer to this maths equation had me stumped for days.
It's 7 isn't it?

Sent from my S50 using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

It's 7 isn't it?

Sent from my S50 using Tapatalk


bit bloody slow aren't you

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=66737&stc=1

[the evil twin]

... which is exactly why Shifters were invented

[TPC]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=66737&stc=1

I think the firemen should have chopped his c@ck off instead, we do not want people like that breeding.

[taslucas]

I think the firemen should have chopped his c@ck off instead, we do not want people like that breeding.
I don't reckon he has much of a chance at breeding, considering a ring spanner was looking good to him

>>>tappin from tassie

[the evil twin]

I think the firemen should have chopped his c@ck off instead, we do not want people like that breeding.

Nah... it was a SCA Spanner... if it had of been a Snap On it may have been different result.

"SCA, the tools selling tools to tools for their tools"

[Touses]

And the cross between a human male and a spanner would be........... A right tool!

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/216.jpg

[Rossco]

Wow just wow! That is seriously insane, i don't know where you could buy those things they would have to be custom made iwt. . .

[Sir Roofy]

Wow just wow! That is seriously insane, i don't know where you could buy those things they would have to be custom made iwt. . .


Buy them at Lowes the Big mans shop

[Rossco]

Buy them at Lowes the Big mans shop
I hope you don't have a pair Roofy. . .

[nissannewby]

I hope you don't have a pair Roofy. . .

Nuh he has 3 pairs

[Rossco]

I wonder how far the zipper goes on those bad boys. Also just noticed the old lady inside patiently waiting like there's nothing out of the norm. . .

[taslucas]

I think the lady is a reflection and taking the photo

>>>tappin from tassie

[Winnie]

I think the guy getting out of the car was driving, but was too busy looking at this guys bloody slacks and not paying attention to the road!

[Rossco]

I think the guy getting out of the car was driving, but was too busy looking at this guys bloody slacks and not paying attention to the road!
Oh wow i didn't even see that guy either. Man those pants are distracting! !

[taslucas]

I reckon that guy is getting INTO the car

>>>tappin from tassie

[Winnie]

Either way.... those pants are wild!

[mudnut]

That's Obelix when he's retired.

[Sir Roofy]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/216.jpg

Definitely Harry high pants that's for sure

[Rossco]

Definitely Harry high pants that's for sure
Yep that takes harry high pants to a whole new level. . .

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/234.jpg

[Avo]

Definitely Harry high pants that's for sure

thats a BRA not pants

[Touses]

Mornings the world over

66884

[growler2058]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f@cking fault!!!

[mudnut]

I read that to Mrs mudsane and she said " That sounds like our marriage. Somehow everything is my fault and you think you're in charge."

Edit: I had her permission to post this:)

[Bacho86]

Not really sure how to caption this, so I'll just let the pictures tell the story...

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/289.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/290.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/291.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Maxhead]

Not really sure how to caption this,

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Simple, "WANKER"

[BillsGU]

Three guys share a house.
They pay $300 per week rent – so they pay $100 each.

On the day the rent is due they are all sick so they give the $300 to their neighbour to pay the landlord.
The landlord feels sorry for them and gives the neighbour $50 to return to them.

The neighbour is a turd and keeps $20 – giving the remaining $30 to the guys.

That means the guys get $10 back each. That means each guy has paid $90.

$90 X 3 = $270. Add on the $20 the neighbour kept $270 + $20 = $290

What happened to the other $10?

[jack]

Haha I use a variation of this to confuse the grand-kids. Keeps them on their toes.

[Winnie]

Haha... Because you have subtracted the $30 then you should subtract the $20 as well.
Which gives you $250, add the $50 from the landlord and voila.

[growler2058]

Look at this forkwit! Just seen him 5 mins ago
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/301.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using My thumbs

[Punderhead]

Three guys share a house.
They pay $300 per week rent – so they pay $100 each.

