Yes Officer, I DID see the speed limit sign, but I DIDNT see YOU.
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Yes Officer, I DID see the speed limit sign, but I DIDNT see YOU.
Jenny Craig for Men
A Bloke calls the company and orders their 5 day – 5 kgs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe from J.C. dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
The sign reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few kilometers later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kgs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5 day – 10 kgs program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 kgs, as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day – 25 kgs program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 31 kgs that week. .. ..
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd really like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
Lets see UHF, VHF, Satnav, maps, phone epirb, OK ready to go to Ikea.
Attachment 62381
Oh shit!
Attachment 62382
Surely there is a flux capacitor in there as wellQuote:
Originally Posted by 4bye4
quiz: are you male or female?
not sure??
(have a look further down to find out)
not in this post you dopey bugger
Wtf.............
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A baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down."
The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead. "How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"