Well it is Movember. Not a bad length inside 4 weeks! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Bush Ranger
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Well it is Movember. Not a bad length inside 4 weeks! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Bush Ranger
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the @$$hole is usually in charge.
This joke's on me. lol.
My wife and I were standing in the kitchen this morning when I said: "Give me a cuddle."
As her hand passed across my bare chest, her engagement ring got caught and I got the best nipplecripple ever! PML
Take care out there.
Rossco
That'll teach ya not to wear the Lycra, mateyQuote:
Originally Posted by DX grunt
It wasn't funny at the time!Quote:
Originally Posted by the evil twin
@DXgrunt Must be an easier way to get a nipple ring piercing.
This is a picture my cousin took. You can't see it properly but that is a "No Standing" sign on the left (which is pointing to the right) and a "4P parking sign (that points to the left) with the other half of the sign as "No Standing" (pointing to the right).
A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home.
'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing...they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'
'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'
So his father sends the dog and $2,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'
'Dad', the boy says, 'I have some grim news.
Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'
'I sure did, Dad!'
'That's my boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer with Slater and Gordon lawyers.
Parking master 80 lvl
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How to build a tricycle? Just take a corolla and cut parts that you are don't need.
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More comedy Gold Alexander
...................
!@#$%^&*()_
Attachment 74221
Let's check your deduction! What happened here?
Attachment 74244
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".
One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely f@*k-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."
Look guy's what was here on my side a few nights ago. -56 Celcius
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaD7Z1oTYD4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8fIBZkZqjw
tire tube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u6Ge76xYKo
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/542094...in-kazakhstan/
I'm lucky enough, that I live in 1200 km from there. So, it's just -32 here in my city at night.
This cracked me up. It's about Kid's opinion of D. Trump.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYviM5xevC8
Probably not the best way to demo the 4WD capability.
Attachment 74307 Attachment 74308
Price drop on new model.
Parking master level 80 !
I think, that this wagon will be available with a good discount soon.
Piece of sh.. I mean black humor
Attachment 74357
Attachment 74358
All of these guys were born under the lucky star.
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Attachment 74368
This would apply equally to offroad as well.
Attachment 74369
Irony if I ever saw it.
Attachment 74433
Life of Subaru owner in sound: bu bu bu bu knock knock knock knock 1500$ bu bu bu bu bu
Attachment 74435 Attachment 74436
No comment
. . .http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...2018/02/94.jpg
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Just found this little old Mazda teetering on the high side of our block, must’ve been a good Saturday night! http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...018/02/108.jpg They should’ve followed the Patrol I says, lol :-) http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...018/02/109.jpg
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Woops. Sneaky back way home from the St Andrews pub perhaps ? ?
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Probably better suited in the locked thread.
Tools explained...
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
SKILL SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Cruiser handbrake strikes again [emoji1]Quote:
Originally Posted by 4bye4
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Local Moose strikes again, some poor bugger :-( !
http://www.nissanpatrol.com.au/forum...018/02/113.jpg
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Sambar are a big heavy animal and are writing off heaps of cars and 4bys these days ,or was that an escaped cow ?Quote:
Originally Posted by MB
Doe apparently mate, big gal though!
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Yeah saw that one, shes pretty buggered. Not far from where I hit one a while back in the work Ute, came out looking pretty similar was a bit scary. . .
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Scary indeed mate, at least he had some sort of steel protection I guess. What genuinely worries me these days is the amount of Toyota Yaris type drivers moving out here for a “Tree Change” flogging to and fro in the dark. Fair dinkum seen two buzz boxes now with LED lightbars zipping back to the city most days :-(
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Fark tell me about it. Got a sheila stuck fair up my arse in one of those things most mornings while I'm around here.Quote:
Originally Posted by MB
Saw the mess this morning but didn't see the car til I came back this arvo.
Big hit bloody hell.
Yep defiantly agree too. Melbourne is getting crazy and even early in the morning out this way there are cars on the road with everyone in a bloody rush like mad bastards . . .
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Thread gone off ‘Track’ my apologies.
We’ll never stop folks seeking a better lifestyle out here although local safety education appears to be heading the hard learnt way.
Best decision I felt made in the day when Mrs MB decided to join me out here was to flog off her Daewoo Lanos & Holden V8 ute float tug.
Consolidated their sold coin into a GU ‘Patrol’ deposit and never looked back!
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