Random joke and interesting pics

[4bye4]

WW1 explained in terms of a bar fight...


Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s beer.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Turkey punches Russia in the back of the head when Russia isn’t looking. Britain and France tell Turkey that’s not on and once they’ve sorted Germany out Turkey’s next. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia (and New Zealand) punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings though because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[ova50]

Quick Quiz..............................

[ova50]

My Answers

[gaddy]

.................57015

[4bye4]

Little-Known Fact...
Here is an interesting (and totally useless) but little known fact..

The first testicular guard (“box”) was used in cricket in1874

And the first cricket safety helmet was used in 1974.

Which means.....
It took 100 years for men to realise that their brains may also be important ................

[4bye4]

...........57244

[TPC]

A good reminder!!
As the USA get closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember
that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs.
The last time she had a meaningful job,
she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky. ...







And Monica blew it.

[TPC]

I think somebody must have left their iPhone at Clunk's house.

57367

[93patrol]

10 thing you need to know

http://www.tcm-healthcare.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/PENIS.INFOGRAPHIC.png

[MEGOMONSTER]

Funny......

[4bye4]

..............57668

[Bush Ranger]

Whats a walrus and tupperware have in common?
Both like a tight seal.

[4bye4]

I had to put this up. Its not a joke but a true story.
Had a customer come into my small motor shop the other day. He had a new water jetting machine with a twin cylinder 37hp motor. The issue was that it started Ok but as soon as it came under load it would run rough and stall. Soon found the fault, one of the HT leads had been crushed when the manufacturer had put the cover plate on and was shorting to earth.
I wrote this up for the warranty report, (the manufacturer had asked us to do this, I was not the seller). I wrote, Missing #2 cylinder,cause crushed HT lead.
The next morning the manufacturers representative in Australia, (the machine was a German branded machine) called me to ask;
1-Was the missing cylinder there but had just not been attached?
2-Had the box the machine came in been checked to see if the missing cylinder was in the packaging?
3-Exactly what was a HT lead and what was the connection between that and the missing cylinder?
The guy was dead serious. Even my missus was cracking up herself listening to the conversation and she doesn't know a lot about motors. My mechanic is still ROFL.
I was so tempted to tell him we had found hydrocarbons in the fuel tank as well.

BOXTICKERS!

[growler2058]

What a nobhead ay! hahahahaa

[the evil twin]

... you should have told him to recommend the factory fit 3 cylinder engines so their machines have a spare if one goes missing

[growler2058]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/05/2.jpg (http://www.gmh-torana.com.au/forums/index.php?app=core&module=attach&section=attach&attach_rel_module=post&attach_id=54326)

[4bye4]

.............57728

[MEGOMONSTER]

.............. <img src="http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=57747"/> Wow, really.
How do you "no thanks" this.

[Clunk]

Wow, really.
How do you "no thanks" this.

Own a Ford hey Mego?lol

[Avo]

Own a Ford hey Mego?lol

says the HONDA JAZZ man











yeah call it the misses car all you want mate..i saw who drove it

[Clunk]

says the HONDA JAZZ man











yeah call it the misses car all you want mate..i saw who drove it

All you saw was my lily white arse mate

[MEGOMONSTER]

Own a Ford hey Mego?lol
No mate, but had three.

[93patrol]

https://youtu.be/oEM_LxCtmEI


Funny kids book

[katwoman]

https://youtu.be/oEM_LxCtmEI


Funny kids book

" This video has been removed by user"

[93patrol]

Maybe try this one

http://youtu.be/sU95SJDWuSY

[MEGOMONSTER]

Maybe try this one http://youtu.be/sU95SJDWuSY
What a joke. And someone actually got that published. Lol

[threedogs]

How to save money on home security

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=57835&stc=1

[dave97]

Does contain the f bomb a bit but worth the watch

https://youtu.be/3bPkIM-TAhw

[Rock Trol]

Sheila was in a coma after a car accident. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Bruce was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."