On the day the rent is due they are all sick so they give the $300 to their neighbour to pay the landlord.
The landlord feels sorry for them and gives the neighbour $50 to return to them.

The neighbour is a turd and keeps $20 – giving the remaining $30 to the guys.

That means the guys get $10 back each. That means each guy has paid $90.

$90 X 3 = $270. Add on the $20 the neighbour kept $270 + $20 = $290

What happened to the other $10?

Easy. The three men paid $90 each.

90x3 = 270.

The landlord got $250
The neighbour got $20

$250 + $20 = $270

Quite simple, just worded to easily confuse. Much like the gubberment really!

Cheers!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

During a lady's medical examination, the doctors says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.

Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her clothes but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Please don't remove your clothes... just show me your tongue!"

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/315.jpg

[Wine_maker]

L - logic 67037

67036

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/338.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/344.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/359.jpg

[Hodge]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=67131&stc=1

[Wine_maker]

Planes of Angela Merkel, next Fransua Olland and the next is - Ed Force One.

67239

[mudski]

Planes of Angela Merkel, next Fransua Olland and the next is - Ed Force One.

67239
Bloody hell?

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Tapatalk

[Hodge]

When a Landcruiser can't even get out of Yarraville. lol
Mate sent me this, sometime last night, and funny because I was working literally no word of a lie about 1km from where that was lol.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=67830&stc=1

[Hodge]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=67831&stc=1

[the evil twin]

Yaeh, not bad is it... if it was a tad further forward it would be damn near perfect.
As it is, the rear wheels don't quite work when inverted... still better than I could do tho

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/06/288.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Avo]

in tassie to i bet

[Makka]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/06/288.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

Got Rice ??????

[the evil twin]

Got Rice ??????

Will Burn !!!!

[BigRAWesty]

A man was on a flight from USA to Australia. When he arrived at customs at Sydney Airport he was asked by the official "do you have a criminal record" to which the American replied "I didn't know you still needed one"!

[BigRAWesty]

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy.
All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.
The barman says, 'You ain't from around here, are ya?'
The guy says, 'No, I'm from Canada.'
The bartender says, 'What do you do in Canada?'
The guy says, 'I'm a taxidermist.'
The bartender says, 'A tixidermist?
What the hick is a tixidermist?
Do you drive a tixi?'
'No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi.
I mount animals.'
The bartender grins and yells, ' He's okay boys. He's one of us'

[Wine_maker]

From our local offroad forum. Fail in the mountain.

67994

67993

[Wine_maker]

The international game called - The spoons :clapping:

In Polland


https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=178&v=NSHId7wUf64

Somewhere in East


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I18QChccdBI

[Touses]

Alexander that is the funniest shit I've seen in ages! PML :smileyvault-cute-bi

[growler2058]

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Syria.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen another ‘great pair.’ I don’t want to go to Syria either.”

[TPC]

Liked this.
68580

[Wine_maker]

Hints

68589

68590

68591

68592

[mudnut]

So the top one acts like this I suppose. You would have to upgrade the unis and shaft to take the weight.

[taslucas]

And the last one works like this:http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/08/192.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Wine_maker]

Propaganda

68599

[4bye4]

America 68600





Russia 68601





Australia 68602

[TPC]

Wesley & Zwicker are really close.

68609

[Bush Ranger]

What`s the difference between a milk maid and a prostitute?
The milk maid is fair and buxom.

[Sprock]

the international game called - the spoons :clapping:
In polland


https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=178&v=nshid7wuf64

somewhere in east


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i18qchccdbi
hahahahahaha

[Wine_maker]

Plumbing works, it's easy!

68728

[jack]

Plumbing works, it's easy!

68728

Love it, I'm sending that to my plumber nephew.

[Bush Ranger]

How much money would a farmer have if he had 100 female pigs in one paddock and 100 male deer in another paddock?

One hundred sows and bucks.

[Clunk]

A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches
as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses - the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today."

[jack]

68866

..........

