What do you do when your mate is doing it tough?

I have a good friend who is doing it tough....Seriously tough.

Went out on his own a few years ago and can't keep up with his finances. wife and kid. Not that a lot of us a living the life but a lot worse then most of us!

Like most of us he is a proud person and doesn't want charity. Their house is freezing with no heating and I want to bring a trailer of wood down but that will piss him off I'm sure.

I texted him saying to come up anytime for wood and grab whatever. He said thanks and he will come up this weekend hopefully....Obviously I will spend a day splitting it for him if he shows up.

He has a suburban block and I have enough wood to throw a stick at...LMAO...Get it...Throw a stick at....Anyways...

This is a go nowhere post but any ideas on how to help a good mate out who is struggling to make ends meet in a bad way who is stubborn like me and a proud person like most of us and doesn't want charity??? Any sneaky ideas or suggestions???

better to be warm and p1ssed off than cold and p1ssed off, esp the kid.

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Originally Posted by Silver

better to be warm and p1ssed off than cold and p1ssed off, esp the kid.

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I'm thinking of rocking up there when they are not home and dumping some split wood. The house has no insulation in the walls and only that stupid government grant rebate roof bats which burnt half of Melbourne's homes down. It's a seriously cold home. Like an esky!

He'll know It's me and he'll be pissed but warm like you said!

Tell him the wood is not for him cause he is a stubborn b!stard, the wood is for the wife and kid

Whats he do? you could recommend his services to others help him pull in business etc

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Originally Posted by AB

I have a good friend who is doing it tough....Seriously tough.

Went out on his own a few years ago and can't keep up with his finances. wife and kid. Not that a lot of us a living the life but a lot worse then most of us!

Like most of us he is a proud person and doesn't want charity. Their house is freezing with no heating and I want to bring a trailer of wood down but that will piss him off I'm sure.

I texted him saying to come up anytime for wood and grab whatever. He said thanks and he will come up this weekend hopefully....Obviously I will spend a day splitting it for him if he shows up.

He has a suburban block and I have enough wood to throw a stick at...LMAO...Get it...Throw a stick at....Anyways...

This is a go nowhere post but any ideas on how to help a good mate out who is struggling to make ends meet in a bad way who is stubborn like me and a proud person like most of us and doesn't want charity??? Any sneaky ideas or suggestions???

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Couple of things mate.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here mate.

Wood, yes you can warm him up for a while but it will not help him long term. Like the old story "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime"

Do you know why he is struggling, this is the first thing you need to find out.

ex. his job is not paying enough. Help to find him a better career or help him to better his buisness

Hard to write all this but there is a way mate and it wont be to hard to help him out, just need to look at why he is struggling and then help but from a bigger picture prospective.

Hope this makes sense.

You have good values Andy, and I'm sorry your mate is having a hard time, but forget him, he's obviously a loser!!'
Just Kidd'n mate, Just go and cut a trailer load, take it there and tip it off, even stack it in the shed, take a bag of spuds and a few vege's while yer at it.
He is obviously a good friend, they are hard to come by, if he's home when you get there and stacks on a show, just say" I love you mate" no sweat.
That's the Aussie way.
There are people in this world who can't make things work, no matter how hard they try, THAT, is what friends are for.
You are HIS friend and if you had fallen on hard times as sometimes we do, he would do the same and you would probably say "don't need your charity" but you do.
Cheers, Rod.

Personal story here........

It's harder to receive than give.

True story for many of us. Think about it.

Many many years ago, my wife, our 4 young kids and me, went through a really hard time. One day, our church pastor arrived on our doorstep with a food parcel.

I should have been glad and thankful, but I was devastated. I felt so low that I could have crawled under a pregnant ant. Words fail me on how I initially felt.

I never told anybody we were going through a hard time - but my pastor knew!

From that experience I learnt that it is a good thing to receive, and that I didn't have to keep giving and giving and giving.

It was a very humbling experience indeed and I'll never forget it. Something happened inside me that broke my pride - in a healthy way.

I don't have any issues now with receiving or accepting.

I hope my true story helps at least one person or one family.

Take care out there.

Rossco

I’d just dump a load there and tell him you were as stubborn as him and didn’t listen that he said he didn’t want it . though you could say if he’s not wanting hand outs tell him to mow your lawn to repay you haha and your both happy!

Agree with the others mate, there's probably been a time in most of our lives where a little help was required. Im a stubborn buggah too that has had to learn to accept that I can't always do everything myself . Just drop a load down to him mate and if he arks up just tell him next lot he chops himself

You could always just dump the cut wood at his place and tell him if he didn't want it, you'd pick it up in 3 weeks time. lol

AB,
I have read some the replis above and nodded yes whilst I read on.

I too was going to suggest some fresh veges and eggs as Rod did.

I had a similar event to Rosscoe. Mine was only two months ago, some friend were helping us do soe financial planning of budget, taxes, super etc. When it became apparent to them how little we had for groceries weekly. When about4 days later Dia walked out to mail box to finda couple of bags of veges hanging off it. There were some onions, sweet potato, carrot, swede, and some fruit. Only small amounts, but still a hell of a humbling surprise.We were eliminating who might have done this, family or friends. When we realised t had to be 1 of the ones helping us ith our finances.

