The Joke Thread

[MB]

Emergency Teacher Miss Edwards filling in for Mrs Bowers at a small Riverina Primary School in South Western New South Wales recently.
Miss Edwards kindly informs her temporary grade 3 rural class that Mrs Bowers has unfortunately caught a case of the Mumps and that she was here to help out in her absence whilst recovering.
“For this weekends English homework students I would like you all please to find another real life use of the word ‘contagious’ that we can share on Monday morning in stories together”
Monday comes around and little Sarah is first to share her story with Miss Edwards and the class.
“Well Miss, my family and I watched our favourite television show together (Hey Hey It’s Saturday) where Daryl & Ossie had us all laughing so hard that mummy said it was ‘contagious’.
“Great work Sarah” Miss Edwards said then asked little Jimmy next to share his weekends story.
“Well Miss, my Dad and I were travelling through the orchard region between farms together when we saw our neighbours tractor trailer flipped over on the side of the road with thousands of Oranges everywhere”.
“Goodness gracious me” Miss Edwards said.
Little Jimmy continued on...
“Dad then turned to me and said we’d better stop and help Barry out son as that’ll take the poor ‘c#nt ages’ to clean that mess up”.







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[Ghosts]

Little Susie goes to the shed and asks her dad ``What`s sex?``.
Dad thought what was he going to tell little six year old Susie. He decided to tell her all about the birds and the bees and Susies eyes widened as dad was telling her all about it.
Dad asks why she wanted to know and little Susie says `` Mum told me to tell you, that dinner was going to be ready in a couple of secs.``

[Touses]

My view on lesbians? By preference full HD.

[Ghosts]

A hen laid an orange one day and one of her chick says ` look what marmalade`.

[Ghosts]

If a farmer had one hundred female pigs in one paddock and 100 male deer in another, how much money would he have?
One hundred sows and bucks.

[rusty_nail]

A hen laid an orange one day and one of her chick says ` look what marmalade`.

Absolute dad joke gold!!!

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[mudski]

A snip from the interwebs...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[Touses]

Duck farts, where do they come from?




................ Their buttquacks

[MB]

Helping the Father-in-law mate out tidying up his garage we found his old joke folder from trucking in cab storage days :-)



And they’re the most politically correct ones we could find :-)



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[Avo]

There is no one 2 miles away.....bwhaaaa

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