hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaha haha Ah Bob!! hahahahhahahaha so true!! hahahahahaha
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hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaha haha Ah Bob!! hahahahhahahaha so true!! hahahahahaha
Now how did we all know you would be the one...................................LMFAOQuote:
Originally Posted by snicko
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Every one to their own!!
Religious husband
A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH; HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED "DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC"?
THE HUSBAND SAID, "NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND OUR SORROWS!"
Speeding Ferrari Husband - A Senior Citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new FERRARI red convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160 kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the F3, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180 kph, then 190, then 200kph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this sort of nonsense!". So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the FERRARI, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a real good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard of before, I'll let you go."
The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir!" said the policeman ... with a salute.
POKER PLAYING HUSBANDS
It was poker night for a band of husbands, and Paddy, Jack, Jim and Jake gathered in the shed of Jim's garden.
The games were exciting and with the numerous salutations whilst downing their many glasses of whisky, more than four bottles, the evening progressed well, when suddenly Jake clutched at his chest, gave a loud shout and fell to the floor ... DEAD!!!
The other three tried to revive him, but to no avail.
"Now who be the one to be telling Jake's wife of this?" said Jim.
"Let's draw lots. The one who draws the shortest straw, he be the one," said Jack.
The shortest straw was drawn by Paddy.
"Well, Paddy, you be the one, do it gently, old chum, do it gently ..." they all said.
Deep in thought, Paddy trudged slowly into the night with a strong wind blowing against him, and reached Jake's house. He knocked on the door and Jake's wife opened it.
"What be it now!?" she said angrily, knowing what they had been up to that night, and with Paddy smelling highly of many a glass of whisky.
"Well, I cannot be lying to you, missus," said Paddy, meekly, "but we had been having a great time at our poker game. But Jake will not now be able to face you and to be telling you that he lost a lot of money tonight, missus, a lot of it ..... and it be more than a thousand pounds ..."
"What!!!??" shouted out the missus, more angrily. "Now you just go and you be telling that no good Jake that I be saying to him to go and DROP DEAD!!!"
What a coincidence for an answer like that, hohohohohoho!
This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water. "That's ridiculous! " he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it,you know. "That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board. "
a vacationing penguin is driving up to the Cape when he notices that the oil-pressure light was on (must be a toyota!). He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the mechanic to get the car looked at. While hes waiting, the penguin goes into the store and sees some icecream, and being a penguin in north QLD, decides that something cold would be nice. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mees of trying to eat with his little flippers and beak. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the mechanic and asks if he has found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says 'it looks like you blew a seal' 'no, no' the penguin replies quickly, 'its just ice cream'.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.'
The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, ! 'You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'F...k
it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat
belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off
when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back
pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat
belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut the f..k up?
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?'
I love this part.... :
'Only when he's p!55ed.'
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."
One New Zealander says to another:
"hey bro, what's a Hindu?"
The second New Zealander replies:
"lays eggs bro"