We felt a little embarressed and sad. But we came round to realise that was not the intention of our friend, he wanted us to know he cared.We then felt humbled and knew we really did have friends that cared.

So I guess I am saing that is how yur mate will end up seeing it I'm Sure.


Tim

Thanks guys, I know what to do now...

His business is garden and home maintenance. It's hard these days when large franchises like Jim's Mowing can mow your bloody lawn for like $25. I don't know how those blokes even make any money by mowing a large lawn for $25...lol

I'll have to read these replies in more detail tomorrow.....Eyes are getting foggy....LMAO

Smack the prick in the mouth, tell him to smarten up, and give him some wood WHILST sitting down with him over a beer and talking through his issues.

I've been assisting someone (not going to say who because they read this forum) on and off for about 7-8 months now, and quite frankly he was just too busy wallowing in the sadness of the situation to actually think about doing something about it ... long story short, just like a bloke who's drowning, you stick your f:cking hand in the water and pull them out - if they wanted to die, stiff sh!t ... the world is a better place with them in it and as per your situation, others are involved and quite frankly, it's just plain selfish on their part.

This person is back on their feet, know they have a mate who'll make the right decisions when they can't, and fully recognises the hole they were once in.

He's a mate of yours, so helping him sometimes means hurting him in his mind even when you know you're doing the RIGHT thing. Responsibility (especially with kids involved) comes before pride ...

Someone had to say it boss ... sorry it was me, but that's the sad truth - I pray I have done enough right in my life to have mates good enough to do the same to and for me if I ever hit rock bottom ... you are one of those mates for this lad by the sounds of it, so do the right thing ... simple as that.

damn i was so close when i said to get him to mow your lawn haha

Mate of mine was the same, had a stroke and couldn't work for a long time as he worked for himself and had recently split with his misses so had nothing to fall back on, a few of us got together and went around for a BBQ and while we were there cleaned up, cut up a couple of trees that had fallen over ( made good firewood) and a couple of other things, then instead of doing the BBQ we took him to the pub for dinner and drinks and " forgot" to take all the BBQ meat when we left. Sometimes it's the only way to keep the pride in check! Anyway hope things work out for your mate and hope you can give without his pride getting in the way!

When all is said and done, who else is there when you are in the shit? If you have mates and I mean real mates, they will be there, regardless if you want them there or not.
Cheers, the ferret

After reading all the 'advice', I'm humbled! I nearly turned on the waterworks, too.

Sounds like your mate needs some help with business strategies. I'm guessing that winter time slows down a bit, so he may need to work smarter.
I know our lawn doesn't like growing in winter - less work for me.

I say this with all due respect..........at some stage/s in our life we all need help from somebody, and help from a mate is something special.
Please don't let your volunteering become an expectation - you'll eventually burn out.

There's lots of professional help out there, so he may need your encouragement to take the first steps towards getting it.

Take care out there.

Rossco

Great comments everyone, thank you!

Yeah It's an unfortunate line of work come winter it just dies!

Anyone around Melbourne area(I assume) need any gardening work done or know anyone who needs work done?
This situation is similar in Canberra, gardening work dies but the wood supply work just goes off as lots and lots of people have fireplaces. All he needs is a chainsaw and a wood supply. :)

Its ganna be a good day today

Yeah mate if he had a wood supply that would be great for winter!

Problem is that local government's have closed off all these areas. Now the forests are like bushfire death traps. I better not head down that path...LMAO

That would be a great idea though mate to keep busy!!!

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Originally Posted by AB

Yeah mate if he had a wood supply that would be great for winter!

Problem is that local government's have closed off all these areas. Now the forests are like bushfire death traps. I better not head down that path...LMAO

That would be a great idea though mate to keep busy!!!

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Yeah out here you have to go out west to get it and need a licence. a mate of mine rakes it in doing aouut 4 tonne a day. He's doing it cheap at $200 a tonne

spiders don't bother me too much but I don't like cuddling an armful of just cut firewood at the rello's farms when they go gathering same to keep us soft Northerners warm. Too much wildlife under the bark and in the nooks and crannies.

Uncle and cousins just seem to ignore them, and are ignored in return, so far as I know, no-one has been bitten.......... yet :-)

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Originally Posted by DX grunt

Personal story here........

It's harder to receive than give.

True story for many of us. Think about it.

Many many years ago, my wife, our 4 young kids and me, went through a really hard time. One day, our church pastor arrived on our doorstep with a food parcel.

I should have been glad and thankful, but I was devastated. I felt so low that I could have crawled under a pregnant ant. Words fail me on how I initially felt.

I never told anybody we were going through a hard time - but my pastor knew!

From that experience I learnt that it is a good thing to receive, and that I didn't have to keep giving and giving and giving.

It was a very humbling experience indeed and I'll never forget it. Something happened inside me that broke my pride - in a healthy way.

I don't have any issues now with receiving or accepting.


Take care out there.