[growler2058]

Wow why a heart stopper YUMMO
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/05/191.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using My thumbs

[oncedisturbed]

1 for the Greenies



58196

[MEGOMONSTER]

That's why their always growling at night

[4bye4]

Got this fixed - now for the dif lock.

58199

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/05/242.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/05/243.jpg

Sorry. This is how I got it.

[growler2058]

http://i1056.photobucket.com/albums/t364/wot186/Forumpics/faithtones_zpsu31zma5y.png (http://s1056.photobucket.com/user/wot186/media/Forumpics/faithtones_zpsu31zma5y.png.html)

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/05/379.jpg

[93patrol]

https://www.facebook.com/deanne.pitts/posts/10206984963045203

Some good words in this link


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MEGOMONSTER]

https://www.facebook.com/deanne.pitts/posts/10206984963045203

Some good words in this link


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Can't view.

[TPC]

https://www.facebook.com/deanne.pitts/posts/10206984963045203

Some good words in this link


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

As Mego said, can't view, can you remember what the good words were and write them for us???

[Wine_maker]

Not now, Jack! I'm working!

58564

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/06/75.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

Croosa in Noosahttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/06/97.jpg

[Clunk]

58651
................

[jack]

58663

..........

[Maxhead]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=58663&stc=1

..........

Ohh god, don't let see Chrisso see this

[Wine_maker]

Buttons for losers!

58664

[firm351]

He thought it was a great photo until he saw it !!!!!!

58726

[Bush Ranger]

^^ Here mate, put some lip stick on, it`ll make you look cute.

[Wine_maker]

Happy birthday?

58758

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/06/171.jpg

[Bush Ranger]

I thought a glass bowl fuel pump from a 186S Holden would`ve worked.

[Bob]

A man is in bed with his wife

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

























And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/06/278.jpg

[Chimo]

Mego

That series of pics starts with the bird pulling the plate out of the bin does it not?

I know they are smart birds but not sure they are that helpful.

Cheers
Chimo

[MEGOMONSTER]

Mego

That series of pics starts with the bird pulling the plate out of the bin does it not?

I know they are smart birds but not sure they are that helpful.

Cheers
Chimo

That's exactly what I said. Lol.

[yazz22]

Hahaha. some of these are sooooo funny

[Wine_maker]

Heavy metal!

59121

[TPC]

Latest in ARB's range of recovery equipment.
They take up a bit of room but well worth it.

59171

[4bye4]

Latest in ARB's range of recovery equipment.
They take up a bit of room but well worth it.

59171

What do you do with them when your'e not off road?

[TPC]

What do you do with them when your'e not off road?

They can wash your car too.

59172

[awloelxf]

Latest in ARB's range of recovery equipment.
They take up a bit of room but well worth it.

59171

Here is some danger. You may decide not to recover! Read manual carefully.

[awloelxf]

What do you do with them when your'e not off road?

Store in clean, dry vell ventilated area. Keep away from children %)

[TPC]

Walking Down The Aisle

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.


My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.


It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me.


I gave her a loving smile and said,



"Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing 3 cartons of beer for the price of 2 !!"

[4bye4]

Found this on fb
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=900687196677742&set=o.334917396629801&type=3&theater

[4bye4]

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! Xxx

[TPC]

How much firewood can you fit in the back.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/07/87.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/vLVR2G)11666243_923394337707903_733364467727737299 5_n (https://flic.kr/p/vLVR2G) by [url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/134459865@N04/]

[klompy]

Mate that's only half a load should of got some roof racks:D

[MEGOMONSTER]

One tough looking rod. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/07/137.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/07/291.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/07/315.jpg
What a set up.

[4bye4]

Why is this in the joke thread. Looks perfectly OK to me - should be in member build area.

[MEGOMONSTER]

It's under the interesting pics category.

[4bye4]

Wouldn't want the fuel bill.

[MEGOMONSTER]

Wouldn't want the fuel bill.

I don't think money is a concern.

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/35.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/38.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/39.jpg

[blocko05]

What do you do with them when your'e not off road?