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/12.jpg

[Clunk]

The missus just asked me 'what's the difference between an Iron man & Iron woman?
I said 'One is a super hero And the other is a simple instruction!!'

[MEGOMONSTER]

Like my new t-shirt. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/66.jpg

[mudski]

Haha!

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Tapatalk

[TPC]

Like my new t-shirt. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/66.jpg

So it's ok to call you a di (k head then.

[MEGOMONSTER]

So it's ok to call you a di (k head then.

You's already do. Lol

[Winnie]

So it's ok to call you a di (k head then.
I dunno about you but I've been calling him that for years!

[MEGOMONSTER]

I dunno about you but I've been calling him that for years!

See, I told y'all. Lol

[TPC]

Crossing is flooded, I am sure my Prius will make it through.
68999

[rusty_nail]

Crossing is flooded, I am sure my Prius will make it through.
68999
If he stayed below 50 it wouldn't stuck any water in I guess lol maybe that's what he was thinking

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[MEGOMONSTER]

Bush lathe. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/105.jpg

[taslucas]

Jungle pottery class

>>>tappin from tassie

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/119.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Arfa Brayne]

Crossing is flooded, I am sure my Prius will make it through.
68999

Too bad it wasn't a Tesla - could have floated all the carp to the top.

[Plasnart]

Bush lathe. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/105.jpg

Holy moley, I'm guessing he knows to spin those 'pedes so that must either be some seriously sticky sh!t or not much of a rumble in the jungle at that section.

[TPC]

Too bad it wasn't a Tesla - could have floated all the carp to the top.

The bloody Carp would probably survive and it would only kill the native fish.

[MEGOMONSTER]

https://media.giphy.com/media/3o6ZteuVR0h4FrFsIw/giphy.gif

[Touses]

https://media.giphy.com/media/3o6ZteuVR0h4FrFsIw/giphy.gif

Grown your hair back mate?

[MEGOMONSTER]

Grown your hair back mate?

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/131.jpg

[Touses]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/131.jpg

You shoulda been in the movies! Bahahaha

[Bush Ranger]

I have a zest for buying vehicles that are lemons.

[Bush Ranger]

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years
and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old bloke tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,
"I outlived all the c^%ts" - and he calmly returned to his seat.

[growler2058]

"I outlived all the c^%ts" - and he calmly returned to his seat.

HAHHAHahaha GOLD, bit like Chopper Read ay

[Bush Ranger]

Yeah, made me laugh.

[Clunk]

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY WELSH GIRL!!
Three friends married women from different parts of the world..... the first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. ...
The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from WALES. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal........
The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he urinates..

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/280.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/09/281.jpg

[jack]

69238
........

[Bush Ranger]

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room.
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disneyland !”

[Bush Ranger]

Went fishing the other day, using a chop for bait. All I got was a snag.

[Wine_maker]

Cool photo from Russia

69279

[Bush Ranger]

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.......
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

[jack]

69376

...........

[Wine_maker]

Balloons

69611

[TPC]

Balloons

69611

I want them, would freak people out.

[Bush Ranger]

A State Trooper pulled an 87 yr old woman over for speeding. As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a concealed weapon permit.
Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask if she had a gun in her possession.
She replied in her crackly voice that she indeed did have a 45 automatic in her glove compartment.
The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons, to which she replied that she also had a 9mm Glock in her center console.
The shocked trooper asked if that was all and the little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse."
Finally the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?" and the little old lady smiled and replied,
"Not a bloody thing"

[Wine_maker]

The Gelen is offroader too

70229

[Wine_maker]

Black square and letters

70602

[TPC]

A farmer drove to a neighbours farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant!!"

The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

[jack]

Saw this posted on a mates timeline in Faceache, still laughing...