Rossco

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Have to totally agree with ya rosco
Its deffinately an ol skool up bringing thing
Young generation (and not all here) expect things on a silver platter
Ill help anyone out however i can, even give em my last $,but dont return the favour or remember those who helped when your down,ive memory of an elephant , never forget

AB,
Drop the wood of,do the right thing,bugger what he says
Its when ol mate gets on his feet, and forgets who you are, thats when you walk away

ab have a look at this firewood.asn.au this might help to get him started

How long has he been gardening for??

You know thats what I do but I have been doing it for years and have large contracts so can weather the slow times better than most gardeners.

Jims actually charge like a wounded bull. It is mostly the guys that have come out of nowhere and are not properly insured that do jobs for next to nothing.

He needs to try hard and get some factory garden work as these places pay well, I dropped off 3 factories this year as I want to slow down.

If he can hold out for a couple of more months the work will increase.....????

I went through 5 guys last year and they were all so stupid it was not funny, if at least one had worked out I would have grown the bussiness even more but after the last guy who sprayed $500 worth of plants with roundup I said enough is enough and it is just me.

Hope it works out for him and will keep him in mind when spring comes round.

AB invite him and his family around for a BBQ and a few beers and then take him for a walk, just the 2 of you and just speak to him as the friend he is, I am sure that he will come around mate.

As a person who had a bad run myself, and have always been very proud, I found it extremely difficult to ask for help. A few of my mates would get me do the work that they didnt want to do... Paint the walls of the shed, split their fire wood, rotate the wheels on their cars etc, etc, all the while playing dumb and saying that they couldn't do it coz they were too useless. Gave me a bit of self esteem to help out a mate who "could't" do it. It always ended in a few beers & a BBQ, or a load of wood for myself, or a couple of bucks to pay for the bus back home... they always dropped me back and there was a green note in the envelope. Maybe get your mate to help you out with the splitting the wood, and as a thank you, feed him a few beers, BBQ, and treat him to a trailer of the firewood that he has just split and stacked WITH YOU

I had one wealthy mate that was about as blunt as the back end of the axe, He would come over at least once a month, with a couple of cases of beer, a ctn of smokes, and enough meat to last me the month if I was being careful with my dinners. He would tell me that If he decided to come over for a BBQ, he dint want to cook or have to get the beer out of the fridge as that was "my job as he paid for all the grub!" we would have a few coldies and a couple of smokes, and then he would pat me on the back and say all is going to pan out, and we would go to his place for dinner. This went on for nearly 12 months. and if it wasnt for my mates forcing me to accept their help I dunno if I would have been able to make it through.

That is a tuff question, in all honesty I dont know how I could help a mate in that position. Im not even sure I would know they were having trouble, not something I have ever realy talked about with my mates.
Could maybe try and get them to open up on what the issue was with the business over a few beers, maybe time to pack it up and do something different for a while?

But in your possition I would definetly invite myself over for a visit and just happen to have a trailer load of wood I needed to rid of attached to the car :)

he could expand his buisness to include exterior house cleaning, windows, driveways the outlay would be jack all all you would need is a high presure cleaner. there must be something that needs doing in winter that he can branch out into or just get another part time job.

Thanks again guys, some good stories there and good to see the mateship still around.

Well I chopped a shipload of wood yesterday including some good hardwood I had saved for a rainy day.

Just remembered I dont have a bloody trailer at the moment....LMAO...My neighbour has a 6x4 so I'll see if he rings today otherwise I'm going down there!!!

He's only been doing this for about 5 years and mostly domestic. Has a few small contracts with local tennis court and cemetery but I really don't know much else about his business.

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Originally Posted by Chris79

That is a tuff question, in all honesty I dont know how I could help a mate in that position. Im not even sure I would know they were having trouble, not something I have ever realy talked about with my mates.

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This is true, us fellas are a stubern bunch,we never hardly talk in depth with our mates,its all about cars and grog, never the real life issues
My best mate who ive known for well over 20 years wanted to end it all, and rang me as a " see ya mate ", we talked on the phone for hours and i stopped it from happening,as ive been in the same boat and a decent shoulder to lean on an ear to listen is all us stuburn bastards need
Im over all this male depression,speak up,nothin in life no matter how bad or ruff is worth ending it all.......

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Originally Posted by megatexture

he could expand his buisness to include exterior house cleaning, windows, driveways the outlay would be jack all all you would need is a high presure cleaner. there must be something that needs doing in winter that he can branch out into or just get another part time job.

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Gutters, Mulching, Hi pressure cleaning. The rain over flows the gutters coz they are blocked, the rains makes the already slightly moss'y paths extra slippery, and mulch will make the customer gardens look a million bucks. All of these things will add to the word of mouth advertising, that will help grow his business. What works in summer as an independent landscaper/mower man doesnt work in winter! Have a plan that basically splits the year into quarters, The hotter months is basically trying to survive the heat and mow the lawns, with a bit of gardening, as things cool down, start into the mowing, mulching Gutters & Pruning, when in the wet times, pressure cleaning and mow when possible, as things start to warm up again... gutters again as the rains have filled them again, mulching as the rains washed a lot away and mowing... and so starts the cycle again... try to survive the summer heat! Wont take too much time to grow his business into something successful and profitable.