I would thoroughly clean them by hand and place them in my bed for safe keeping. Would not lend them to any of my mates to use and abuse them

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/47.jpg

[TPC]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/47.jpg

Ha Ha Ha, must send that to a ate of mine, he has 4 chickens that have all stopped laying eggs but his wife will not let him take care of them as they are now pets.
Who would want a bloody chicken as a pet.

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/52.jpg

[jack]

60438
..........

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/61.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/62.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/63.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/87.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/89.jpg

[TPC]

.................

60482

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/95.jpg

[Woof]

Hate you hahahahaha

[mudnut]

40 seconds?
More like 2 minutes.

[Clunk]

40 seconds?
More like 2 minutes.

Even better hahahahaha

[TPC]

Clunk, for 40 seconds I thought you had actually posted something serious, should have known better. Bang Head

[Clunk]

Clunk, for 40 seconds I thought you had actually posted something serious, should have known better. Bang Head

http://img3.owned.com/media/images/1/5/7/4/15743/beer_boobs_540.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/110.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/08/111.jpg

[ova50]

Target Shop

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/09/321.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/10/78.jpg

[tuckertrucker]

Yes Officer, I DID see the speed limit sign, but I DIDNT see YOU.

[TPC]

Jenny Craig for Men

A Bloke calls the company and orders their 5 day – 5 kgs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe from J.C. dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

The sign reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few kilometers later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kgs as promised.


He calls the company and orders their 5 day – 10 kgs program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 kgs, as promised.


He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day – 25 kgs program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'


The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'



He lost 31 kgs that week. .. ..

[TPC]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd really like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

[4bye4]

Lets see UHF, VHF, Satnav, maps, phone epirb, OK ready to go to Ikea.
62381

[4bye4]

Oh shit!
62382

[nissannewby]

Lets see UHF, VHF, Satnav, maps, phone epirb, OK ready to go to Ikea.
62381

Surely there is a flux capacitor in there as well

[4bye4]

quiz: are you male or female?

not sure??

(have a look further down to find out)























not in this post you dopey bugger

[TPC]

Wtf.............

62473

[TPC]

.............
62705

[Bob]

A baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down."
The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead. "How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"

[BigRAWesty]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/11/177.jpg

[MEGOMONSTER]

Far Can Uglyhttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/12/95.jpg

[threedogs]

worst bullbar ever

[gaddy]

worst bullbar ever
Dare you to say that west of toowoomba , reckon evey property owner has one , see more of them than any other , TUFF bars, made in toowoomba all alloy and what ever you hit stays hit !

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

[threedogs]

the old B&S 5 poster for sure things will stay hit
there is enough alloy to get a small asia country out of debt

[TPC]

...............
63349

[MEGOMONSTER]

Aha, cos that's what their made for. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/12/118.jpg

[Wine_maker]

Far Can Uglyhttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2015/12/95.jpg

I warn you next pic can be cause of eye bleeding

63499

63500

63501

[Wine_maker]

I keep this photo long time for my returning to forum!

The Patrol on duty in USSR Road Police.

63502

If it's interesting, I can post other non Soviet cars on duties.

[Hodge]

Saw this on faceache before. Patrol at Costco carpark, stuck (apparently) hard to tell by the photo. Going by the posters description, the bloke tried to shortcut it and got bogged... It's a Patrol ute.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=63509&stc=1

[rusty_nail]

Saw this on faceache before. Patrol at Costco carpark, stuck (apparently) hard to tell by the photo. Going by the posters description, the bloke tried to shortcut it and got bogged... It's a Patrol ute.

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=63509&stc=1
Ha-ha! What a dick head!

Sent from my E6782 using Tapatalk

[Wine_maker]

Caterpillar's day

63510

63511

Hey Andy why COUBs isn't works on forum? Just for fun.
This one will be nice for our theme http://coub.com/view/a0xpv or https://coub.com/view/aho2
And tis one great at all http://coub.com/view/6t5ph or this http://coub.com/view/8cnm8

[growler2058]

Cool! I want the blue one but with the green ones Gun!!


Sent from my iPhone using My thumbs

[Wine_maker]

Looks like supersonic

63824

[TPC]

Jumper

Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.


