Yeah. We're stalling ya count. Can't have u being the only gossiper on the forum. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by patch697
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Yeah. We're stalling ya count. Can't have u being the only gossiper on the forum. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by patch697
Second to you mate.........lolololololololQuote:
Originally Posted by DX grunt
LOLOL ....... Don't think your out of the woods here Plassy your included in this to.......lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Plasnart
Stolen from my Club site, posted by Big Col
Traditional Maori Ceremony
Wiremu, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the tavern on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Wiremu's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Rangi, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Wiremu, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned! Rangi, just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Wiremu, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Wiremu's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in August, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in December, you idiot.............."
I'm laughing internally for this one!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dogman
OK Ross, try this one.
WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Lodza Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
8/10. lol
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL............... I can tell my Mum that one..... Very good
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
1. 40-ish = 49
2. Adventurous = Slept with everyone
3. Athletic = No tits
4. Average looking = Ugly
5. Beautiful = Pathological liar
6. Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
7. Emotionally Secure = On medication
8. Feminist = Fat
9. Free spirit = Junkie
10. Friendship first = Former slut
11. Fun = Annoying
12. New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places
13. Old-fashioned = No BJs
14. Open-minded = Desperate
15. Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
16. Passionate = Sloppy drunk
17. Professional = Bitch
18. Voluptuous = Very Fat
19. Large frame = Hugely Fat
20. Wants Soul Mate = Stalker
(additional language assists, if needed) :
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay