Rli hospital sit-rep!

Well, fark me swinging lounge lizards !

Currently I am high as kite on the pain relieve medication, ye-haaaaa babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

The operation went fine on Monday, after three hours of surgery the dreaded Threedogs (Shit-bag is finally removed! lol)

Anyhow folks, i have already embarrassed the wife, sorry darling! Farkk it’s not my fault that i came out of the operation with an extremely large hard-on and then fell of my bed onto the hospital floor stark naked in the recovery room.

Gees, I do not know what all the fuss is about, I cannot remember a bloody-thing, apparently the nursing staff were pissing themselves laughing at my expense, where’s the dignity in that! Bloody nissannewbys fault.

Well the farken drama has already started (why me o’lord) after the op I have had difficulty with urinating, the bloody morphine as hindered in me having the ability to take a piss. One of my nurses (butch) read the riot act, Paul start pissing by 2.00 am or else, I piped up “what do you mean by or else” As quick as a farken flash, with the glint of pleasure in her eyes, she replied with a brutal grin “catheter insertion Paul”!

I am starting think like Get Smart, “not the dreaded catheter insertion Butch, it’s the farken ninth time I have had this done, gulp”

With two hours to go, I am not even looking like having a piss and what make this scenario worse, Butch knows this!

The best way to describe the situation lounge lizards is like two farken gunslingers preparing to shoot it out, in one corner Butch with two six guns strapped to her hip, drawing her guns and twirling them around her fingers farken extremely cocky and in the other corner me armed with a knackered shanghai and with no stones to fire! In other words I am farked!

As sure as shit, 2.00 am arrives and not a piss in sight, Butch armed and ready proceeded with delight by slamming into the poor old “Wang” the 2 foot nylon catheter, I swear if Butch could have had her way she would have wrapped around course sand-paper around the catheter before insertion. lol

I did my best Homer Simpson voice during insertion “doh”

Today whilst walking around the ward, I noticed three other Trendsetter’s carry there catheter bags, suddenly I am thinking to myself, I wonder if they were notches on Butch’s belt too, then low and behold out of left field there she was "Butch" about to commence afternoon shift, she causally looked over towards the four of us, I then knew in an instance, yep they certainly were.

PS, time to go for a nap!

Regards,

RLI
:1087:

Farkin love it Paul. Thankfully, you;re high as a kite as the catheter insertion without pain relief ain't no fun!

Keep the sense of humour mate and I'm sure you'll win out! And let's face it... now you can pee to your heart's content and not have to get outa bed! All the best mate.

BOOM BABY BOOM boy are you on cloud nine or what. Easy to see the meds working.
Look forward to your next thread lol

Ive said it before and I will say it again....You are one cunny funt!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahahha I just snorted and blew a number 11 outta me nose hahahahahaha

hahahahahahah geez you have a way with words. Hope BUTCH isn't a forum member!
If that's the same hospital Ally works at I can understand why she's embarrassed.

Good to hear you're up and about, take care mate.

lol how big is the pisser with a catheter stuck up it? good to hear things are going ok.

Obviously you are not high enough as your still moderating your own posts *L*

Glad 2 hear the operation went well :)

Already looking forward 2 the next hospital story :)

What I want to know is how newby managed to give you a hard-on lol

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Originally Posted by megatexture

What I want to know is how newby managed to give you a hard-on lol

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He always speaks very highly of Mat :biggrin:

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Originally Posted by megatexture

What I want to know is how newby managed to give you a hard-on lol

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Its his mechanical ability to make the troll purr. lol

PS, talk about leading with my chin with you folks. lol

Regards,

Paul

is there going to be a test on this lol

You should've haggled with Butch for a few extra hours grace. Using something like fitting a bigger intercooler to the cruiser I'm sure she drives.:)

I bet her ass cheeks swallow a Harley seat every day for the ride home lol

You sure she didn't slip a bung in when you had a hard on and fell over. I reckon its a setup. She just loves handling your 'wang'

Glad your chirpy mate keep up the good work

remember pay back is a butch

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Originally Posted by Bloodyaussie

Ive said it before and I will say it again....You are one cunny funt!!!!!!!!!!!

