Choking on it?
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Choking on it?
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Ah fuck it..Quote:
Originally Posted by Avo
Typical thirsty thirdsady....mist redit
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Who's Amanda?Quote:
Originally Posted by mudski
[emoji23]
.........
Attachment 82847
I don't know who she is or what she is like, but I think eating amanda outQuote:
Originally Posted by mudski
Now, don't quote me here....... but.
The latest covid research indicates that only males and females are subject to infection.
There is NIL indications of infection in the other 70 genders.
Talking to a woman t'other day, she heard the covid vaccines cause infertility.
Another woman heard they cause autism.
A bloke I had a chat with heard they they had nano trackers in them.
Strikes me what we need is "heard" immunity.
‘Heard’ them all into Yanco Touses Mate, they’re not worthy of a quick bolt, a slow hippy electrocution death they all requested back peddled on slow now too [emoji24]
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I gotta get new glasses. The new deodorant stick read: Push Up Bottom, or some such thing. It hurt a bit, but every time I fart, the room smells pleasant.
He grabbed me by my slender neck
I couldn't yell or scream.
He took me to his dingy room
Where we could not be seen.
He stripped me of my flimsy wrap,
And gazed upon my form.
I was wet and cold and damp,
And he was nice and warm.
His feverish lips he pressed to mine,
I gave him every drop.
He drained me of my very self,
And I couldn't make him stop.
He made me what I am today,
That's why you find me here...
A broken bottle, tossed away,
That once was full of beer.
That deserved more than a like...
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Scientists are working on methods for humans to absorb the energy to live, without needing to expel waste.
I shit you not.
From Faceache.
With the rise of the self-driving vehicle, it is only a matter of time until there is a sad country song about a truckie whose rig leaves him.
My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns.
She said if I make any more, I'm toast....
But the kids keep egging me on....
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Brett Sutton is Victorian Of The Year.
I am writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes, but it is still only a draft.
My wife has has figured out which child causes her the most trouble.
The son of her mother in law!
I want to work at a pottery makers, but I keep getting fired.
In a roundabout way, my career guidance counsellor told me to work at carnivals. Yet he got straight to the point when told my friend to become a tailor.
When God said, "Let there be light," he was glad he made someone's day.
Christmas in July…..Aussie Winter Celebrations [emoji318]
Bought a Tree [emoji268] from down the road and The Bloke ask me; “Are you going to put it up yourself” ?
Politely replied; “Nah mate, reckon we’ll just put it next to the Coonara in the lounge room.
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I thought you were referring to muddy’s bon bon-class humour when you started with Xmas in July mate! Lol
Bon Bon Humour Rocks Too Plassy & Muddy Mates [emoji736][emoji736][emoji106][emoji106][emoji23]
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I am addicted to Dad jokes, so I told my doctor. He just said I can't be serious. My friend also came to the doctor with me. I said, "My friend thinks he's a fruit bat."Quote:
Originally Posted by MB
The doctor replied, Ahh, I was wondering why he was hanging around."
Haha you reminded me of this one muddy:
I went to the psychiatrist the other day just wearing glad wrap for pants. The doctor said “Well I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
I could do lots of jokes about the universe, but I don't where it will end.
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...2023/07/49.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by mudnut
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Two narcissists lying on a sunny beach. The first one says, "God its hot."
The second snaps, "Don't use my name in vain!"
The first shrugs and says, "I was talking to myself."
Reminds me of the old days.
Attachment 87052
Do the Poles have magnetic personalities, or do they repel one another?
Is the Vatican just another god complex?
Quote of the day: $5000 to get the noise fixed in my car's front end. Personally, I think that is a steering racket.
Attachment 87053Quote:
Originally Posted by mudnut
……….:)
A pilot with hemorrhoids job is sore-ring high.
Just to clear the air, I use filters.
Pushing shit uphill is wasted effort.
As a young father, I was never told that changing nappies was so terrible. It is a bum wrap.
Love YA Work Muddy Mate [emoji736][emoji736][emoji106][emoji106]
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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I
replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
______________________________
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No”, she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
______________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first ... the
shed, the boat, making beer.
Always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever
way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway"
The doctors say I will walk again, once my testicles descend, but I will
always have a limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked,
"What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
______________________________ __
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2
seconds."
I bought her bathroom scales.
And then the fight started.
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt"
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got
disability too."
And then the fight started.
______________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's perfect."
And then the fight started.
______________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning ... the start of a REALLY bad day! The
driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.
Thanks, greatQuote:
Originally Posted by nowoolies
Nice try, any more and you will be removed for goodQuote:
Originally Posted by billyroberts