After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"





"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."




























It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[ova50]

People who look like things

[TPC]

.................
64166

[ova50]

This could be the first navigation system for motor vehicles.
From around the early 1930s.
The Iter Avto, it used maps on paper rolls that would wind onto another roll.
The scroll rate was controlled by a cable connected to the speedo.

The negatives would be that there was no Points of Interests, Maybe you could draw them on.
No speed camera locations, or re-routes if you miss the turn.

Pretty good concept for its day.

[ova50]

I wonder how many parents bought one??

[Clunk]

I wonder how many parents bought one??

seems perfectly reasonable to me...... I'd by one

[mudnut]

I can think of one deceased pop star that would have.

[ova50]

Here is the adult version, at least this one is strong enough to hold a horse (how did they know that ?)
It's camping with all the advantages of home. Might see if they are still in business.
:cheers:

[Clunk]

Here is the adult version, at least this one is strong enough to hold a horse (how did they know that ?)
It's camping with all the advantages of home. Might see if they are still in business.
:cheers:
I could do with some vim, vigour and vitality

[ova50]

I could do with some vim, vigour and vitality

I thought Vim was a powdered cleaner like Ajax.

[Clunk]

I thought Vim was a powdered cleaner like Ajax.
Nah it's the Vim they put in Vimto

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/01/256.jpg
Cos how else do I get the shopping home.

[Wine_maker]

The secret ingredient is disclosed now!

64276

[Wine_maker]

Do you see the message?

64353

[4bye4]

The Missing Rancher

A rancher dies and leaves everything to his wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

“Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly..

“Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..”

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said,

“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

and what you were thinking ?????

[ova50]

1. 1883, The first Wimbleton. (not many spectators)
2. 1923, Car racing on top of the Fiat factory.
3. 1928, The Fiat Rooftop race track. (this track was used in the original movie "The Italian Job")
4. 1928, Filming the roaring Lion for MGM studios.
5. 1946, USA detonates the first ever under water nuclear bomb. (code named Baker)
6. 1956, This is a 5 megabyte IBM hard drive being loaded onto a plane for transport.
7. 1963, A Navigation Call Centre. ( directions via the phone)

:cheers:

[ova50]

1. This was supposedly an invention to avoid punctures by sweeping the road.
2. The Jail Bike, wouldn't be too difficult to grab the cop.
3. A invention for catching pedestrians if you happened to run into them.
:cheers:

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/02/198.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[ova50]

........................

[4bye4]

1. This was supposedly an invention to avoid punctures by sweeping the road.
2. The Jail Bike, wouldn't be too difficult to grab the cop.
3. A invention for catching pedestrians if you happened to run into them.
:cheers:

Is no3 the first Uber cab?

[ova50]

Church notice boards.

[Wine_maker]

I know where is Lucas stole the idea of flying chases

64941

he takes it here

64942

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/02/213.jpg

[Clunk]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.

[4bye4]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
Makes sense to me - but my missus may not agree.

[Wine_maker]

If they will build it with surface 10 m2 I will say shut up and take my money!

64991

[BigRAWesty]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
Have always said that lol

[Wine_maker]

Stephen King's 8th grade essay - my summer time.

65028

[Wine_maker]

How does the things starts.

65038

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/02/235.jpg

design award winner 2010.

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/02/270.jpg

[Wine_maker]

So unexpected 65265

65266

[the evil twin]

ROFLMAO... piss funny... prob the wrong wrong thread but still piss funny

[jay see]

Any takers.

65267

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/98.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Chimo]

Must be a Tassy thing?
Please explain.

Cheers
Chimo

[taslucas]

Must be a Tassy thing?
Please explain.

Cheers
Chimo
See what's at the top of the Google suggestions lol.

>>>tappin from tassie

[Wine_maker]

near

65323

[cltchrystal]

Just making a new art piece, if we put 4 in a row it will look so much better

[cltchrystal]

looks like my old work ship

[Wine_maker]

Are you kidding me?