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G'day mate,

My darling daughter Maddie keeps asking me to ask you about Alfie, the shock of that bastard dog attacking Alfie shook her up, Maddie has a small little Maltese Shih Tzu dog (Lucy) and with Maddie suffering from mild Autism, things like the attack on your dog is a constant talking point.

PS, could you please send a reply to her explaining Alfie is OK. Thanks mate!

Regards,

Paul

Glad the op was successful mate, well done!!!

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Originally Posted by megatexture

What I want to know is how newby managed to give you a hard-on lol

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It's all that dirty sooty diesel talk that revved you up....lol

Don't know you from a bar of soap RLI but all the best.

Been thru the catheter thing a couple of time now and from my limited experience the best is yet to come........ when a nurse you have never met prior to the event turns up to take it out!

Happened to me last time and I knocked her back until after we had been properly introduced and she shook my hand first. Thought that was fair and I figured it was time to regain some little bit of dignity; lost most if not all of it earlier that visit.

Good luck with the recovery, enjoy the drip and the good stuff while you can. My surgeon turned mine off pretty damn quick IMHO.

Cheers
Chimo

Ahh good to see the nurses followed through :p. wait until Thursday ;) lol. Glad to see your around Paul And
I sincerely hope all is well and look forward to catching up soon mate. The cape won't know what hit it
Come 2015 yeehaaa

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Originally Posted by nissannewby

Ahh good to see the nurses followed through :p. wait until Thursday ;) lol. Glad to see your around Paul And
I sincerely hope all is well and look forward to catching up soon mate. The cape won't know what hit it
Come 2015 yeehaaa

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G'day Mat,

Fingers crossed, i hope the both of us are on this 2015 trip mate!

PS, Anytime both yourself and Sheree want a FREE holiday down here in Coffs you know the both of you have a place to stay mate!

Regards,

Paul & Ally and family

Farkkk, Butch has just told me lights out and time to go bedie buys. lol

See you all in the shit-soup called life. lol

Regards,

RLI

Nurses, hard ons, strap ons.......doesn't this forum get moderated anymore? :) :)

Bloody funny stuff mate.
I know how ya feel about the old pitched tent. Happened to me when I was early teens..

Anywho.. Fingers crossed its onwards and upwards mate.
And don't worry about butch.. She'll be Off soon..

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Originally Posted by Westy's Accessories

Bloody funny stuff mate.
I know how ya feel about the old pitched tent. Happened to me when I was early teens..

Anywho.. Fingers crossed its onwards and upwards mate.
And don't worry about butch.. She'll be Off soon..

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I think it's the upwards that got him in this mess in the first place lol

I hope your giving her hell mate.

have you got a room next to a window? start walking around in the buff muttering to yourself and anytime someone comes near you just bend over infront of them and pretend your dog has rocked up for a pat..

gotta have some fun in the hospital and not take it tooo seriously

good luck mate

What a fantastic way with words, keep those stories coming mate.......... All the best with a speedy recovery.

Good to hear the op went well hope the rest of your stay is as butchless as possible mate.


Sent from my iPhone using Motorculture mobile app

“Laughter is the best medicine
and it’s available even if
you don’t have health insurance.”

~ Robert Swiatek

Hope it all goes well Mate

Paul is a bit quiet today, Butch must have read his posts.

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Originally Posted by Apollofish

Paul is a bit quiet today, Butch must have read his posts.

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either that or she has given him a suppository :) and really enjoyed herself.

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Originally Posted by Apollofish

Paul is a bit quiet today, Butch must have read his posts.

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either that or he's doing what 93patrol suggested and walking around his room in the buff, patting an imaginary dog!!

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Originally Posted by Stropp

either that or she has given him a suppository :) and really enjoyed herself.

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Only as much as he enjoyed it, hahaha.

I think the General is wearing off and he's left with pressing the button.
Either way he'll be in a happy place LOL

I heard the Mrs RLI wasn't embarrassed about you at attention, it was more like "what have you been hiding all these years" ;) :) :P

I swear it must be mandatory to have at least one Butch on staff, when they have that little smile or glint in their eye you know youre in trouble. Anyway good to hear your out and about .... hehehehe time to put wang back in I reckon :)

That button can be a little like a teaser ram ..........

too many people keen to limit the fun!

All the best, and get recovery as fast as you can!