The Joke Thread

A tough looking group of Harley Davidson bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man from Chicago , gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering sensual kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

New Centrelink Telephone Greeting:
Wouldn't it be amazing, if this caught on,
All over the country...?

'GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO "CENTRELINK" THE AUSTRALIAN SOCIAL SERVICES AND BENEFITS OFFICE'

"Press '1' if you speak English."
''Press ''2'' to disconnect until you can."
Have a nice day.

Why Men Should't Write Advice Columns

Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in teh house watching TV. My car stalled, and then broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in bed with the neighbour's daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they have been having an affair for the past 6 months. He won't go to counselling, and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you help please?
Sincerely, Sheila.

Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.
Regards, John.

NEVER TRUST AN OLD GUY

A Woman had a facelift for her 50th birthday
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?' 'About 32,' is the reply.
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and
asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself.
She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and
asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home,
she asks an old man waiting next to her
the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I was young,
there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you
to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you
EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street
until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse
and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast
and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together
and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says,
'Okay, okay...How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,
removes his hands, and says,
'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says,
'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says,
'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't,' she says.

'I was behind you in McDonalds'

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

_______________

Franchise Opportunity
__________________






A friend of mine just started his own business in Canada.

He manufactures land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing very well.

He says that prophets are going through the roof!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas
party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling,
He wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. Next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in
the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little
hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
'Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite
dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough there is hot breakfast,steaming hot
coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks,
'Son...what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the
coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye
when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried
to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!

A tourist traveling in America sees an Indian village and during the conversation that followed with the American Indian Chief, the tourist asked what the Chief's wife name was. The Chief replied "Five Horses". The tourist said that it seemed a strange name and asked what it meant.

The Chief replied"Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag".

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.

The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally. Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the Bathroom, *poof *!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof *!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.

'Ethel,' he says, 'George is fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof *! The light goes off?'

'OH MY GOD!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe..

We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to
hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

.
.
.
.
.
.
."You got MALE!"

Frank pops over to his mate johns place , knocks on the the door and johns girlfriend answers.."Oh hi frank, come in johns in the shower he'll be down soon .Frank sits down next to kate on the couch and says to her "Gee kate you have awesome boobs , i"ll give you $100 if you pop 1 out for me , she says Oh" frank i couldn't , please kate says frank "please" ." Allright then" , she pops 1 out . i'll give you another $100 if you show me the other ...nervous john might come down she quickly flops out the other one ..."wow just awesome he says, there the best..he gives her the money.. ..."look i better go now, tell john i was here .Moments later john comes down and kate says" you just missed frank he was here . Oh did he give you the $200 he owes me !

Three old codgers in the park,all over 80.
" hows it goin after the prostate op Tom"
Tom " Better now, I just stand there for about half a minute and it all happens, every morning, a lot better than it was, how bout you Fred?"
Fred " Nah, gotta see the Doc, I stand there fer half an hour, y'know dribble dribble, gett'n bad, What about you jack?"
Jack " Not a worry, fer a bloke my age, 6 oclock every morning one big long slash, followed by a huge crap.
Fred " Gee and your 84, not bad eh?
Jack " yeah, only trouble is, (scroll down)













''I don't wake up till 7".

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Free medical for all

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, " Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the ATO
office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with
his attorney.

The auditor said, Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment,
which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that
believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney
as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks, 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one
side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this
old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make
the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about
it!'


Don't Mess with Old People!!

There's a lot to be said about marital bliss...
A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.

The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home." They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."
Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!

New Sex Study..

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns"
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know"
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a check-up.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

I apologise for this in advance but at least it is short and sweet!


A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre... so he gave her one!

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied,

"I don't know son, I'm still paying."

W HY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well.....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:





Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done,
A decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

Men only have two balls, they consume all his thoughts, then he sleeps like a baby.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

Bill and Earl are out playing golf.

They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.

Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased.

"This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop.

"My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop.

"But how do we know which is which?"

They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.

"Lets cut off this ones tail"

The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail.

The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad.

The two cops see this and ask whats wrong.

"You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!"

"But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart."

"Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one.?!"

MAKES ME PROUD TO BE AN AUSSIE

'Hello, is this the police?'
'Yes it is. How can we help you?'
'I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Wazza. He's hiding Cocaine inside his firewood!'
'Thank you very much for the call.'
The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers.
They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine.

The phone rings at Wazza's house. 'Hey, Wazz, Did the cops come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop up your firewood?'
'Yep.'
'Happy Birthday', mate!

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox informing me I can have sex at 82 !
I'm so very happy, because I live at 74,
so it's not too far to walk home afterwards.

A guy went to the Dentist to have a tooth extracted and when the Dentist went to give him a needle the Guy said dont bother as he had suffered the two greatest Pains known to mankind.

The Dentist said Ok and proceeded to extract the Tooth which proved a little difficult and he had to cut the Gum as the Tooth smashed in half. The Guy in the Dentist Chair di not even flinch.

As the Dentist was cleaning up he said to the Patient "That was amazing as you did not show any discomfort at all. Now tell me what were the two most terrible Pains that you suffered "

The Patient said well the second most terrible Pain was when I was out in the Bush one day when I had to go to the Toilet and when I squatted down I sat on a Rabbit Trap which caught me on the Testicles.

The Dentist said Bloody hell that would have hurt and what was the most terrible Pain.

The Patient said
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When I hit the end of the Chain

A scratch golfer hits his ball three hundred yards straight down the fairway, and it hits a sprinkler and careens off into the woods. He finds the ball, but trees surround it. He s pissed, says what the hell, grabs his nine-iron, and hits the ball as hard as he can. It bounces off a tree back at the golfer’s head and kills him.
He arrives in heaven, and God himself is at the Pearly Gates to greet him. Looking up his records, God sees that the guy golf’s and says, “Are you any good?”
The golfer looks at God and says, “I got here in two, didn’t I?”

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'this is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Sheesh!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of chips, and we decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

A woman goes into Myer to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to
The counter.
The Myer salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the
Counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the
Sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
And 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale
This week for $44."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
Dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At
First she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind
Salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was
On sale for $44. How did you get to $58.50?"
The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."