65409

[Wine_maker]

M-medicine

65456

[TPC]

M-medicine

65456

Can you send me a dozen boxes.

[Wine_maker]

Liquid analogs of this medicine are selling under brands - Smirnoff, Absolut, Stolichnaya and other 40% bottled liquids in the nearest shop. VB and other are nice too but they are induce high urinate.

[Cuppa]

Liquid analogs of this medicine are selling under brands - Smirnoff, Absolut, Stolichnaya and other 40% bottled liquids in the nearest shop. VB and other are nice too but they are induce high urinate.

Nup, sorry Wine_maker, you obviously need educating...................VB is absolute rubbish! ;)

[garett]

Nup, sorry Wine_maker, you obviously need educating...................VB is absolute rubbish! ;)

VB= Vomit Bomb

[Wine_maker]

Nup, sorry Wine_maker, you obviously need educating...................VB is absolute rubbish! ;)

Maybe, I will be lucky enough and sooner or later I will see the Opera House and the Uluru by my own eyes and I will try Australian wine or beer and make my own opinion by VB also lol

[MEGOMONSTER]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/228.jpgdiesel prices in Bairnsdale over the weekend.

[taslucas]

Maybe, I will be lucky enough and sooner or later I will see the Opera House and the Uluru by my own eyes and I will try Australian wine or beer and make my own opinion by VB also lol
I haven't seen the Opera house or Uluru... But I have tried vb :-(

>>>tappin from tassie

[Wine_maker]

Really really lucky man

65530

65531

[Avo]

I haven't seen the Opera house or Uluru... But I have tried vb :-(

>>>tappin from tassie

can't get a passport hey

[4bye4]

Who are you calling a big pussy?
65532

[Bacho86]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/236.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/237.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/238.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/239.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/240.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/241.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/242.jpg

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/243.jpg

[taslucas]

can't get a passport hey
Nah too much to see here first before all the mainlanders trample it

>>>tappin from tassie

[Wine_maker]

Canada

65603

[Rossco]

65605

Lol

[TPC]

I might go to hell for this one.
65704

[Touses]

I might go to hell for this one.
65704

Nah! Reckon God has a sense of humour. Can't be a bitch all the time can she?

[the evil twin]

Nah! Reckon God has a sense of humour. Can't be a bitch all the time can she?

Ooohhh... at Easter too

Good to see she got promoted from the topless Car Wash but she needs to back off on the Roids... her Lady Phillips Shaver is struggling with the facial hair

[ova50]

..........................

[macca]

Nup, sorry Wine_maker, you obviously need educating...................VB is absolute rubbish! ;)

Visitors Beer, give it to visitors and keep the good stuff for ourselves LOL

[Wine_maker]

Epic fail

65732

[Wine_maker]

Yeah, yeah I know that this pics a little bit -

65733

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/294.jpghttp://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/03/295.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Wine_maker]

Somewhere in Canada or Siberia

65753

[TPC]

..........
65781

[BigRAWesty]

..........
65781
I had to explain that to nissa... FML

[Touses]

Somewhere in Canada or Siberia

65753

The mind boggles! Other bits shrivel! Horrid to think of!

[threedogs]

65605

Lol

Thats the tallest tree in Victoria isnt it.
Good little trip from Marysville to Woodspoint via frenchmans spur track

[Sprock]

I had to explain that to nissa... FML

Hahaha goodness me

[Sprock]

65605

Lol

I go past that turn off 2-3 times a day but have NEVER been up to it , talking to a mate the other day we now plan to in the next few weeks . They reckon it's massive - & surrounded by many similar ? Guess I'll find out soon .

[threedogs]

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Two-metal-20l-jerry-cans-had-diesel-fuel-in-them-/281986199774?hash=item41a7aff0de:g:Fr4AAOSwgApW~Dt J

It is what it is

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/04/5.jpg

[Touses]

True Clunk but it"s bad manners to brag!