Hya Hooter, sorry I had to post this here but I tried to call you and I can't get a hold of you, and you didn't respond to my text. I found the information that you asked me about.... It's called pruritus anusitis, in other words itching anus - it's quite common and is not dangerous. It can happen if you don't wipe your bum properly. It can also be a sign of haemorrhoids in or near your bum hole, I still recommend you keep that doctor appointment. Wash it and keep it really clean and also wash your hands before you scratch, that way you don't get pink eye like you did last time. If kept clean, the anal odour should be bearable although you may want to keep spray to hand. I hope my answer helped you.

[TPC]

..........
70895

[Wine_maker]

I'm sure this guy have rd28t and it completely enough for all this stuff

71015

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/02/175.jpg

[Wine_maker]

Mr. who?

71035

[BillsGU]

Mr. who?

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=71035&stc=1

I think I would need the concentrated or extra strength version!

[Wine_maker]

No doubt it's love

71078

PS. Have you ever seen hairy Patrol?

I have a new avatar for someone

71079

[TPC]

71078

PS. Have you ever seen hairy Patrol?


71079

No, but I have had my Patrol in some Hairy situations.

[Wine_maker]

eau de toilette

71273

New avatars for someone

71274

71275

[TPC]

The Mexicans must really love Trump, they even have him on their toilet paper.

72083

[Clunk]

...........http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/05/244.jpg

[Clunk]

.............http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/05/266.jpg

[Bush Ranger]

I don`t fart, I say that my bum burped.

[VK2FMIA]

I Need a Vacation

https://youtu.be/-gE-HCN3_9E

[4bye4]

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make so I found the number and dialled it. A man’s voice answered 'Hello.' I asked if the person I wanted was home, only to be told “get the right bloody number” and was hung up on. I checked the number and found that I had indeed called the incorrect number. After calling the correct number, I decided to call the “wrong” number again. When the guy answered I said “your an arsehole” and hung up.
Every couple of weeks I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

One day I was at the store when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but he just called me an arsehole. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
Now, whenever I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said yes and gave me his name, Don, and his address.
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' and he said 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, ‘Don, can I tell you something?' and when he said yes I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up.

Then I called asshole #1 again. He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Cairns North.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Cairns North .
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

[Bush Ranger]

I called a new weight lost company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens. On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost
10 lbs as promised.
I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, I'm out the door after her like a
shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually
getting in better shape. Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh
myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.

I lost 63 pounds that week.

[the evil twin]

So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.

I lost 63 pounds that week.

Imagine how much more weight you would have lost if you were faster than him....

[Bush Ranger]

As long as I didn`t get a black eye out of it. I`m not going to explain that answer.

[TPC]

..........
72229

[4bye4]

..........
72229

That works OK.

72230

[jack]

72235

kitty kitty kitty

[Clunk]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/06/231.jpg

[DX grunt]

............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/06/231.jpg

A bit like when you don't put a comma (,) in the correct place in a sentence. It can have a double meaning. PML.

[GeeYou8]

A bit like when you don't put a comma (,) in the correct place in a sentence. It can have a double meaning. PML.
Punctuate this:
What is this thing called love.

[DX grunt]

Punctuate this:
What is this thing called love.



"What's this thing called, love?"

or

What's this thing called 'love'?



"How'd I go? How'd I go?" lol

[garett]

Punctuate this:
What is this thing called love.

What! is this thing called love?

[Winnie]

"What's this thing?" called Love.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

Punctuate this:
What is this thing called love.


"What's this thing called, love?"

or

What's this thing called 'love'?



"How'd I go? How'd I go?" lol


What! is this thing called love?


"What's this thing?" called Love.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
If you don't know, it's that obsession we have with our Patrols [emoji8]

[Clunk]

Oh and it's ..... What is this thing, called love?

[Clunk]

Now look what you've gone and done Grunter!!!! Haven't you got some 'Home and Away' to catch up on?

[Gecko17]

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet," the circus couple explained.
The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.

[Gecko17]

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently,
and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and,
to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:
When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

[Gecko17]

When you are over fifty, who gives a damn ?

