Yes Officer, I DID see the speed limit sign, but I DIDNT see YOU.
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Yes Officer, I DID see the speed limit sign, but I DIDNT see YOU.
Jenny Craig for Men
A Bloke calls the company and orders their 5 day – 5 kgs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe from J.C. dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
The sign reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few kilometers later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kgs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5 day – 10 kgs program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 kgs, as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day – 25 kgs program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 31 kgs that week. .. ..
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd really like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
Lets see UHF, VHF, Satnav, maps, phone epirb, OK ready to go to Ikea.
Attachment 62381
Oh shit!
Attachment 62382
Surely there is a flux capacitor in there as wellQuote:
Originally Posted by 4bye4
quiz: are you male or female?
not sure??
(have a look further down to find out)
not in this post you dopey bugger
Wtf.............
Attachment 62473
.............
Attachment 62705
A baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down."
The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead. "How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"
worst bullbar ever
Dare you to say that west of toowoomba , reckon evey property owner has one , see more of them than any other , TUFF bars, made in toowoomba all alloy and what ever you hit stays hit !Quote:
Originally Posted by threedogs
Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk
the old B&S 5 poster for sure things will stay hit
there is enough alloy to get a small asia country out of debt
...............
Attachment 63349
Aha, cos that's what their made for. http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...015/12/118.jpg
I warn you next pic can be cause of eye bleedingQuote:
Originally Posted by MEGOMONSTER
Attachment 63499
Attachment 63500
Attachment 63501
I keep this photo long time for my returning to forum!
The Patrol on duty in USSR Road Police.
Attachment 63502
If it's interesting, I can post other non Soviet cars on duties.
Saw this on faceache before. Patrol at Costco carpark, stuck (apparently) hard to tell by the photo. Going by the posters description, the bloke tried to shortcut it and got bogged... It's a Patrol ute.
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...id=63509&stc=1
Ha-ha! What a dick head!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hodge
Sent from my E6782 using Tapatalk
Caterpillar's day
Attachment 63510
Attachment 63511
Hey Andy why COUBs isn't works on forum? Just for fun.
This one will be nice for our theme http://coub.com/view/a0xpv or https://coub.com/view/aho2
And tis one great at all http://coub.com/view/6t5ph or this http://coub.com/view/8cnm8
Cool! I want the blue one but with the green ones Gun!!
Sent from my iPhone using My thumbs
Looks like supersonic
Attachment 63824
Jumper
Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
People who look like things
.................
Attachment 64166
This could be the first navigation system for motor vehicles.
From around the early 1930s.
The Iter Avto, it used maps on paper rolls that would wind onto another roll.
The scroll rate was controlled by a cable connected to the speedo.
The negatives would be that there was no Points of Interests, Maybe you could draw them on.
No speed camera locations, or re-routes if you miss the turn.
Pretty good concept for its day.
I wonder how many parents bought one??
seems perfectly reasonable to me...... I'd by oneQuote:
Originally Posted by ova50
I can think of one deceased pop star that would have.
Here is the adult version, at least this one is strong enough to hold a horse (how did they know that ?)
It's camping with all the advantages of home. Might see if they are still in business.
:cheers:
I could do with some vim, vigour and vitalityQuote:
Originally Posted by ova50
I thought Vim was a powdered cleaner like Ajax.Quote:
Originally Posted by Clunk
Nah it's the Vim they put in VimtoQuote:
Originally Posted by ova50
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...016/01/256.jpg
Cos how else do I get the shopping home.
The secret ingredient is disclosed now!
Attachment 64276
Do you see the message?
Attachment 64353
The Missing Rancher
A rancher dies and leaves everything to his wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
“Now take off my boots.”
He did as she asked, ever so slowly..
“Now take off my socks.”
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
“Now take off my skirt.”
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
“Now take off my bra..”
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said,
“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”
and what you were thinking ?????
1. 1883, The first Wimbleton. (not many spectators)
2. 1923, Car racing on top of the Fiat factory.
3. 1928, The Fiat Rooftop race track. (this track was used in the original movie "The Italian Job")
4. 1928, Filming the roaring Lion for MGM studios.
5. 1946, USA detonates the first ever under water nuclear bomb. (code named Baker)
6. 1956, This is a 5 megabyte IBM hard drive being loaded onto a plane for transport.
7. 1963, A Navigation Call Centre. ( directions via the phone)
:cheers: