Random joke and interesting pics

[Wine_maker]

eau de toilette

9461135.jpg

New avatars for someone

FB_IMG_1488257662839.jpg

FB_IMG_1490102135351.jpg

[TPC]

The Mexicans must really love Trump, they even have him on their toilet paper.

Trump Toilet Paper.JPG

[Clunk]

...........

[Clunk]

.............

[Bush Ranger]

I don`t fart, I say that my bum burped.

[VK2FMIA]

I Need a Vacation

https://youtu.be/-gE-HCN3_9E

[4bye4]

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make so I found the number and dialled it. A man’s voice answered 'Hello.' I asked if the person I wanted was home, only to be told “get the right bloody number” and was hung up on. I checked the number and found that I had indeed called the incorrect number. After calling the correct number, I decided to call the “wrong” number again. When the guy answered I said “your an arsehole” and hung up.
Every couple of weeks I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

One day I was at the store when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but he just called me an arsehole. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
Now, whenever I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said yes and gave me his name, Don, and his address.
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' and he said 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, ‘Don, can I tell you something?' and when he said yes I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up.

Then I called asshole #1 again. He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Cairns North.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Cairns North .
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

[Bush Ranger]

I called a new weight lost company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens. On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost
10 lbs as promised.
I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, I'm out the door after her like a
shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually
getting in better shape. Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh
myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.

I lost 63 pounds that week.

[the evil twin]

So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.

I lost 63 pounds that week.

Imagine how much more weight you would have lost if you were faster than him....

[Bush Ranger]

As long as I didn`t get a black eye out of it. I`m not going to explain that answer.