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you 'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

[4bye4]

Studies have demonstrated that rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology:
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Benign - What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - A letter carrier
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumor - One plus one more
Urine - Opposite of you're out

[GQtdauto]

After looking at this pic I decided I wanted a Toyota .
72327

[Dhuck]

After looking at this pic I decided I wanted a Toyota .
72327

You sick mofo. lol

[TPC]

...........

72435

[Clunk]

...............http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/85.jpg

[Clunk]

.............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/164.jpg

[GQtdauto]

Now where do I buy those from .

[garett]

https://www.facebook.com/9gagTV/videos/821138778065433/

[Bush Ranger]

.............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/164.jpg

Might need 3 or more of those give it 10 minutes signs after I`ve been and I`m tired of repainting the loo room.

[Clunk]

When I got home my wife had 2 of her friends round. "Here he is," she said. "We were just talking about having a foursome, if you're up for it?" She smiled and winked. Two minutes later, I appeared naked with my dick in my hand. They all had tennis rackets in theirs!

[Clunk]

A few things to think about.

Why are there signs in Braille saying Do not touch?

How do they get the Teflon to stick on saucepans if it's non stick?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologises for doing so, why do we say,
"It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say,
"That hurt, you f**king bastard idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.....
if they're okay............. then it's you.

[Clunk]

Got pulled over by the police:
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round"
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Bright eye's"
That's when I got tasered.

[Clunk]

I went out in my new T-shirt that reads, "Minge Is Awesome! But a policeman arrested me on the street.
Apparently pro fanny tees aren't allowed.

[Clunk]

I let my wife take me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, "Shall we do something we've never done in the car before?" I said, "Go on then, bang it into fourth gear."

[Clunk]

My wife was going to pick me up from work but she phoned and said the cars broken down and I would have to catch the train home. I said, "What's happened?" She said, "there's water in the carburettor." I replied, "how do you know that?" She said, "it's in the canal."

[Bush Ranger]

I was bought a bush for the garden as a birthday present one year, so I exchanged it for a country, as they`re the best tree to have.

[Clunk]

.............

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/177.jpg

[GQtdauto]

I was bought a bush for the garden as a birthday present one year, so I exchanged it for a country, as they`re the best tree to have.

Was that a pussy willow ?

[Sprock]

when i got home my wife had 2 of her friends round. "here he is," she said. "we were just talking about having a foursome, if you're up for it?" she smiled and winked. Two minutes later, i appeared naked with my dick in my hand. They all had tennis rackets in theirs!

bahahahahahahahahaaha 😝😂

[Sprock]

Got pulled over by the police:
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round"
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Bright eye's"
That's when I got tasered.

Hahahahaaha

[mudnut]

The British ran a a three year $2 million study to find out why the head of the penis is larger in width than the shaft. They came up with the answer that it was to give the man pleasure during sex.

Not satisfied with that, the French commenced a seven year $5 million study and concluded that it was to give the woman pleasure during sex.

After much consideration and about $81 in stout the Irish decided that it was to stop the man's hand from slipping off and hitting himself in the forehead.

[Clunk]

My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him a XBox game for his Playstation

[Bush Ranger]

Was that a pussy willow ?

Yes, sure is.

[Clunk]

Just received a parcel from Holland.

When I opened it, inside it, there was a Rubber Fanny.

That's nice I thought, "Two Lips from Amsterdam."

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/195.jpg

[Bush Ranger]

What`s better than a rose on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

[Clunk]

.............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/204.jpg

[GQtdauto]

What you running out of good ones?

[Clunk]

What you running out of good ones?But that's s cracka

[GQtdauto]

Nah the Dr who one was a cracker .

[Clunk]

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window.

Bloody toot and car moon!

[TPC]

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window.

Bloody toot and car moon!

I didn't think it was possible but I think your jokes are getting lamer.

[Clunk]

I didn't think it was possible but I think your jokes are getting lamer.Never doubt me hahaha

[GQtdauto]

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window.

Bloody toot and car moon!