[Clunk]

True Clunk but it"s bad manners to brag!
Can you tell me what it says then please? Hahahaha

[the evil twin]

Can you tell me what it says then please? Hahahaha

No, because if you could then you would know what it says and if you can't then it doesn't matter

[Clunk]

No, because if you could then you would know what it says and if you can't then it doesn't matter
Oh go on...... someone else be naughty for once [emoji12]

[Touses]

Can you tell me what it says then please? Hahahaha

Now that I've had a second look it probably says I have an inflated ego. Ha ha.

[Wine_maker]

65881

How I'm going from the mall

65882

65883

in case of emergency brake the glass with hammer

65884

nobody was hurts in this collision

65885

Fibonacci spirals are ambrosial

65886

Safety - first!

65887

[growler2058]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10422435_1702591040008541_903358981231889057_n.jpg ?oh=ea19de0abf31fbf55e690dfd689facff&oe=577EC074&__gda__=1468336381_fd5f3188c08709e516fd8e65bd0fcc1 9

[threedogs]

Can you tell me what it says then please? Hahahaha

But then we'd have to dispose of you, you should know those rules
Its really easy to figure out,,,really

[4bye4]

Capitalism explained
65895

[ova50]

NSW RMS (Roads and Maritime Services) logic.

[mudnut]

That's for very slim cyclists.

[the evil twin]

If it is like WA they probably checked with the one cyclist in the state who uses cycle lanes and did it while he was away on Holidays.

[ova50]

......................

[Wine_maker]

The evolution of the slaves mark

65996

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/04/53.jpg

[ova50]

CLUNK, A link to where interested parties can purchase this would be appreciated.
:)

[Touses]

I'm confused. How is that little tube big enough to clean a killer whale? Anyhow Willy should be free!

[Clunk]

CLUNK, A link to where interested parties can purchase this would be appreciated.
:)
Here you go mate

http://kiwihouseonline.com.au/store/willy%20wash

[ova50]

Perhaps not as good as the one Clunk posted in the monthly competition.

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/04/160.jpg

[ova50]

...........................

[TPC]

I take this when I go on big camping trips to save on weight.

66517

[ova50]

Ever wondered why Goldie Hawn hasn't done any movies for a while.
What Happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[taslucas]

Oh
My
God

>>>tappin from tassie

[4bye4]

Ever wondered why Goldie Hawn hasn't done any movies for a while.
What Happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When your lift wears out and your suspension sags.

[taslucas]

And you've been driven hard around the block

>>>tappin from tassie

[Kimbo63]

I think she blew something big

[Touses]

Definitely ridden hard and put away wet!

[Wine_maker]

Rainy day?
No problem!

66534

[ova50]

These two items once shared a close relationship with each other.
??
:cheers:

[mudnut]

Still do here at my joint.

[taslucas]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/67.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

[Plasnart]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/67.jpg

>>>tappin from tassie

No wonder they all smoke. Causes less harm than breathing air.

[TPC]

Still do here at my joint.

Thought you would have an 8 track. ;)

[mudnut]

Star Wars Day today...




































































May the Fourth be with you.

[ova50]

Remember Yvonne DeCarlo (Lilly Munster).
Perhaps not quite like this though.

:cheers:

[ova50]

................................

[Touses]

................................

Elicits a strange reaction. Given the homeless situation world over not sure whether to laugh or sigh. Humour and pathos.

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/155.jpg

[mudski]

Remember Yvonne DeCarlo (Lilly Munster).
Perhaps not quite like this though.

:cheers:
Hmm Munster...

Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/182.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/186.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/189.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/190.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/191.jpg

[Clunk]

http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forums/images/imported/2016/05/192.jpg

[ova50]

The answer to this maths equation had me stumped for days.

[Clunk]

The answer to this maths equation had me stumped for days.
5...........
Ooops I meant 7 [emoji12]

[AB]

Depends....multiplying by zero is infinite and should really be zero.

Perhaps 1

Or technically it's still infinite or zero lol

[mudnut]

BOMDAS or BODMAS should get you outta trouble.

[ova50]

Will let this run for a little, to see how many can answer it. (hopefully without cheating).

[ova50]

BOMDAS or BODMAS should get you outta trouble.

Depending on country, also Pemdas.
:cheers: