The Joke Thread

[12345]

lol^^^^
good jokes !
keeping

[NickBGU4]

The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
**
1. *Cheese**
Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.*

**
*2. *Mushroom**
*When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.*

**
3. *Shoulder**
My fren wants 2 become a citizen, but che didn't know how to read,*
So I, shoulder.*
***
4. ** Texas ***
When I'm not home, my fren always Texas me,*
Che wonders where I*am!*
***
5. *Herpes**
Me and my fren ordered pizza.**
I got mine piece,then che got herpes.*

**
*6. *July***
Ju told me ju were going to tha store, but ju went to see sum guy. July to me!* Julyer!*
***
7. *Rectum***
I had 2 cars, but my wife rectum!*
***
8. *Chicken***
I was going to go to the store with my wife*, but che said chicken go herself.*
***
9. *Wheelchair***
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair*
***
10. *Chicken* *wing**
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.*
***
11. *Harassment**
My wife caught me in bed with another women.*
I told her,* "Honey, harassment nothen to me.*
***
12. *Bishop***
My wife fell down the stair, so I had to pick the bishop.*

**
13. *Body wash***
I want to go to the club, but no body wash my kids.*
***
14. *Budweiser***
That women has a nice body,*Budweiser face so ugly?*

[NickBGU4]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,*'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered,*'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'* Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.*Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:*'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry:*'9.'*

Principal: 'What is6 x 6?'*

Harry:*'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.*
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,*'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'*
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,'Let me ask him some questions.'*
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks,*'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'*

Harry, after a moment:*'Legs.'

Ms Brooks:*'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'*

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!*

Harry replied:*'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks:*'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry:*'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks:*What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish
liquid?'*

Harry:*'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.*

Ms. Brooks:*'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'*

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,*'Bubble gum.'*

Ms. Brooks:*'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'*

Harry:*'Shake hands.'*

The principal was trembling..*

Ms. Brooks:*'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'*

Harry:*'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

[NickBGU4]

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a truck, with his hands at 10 to 2.
The nurse asks him, 'Kenny! What are you doing?'
Kenny replies, 'Can't talk right now I'm driving to Melbourne !' The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Kenny's room just as he stops driving his imaginary truck and she asks, 'Well Kenny, how was your trip?'
Kenny says, 'I'm exhausted, I just got into Melbourne and I need some rest.
That's great,' replied the nurse, 'I'm glad you had a safe trip.'
The nurse leaves Kenny's room, and then goes across the hall into another
patients' room and finds Davo sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.
Shocked, she shouts, 'Davo what are you doing!?' To which Davo replies,

'Shhh, I'm s h a g g i n g Kenny's wife while he's in*Melbourne '.

[NickBGU4]

What does a Muslim pus*sy look like????

[CoR]

lol. some good ones coming through!


ITALIAN PREGNANCY


An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

'You try again.' and the mom fainted..

[Woof]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocks on the door.
When the madam came to answer it, she saw this little boy and asked what he wanted. He said he wanted to have sex with one of the women inside, had the money to buy it, and wasn’t leaving until he got it. The madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.

Once he got in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked her if any of the girls had any diseases, and of course the madam said no. But he said he’d heard that all the men were having to go to the hospital and get shots after making love with Mable, and THAT was the girl he wanted. Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the madam told him to go upstairs and go to the first room on the right. So he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back down, still dragging the frog, paid the madam, and headed out the door, at which time the madam stopped him and asked him just why he picked the only girl she had in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others.

He said: “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me with a baby-sitter. When they leave, I’m going to have sex with my baby-sitter, who happens to be very fond of cute little boys, and then she will get the disease that I just caught. When mom and dad get back, dad will take the baby-sitter home, and on the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitters bones, and he’ll catch the disease. Then when dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and mom will go to bad and they’ll have sex, and mom will catch it. In the morning when dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, and he’ll have a quickie with mom, and he’ll catch it and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG.

[Woof]

[NickBGU4]

Thanks for the laugh Doggie, just glad I wasn't drinking a cuppa when I read them...

[AB]

Love the cat carrier mate!!!