Nah that ones funny .

[Clunk]

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

[GeeYou8]

She was only the stable hand, but all the horse men knew her.

[GQtdauto]

No winners in the above two , best quit while you're ahead .

[TPC]

..........
72584

[TPC]

..........
72589

[Bush Ranger]

But that's s cracka

Didn`t he play foot ball?

[TPC]

..........
72604

[Clunk]

I said to the doctor, "I'm worried as whenever I go to visit my mother she gets my name wrong."

He looked up at me sympathetically and asked, "Is it Alzheimer's?"

I looked back at him in disgust and replied, "No, It's Clunk."

[Clunk]

My Ex-girlfriend just text me to say she's made a Voodoo doll of me.

I think she's pulling my leg.

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/303.jpg

[4bye4]

My Ex-girlfriend just text me to say she's made a Voodoo doll of me.

I think she's pulling my leg.

Shure it's only your leg she's pulling?

[Bush Ranger]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/303.jpg

Cracked me up this one did.

[Bush Ranger]

I went to the doctor the other day and he asked what brought me here to day, I said my legs. But seriously I told him I thought I had a cricket ball up my bum, he says `howzat`. Don`t you start I said.

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/318.jpg

[Clunk]

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

[Clunk]

Why did the semen cross the road?
I wore the wrong socks today.*

[GQtdauto]

Why are camels called ships of the desert ? Because they're full of Arab seamen .

[Bush Ranger]

Red heads got called carrot top(s) many years ago. Don`t know why, as the leaves are green.

[Clunk]

,............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/328.jpg

[Clunk]

.............
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/07/329.jpg

[TPC]

...........
72657

[Clunk]

Some bloke walked up to the counter today and said, "Burger and Fries please."
"Certainly sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"
"Feck off you prick," he snapped before walking off with his food.
I fecking love working in the prison canteen.

[Bush Ranger]

A bloke walked in to the doctors with bacon and eggs on his head. He says doc, it`s about my brother.

[Clunk]

I was on the last train home last night and the carriage was empty except for me and this sexy brunette sitting opposite.

I'd had a few drinks and was feeling a bit confident so I gave her a wink and a smile. She winked back and gave a little giggle.

Knowing that I was well in, I leant forwards and gently ran my finger up her leg. She gave me a look of shock, but didn't protest.

I caressed her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. She furrowed her brow but still no complaint.

With that my desire took over. I dived into the vacant seat next to her and grabbed one of her breasts and pulled it out. She squealed as I licked it all over and gave it a cheeky nibble.

Then I slowly sat back down in my seat and we exchanged stares. After a minute of silence she looked at me, with a little tear in her eye and said,

"You prick you've ruined my effin KFC."

[Bush Ranger]

...........
72657

Reminds me of the joke of a flasher who exposed him self to three old ladies on a park bench. Two had a stroke and the other one couldn`t reached.

[Bush Ranger]

A white horse walks in to a pub and orders a drink. The bar maid says ` We have a drink named after you`. It says ` What, Eric?`.

[GQtdauto]

A white horse walks in to a pub and orders a drink. The bar maid says ` We have a drink named after you`. It says ` What, Eric?`.

Have you been going thru Clunks bin ?

[Bush Ranger]

Have you been going thru Clunks bin ?

Sure have, so you know where I bin.

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/23.jpg

[Clunk]

bargain at half the price that is bachgen

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/24.jpg

[Bush Ranger]

What we all need after some bum fudge.

[Bush Ranger]

Little Susie goes out to the shed where her father is. `Dad` she says, `what`s sex`?
He thought she`s a bit young to be asking this, but thought he be honest and tell her.
He told her all about the birds and the bees story for about half an hour.
Her eyes grew wider every minute and dad asks her why she wants to know.
`Well` she says `mum told me to tell you that dinner will be ready in a couple of secs`.

