A bloke walked in to the doctors with bacon and eggs on his head. He says doc, it`s about my brother.
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A bloke walked in to the doctors with bacon and eggs on his head. He says doc, it`s about my brother.
I was on the last train home last night and the carriage was empty except for me and this sexy brunette sitting opposite.
I'd had a few drinks and was feeling a bit confident so I gave her a wink and a smile. She winked back and gave a little giggle.
Knowing that I was well in, I leant forwards and gently ran my finger up her leg. She gave me a look of shock, but didn't protest.
I caressed her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. She furrowed her brow but still no complaint.
With that my desire took over. I dived into the vacant seat next to her and grabbed one of her breasts and pulled it out. She squealed as I licked it all over and gave it a cheeky nibble.
Then I slowly sat back down in my seat and we exchanged stares. After a minute of silence she looked at me, with a little tear in her eye and said,
"You prick you've ruined my effin KFC."
Reminds me of the joke of a flasher who exposed him self to three old ladies on a park bench. Two had a stroke and the other one couldn`t reached.Quote:
Originally Posted by TPC
A white horse walks in to a pub and orders a drink. The bar maid says ` We have a drink named after you`. It says ` What, Eric?`.
Have you been going thru Clunks bin ?Quote:
Originally Posted by Bush Ranger
Sure have, so you know where I bin.Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
bargain at half the price that is bachgen
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...2017/08/24.jpg
What we all need after some bum fudge.
Little Susie goes out to the shed where her father is. `Dad` she says, `what`s sex`?
He thought she`s a bit young to be asking this, but thought he be honest and tell her.
He told her all about the birds and the bees story for about half an hour.
Her eyes grew wider every minute and dad asks her why she wants to know.
`Well` she says `mum told me to tell you that dinner will be ready in a couple of secs`.
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
“Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
“You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
“Eat, sleep, play, and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
BBC News: An Indian builder has fallen through a roof at a Lionel Richie concert, a spokesman said "The last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling."
I thought you gave that joke book to bushranger ?Quote:
Originally Posted by Clunk
I only let him borrow it for a short whileQuote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
Well don't let him borrow it anymore for shits sake , bad enough you've got it .Quote:
Originally Posted by Clunk
Talking of shits sake, I can`t dance for shit, but I will for money.
Clunk tells me that's not all you will do for money !Quote:
Originally Posted by Bush Ranger
You bet, wanna find out?Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
Ok , I'll give you 50 cents to wash the GQ .
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
So you are not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bush Ranger
Talk about jokes , check this out .
https://mr4x4.com.au/electric-bollin...sletter+%23183
seen a pic of it on fb this morning,looks like a beer carton
An electric only car to use around town would be fine but not much good having a 4WD with a maximum range of 320Km followed by 12Hr charge.Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
Yeah a useless piece of shit for out of town use .Quote:
Originally Posted by TPC
Isnt that whay solar panels are for..... Fit some cycling pedals inside for the passengers to charge up a dynamo and do some work for a change.... All sorted ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by TPC
So you're buying one then are you ?Quote:
Originally Posted by Clunk
Eezy peezy. Just run a big genset all night long, also means you can have an electric heater in the tent. Bonus!Quote:
Originally Posted by TPC
Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
I'm actually wondering what sort of range you'd get loaded up with all the extras we carry these days .
Yea, I love the sound of generators when camping. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Winnie
With the gear my wife makes me pack we would not make it off our street.Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
No different to your snoring and fartingQuote:
Originally Posted by TPC
I am not saying that isn't true but how would you know?Quote:
Originally Posted by Clunk
Read it on the forumQuote:
Originally Posted by TPC
Couldn't say, I haven't read the article yet ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by GQtdauto
Police arrested two kids yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid,
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off.********* *
Give me twenty bucks and find out.Quote:
Originally Posted by TPC
At the last Olympics, a young reporter went behind the scenes to get an interview. He saw a man carrying a vaulting pole and asked, " Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No," the man replied in a heavy accent, "I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.
One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream.
He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."