PMC
15th February 2013, 12:32 PM
G'day lounge lizards!
As previously advised, my wife and I have been married for 22 years, in that period I have never been admitted to hospital or suffered from any serious injury.
However, over the last 18 months the following has occurred to me;
October 2011 Firstly, due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse! (a large pimple i thought that could be cured by panadol and a few beers!!!!!!) I was suddenly rushed to the Coffs Harbour hospital suffering from a perianal abscess with a temp of 40 degrees. (So much for the pimple idea!)
November 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded (what i called the Gaddafi abscess) attacking my pelvic floor muscle resulting in a perianal fistula (What a shit-full experience that was)
December 2011, After fighting for my life due to a bowl obstruction, I was then flown by the royal flying doctors from Baringa private hospital in Coffs to Greenslopes hospital in Brisbane. I was then diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser i said and by the way what the fark is Crohns disease i said!)
January 2012, I was further advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the rabbits I said!)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol, it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (holy sho-molly, What am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and then fell out of the car. smashing my face on the drive-way!
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I still cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with frying pan!!!!!!!)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to hospital whilst throwing up in a bucket. 12 hours and 18 stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home.
September 2012, the sleep specialist informs me that now have been diagnosed with sleep apnea ( i am thinking to myself there goes the money for the turbo upgrade and 3 inch exhaust!)
December 2012, Crohns disease specialist at the Wesley Hospital in Brisbane advise me that my Crohns is in remission and that i can have the shit bag removed and my bowel reconnected in Jan 2013. Ye Ha Cape York here i come baby!
January 2013, unable to perform surgery on bowel, due to timing of Crohns infusion treatment! My wife and I are advised my operation to be rescheduled to 11th March. I am starting to wounder if i am going to make Cape York in August! (I just want to get this shit-bag removed!)
February 2013 my nightmare begins all over again!, I have been having trouble breathing through my nose over the last 6 months, so i visited my local ear, nose and throat specialist on the 1st of Feb only to be informed that i need surgery to remove polyp's that have blocked my sinuses. Operation planned for April. ( i am thinking to myself what more can go wrong!)
Over the last twelve months, i having be suffering from chronic neck pain, i thought this was due to me sleeping on my left side. Due to bowel surgery and having a shit-bag attached to my right side, i usually slept on my right side. I go to the docs, he sends me for a CT scan, i go back to the docs on the 8th Feb only to be shocked by doc, who advises me that he has more bad-news and i need surgery to correct C5/6 discs which have narrowed to the extent they are impinging on my cervical cord. Farken great i said, I am thinking to myself, i still cannot remember breaking any mirrors over the last 12 months.
Sunday 10th Feb, i wake up with chronic pain in the arse! the same area that i had the dreaded abscess 14 months ago. Folks, my sense of humor has now faded, I went to the docs on Monday 11th Feb, DOC organised me for another MRI scan at Coffs Harbour Radiology on Wednesday 13th Feb, at same time rushed me into see my bowel surgeon on Friday 15th Feb.
Folks, when it comes to luck, (i feel like a one legged man in an arse kicking competition!) I have just been advised by the surgeon that i need another operation on my bowel next week! I am absolutely farken stunned at present! I have further been advised that i cannot have the stoma bag removed in March because the bloody Crohns disease as come back! fark it, i am really stating to hate this disease now!
What really hurts even more, is that my wife and I are due to have our 3 child in the next two weeks and at present for the first time in my life, i really feel that i have hit a brick-wall! I just feel like going down to the local knackers yard and say boy's put me down!
Regards,
Paul (RLI)
As previously advised, my wife and I have been married for 22 years, in that period I have never been admitted to hospital or suffered from any serious injury.
However, over the last 18 months the following has occurred to me;
October 2011 Firstly, due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse! (a large pimple i thought that could be cured by panadol and a few beers!!!!!!) I was suddenly rushed to the Coffs Harbour hospital suffering from a perianal abscess with a temp of 40 degrees. (So much for the pimple idea!)
November 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded (what i called the Gaddafi abscess) attacking my pelvic floor muscle resulting in a perianal fistula (What a shit-full experience that was)
December 2011, After fighting for my life due to a bowl obstruction, I was then flown by the royal flying doctors from Baringa private hospital in Coffs to Greenslopes hospital in Brisbane. I was then diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser i said and by the way what the fark is Crohns disease i said!)
January 2012, I was further advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the rabbits I said!)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol, it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (holy sho-molly, What am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and then fell out of the car. smashing my face on the drive-way!
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I still cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with frying pan!!!!!!!)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to hospital whilst throwing up in a bucket. 12 hours and 18 stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home.
September 2012, the sleep specialist informs me that now have been diagnosed with sleep apnea ( i am thinking to myself there goes the money for the turbo upgrade and 3 inch exhaust!)
December 2012, Crohns disease specialist at the Wesley Hospital in Brisbane advise me that my Crohns is in remission and that i can have the shit bag removed and my bowel reconnected in Jan 2013. Ye Ha Cape York here i come baby!
January 2013, unable to perform surgery on bowel, due to timing of Crohns infusion treatment! My wife and I are advised my operation to be rescheduled to 11th March. I am starting to wounder if i am going to make Cape York in August! (I just want to get this shit-bag removed!)
February 2013 my nightmare begins all over again!, I have been having trouble breathing through my nose over the last 6 months, so i visited my local ear, nose and throat specialist on the 1st of Feb only to be informed that i need surgery to remove polyp's that have blocked my sinuses. Operation planned for April. ( i am thinking to myself what more can go wrong!)
Over the last twelve months, i having be suffering from chronic neck pain, i thought this was due to me sleeping on my left side. Due to bowel surgery and having a shit-bag attached to my right side, i usually slept on my right side. I go to the docs, he sends me for a CT scan, i go back to the docs on the 8th Feb only to be shocked by doc, who advises me that he has more bad-news and i need surgery to correct C5/6 discs which have narrowed to the extent they are impinging on my cervical cord. Farken great i said, I am thinking to myself, i still cannot remember breaking any mirrors over the last 12 months.
Sunday 10th Feb, i wake up with chronic pain in the arse! the same area that i had the dreaded abscess 14 months ago. Folks, my sense of humor has now faded, I went to the docs on Monday 11th Feb, DOC organised me for another MRI scan at Coffs Harbour Radiology on Wednesday 13th Feb, at same time rushed me into see my bowel surgeon on Friday 15th Feb.
Folks, when it comes to luck, (i feel like a one legged man in an arse kicking competition!) I have just been advised by the surgeon that i need another operation on my bowel next week! I am absolutely farken stunned at present! I have further been advised that i cannot have the stoma bag removed in March because the bloody Crohns disease as come back! fark it, i am really stating to hate this disease now!
What really hurts even more, is that my wife and I are due to have our 3 child in the next two weeks and at present for the first time in my life, i really feel that i have hit a brick-wall! I just feel like going down to the local knackers yard and say boy's put me down!
Regards,
Paul (RLI)