[Thepower]

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

[Clunk]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

“Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

“You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

“Eat, sleep, play, and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[Clunk]

BBC News: An Indian builder has fallen through a roof at a Lionel Richie concert, a spokesman said "The last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling."

[GQtdauto]

BBC News: An Indian builder has fallen through a roof at a Lionel Richie concert, a spokesman said "The last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling."

I thought you gave that joke book to bushranger ?

[Clunk]

I thought you gave that joke book to bushranger ?

I only let him borrow it for a short while

[GQtdauto]

I only let him borrow it for a short while

Well don't let him borrow it anymore for shits sake , bad enough you've got it .

[Bush Ranger]

Talking of shits sake, I can`t dance for shit, but I will for money.

[GQtdauto]

Talking of shits sake, I can`t dance for shit, but I will for money.

Clunk tells me that's not all you will do for money !

[Bush Ranger]

Clunk tells me that's not all you will do for money !

You bet, wanna find out?

[GQtdauto]

Ok , I'll give you 50 cents to wash the GQ .

[TPC]

Clunk tells me that's not all you will do for money !


You bet, wanna find out?

So you are not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

[GQtdauto]

Talk about jokes , check this out .

https://mr4x4.com.au/electric-bollinger-b1-4x4-coming-excited/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=The+all-electric+Bollinger+B1+4X4+is+coming++And+we+re+exc ited&utm_campaign=PC+Newsletter+%23183

[Avo]

seen a pic of it on fb this morning,looks like a beer carton

[TPC]

Talk about jokes , check this out .

https://mr4x4.com.au/electric-bollinger-b1-4x4-coming-excited/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=The+all-electric+Bollinger+B1+4X4+is+coming++And+we+re+exc ited&utm_campaign=PC+Newsletter+%23183

An electric only car to use around town would be fine but not much good having a 4WD with a maximum range of 320Km followed by 12Hr charge.

[GQtdauto]

An electric only car to use around town would be fine but not much good having a 4WD with a maximum range of 320Km followed by 12Hr charge.

Yeah a useless piece of shit for out of town use .

[Clunk]

An electric only car to use around town would be fine but not much good having a 4WD with a maximum range of 320Km followed by 12Hr charge.Isnt that whay solar panels are for..... Fit some cycling pedals inside for the passengers to charge up a dynamo and do some work for a change.... All sorted ;)

[GQtdauto]

Isnt that whay solar panels are for..... Fit some cycling pedals inside for the passengers to charge up a dynamo and do some work for a change.... All sorted ;)

So you're buying one then are you ?

[Winnie]

An electric only car to use around town would be fine but not much good having a 4WD with a maximum range of 320Km followed by 12Hr charge.Eezy peezy. Just run a big genset all night long, also means you can have an electric heater in the tent. Bonus!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[GQtdauto]

I'm actually wondering what sort of range you'd get loaded up with all the extras we carry these days .

[TPC]

Eezy peezy. Just run a big genset all night long, also means you can have an electric heater in the tent. Bonus!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

Yea, I love the sound of generators when camping. :rolleyes:

[TPC]

I'm actually wondering what sort of range you'd get loaded up with all the extras we carry these days .

With the gear my wife makes me pack we would not make it off our street.

[Clunk]

Yea, I love the sound of generators when camping. :rolleyes:No different to your snoring and farting

[TPC]

No different to your snoring and farting

I am not saying that isn't true but how would you know?

[Clunk]

I am not saying that isn't true but how would you know?Read it on the forum

[Clunk]

So you're buying one then are you ?Couldn't say, I haven't read the article yet ;)

[Bob]

Police arrested two kids yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid,
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off.********* *

[Bush Ranger]

So you are not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Give me twenty bucks and find out.

[Clunk]

...........
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2017/08/72.jpg

[mudnut]

At the last Olympics, a young reporter went behind the scenes to get an interview. He saw a man carrying a vaulting pole and asked, " Are you a pole vaulter?"

"No," the man replied in a heavy accent, "I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

[Clunk]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.
One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream.
He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."