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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water.
He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"
"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full...
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A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly
icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their
honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked
into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email
address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and
friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw
the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as
mine was.
P.S. F***ing hot down here!
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __
x men jean grey
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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop’s expense!!
Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
NP99
............?
there is a lady at our supermarket like that, with a personal hygiene problem to match
I gag every time she walks past aaarrrggghhhh
