PMC
3rd October 2012, 09:30 PM
My wife and I have been married for 20 years, in that period I have never been admitted to hospital or suffered from any serious injury. Over the last 20 years, I have worked in the security industry as a weapons and defensive tactics instructor, and night club security manager. I have had more farken fights than most people have had hot dinners.
However, over the last 11 months the following has occurred to me;
October 2011 Firstly, due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse! (a large pimple i thought that could be cured by panadol and a few beers!!!!!!) I was suddenly rushed to the Coffs Harbour hospital suffering from a perianal abscess with a temp of 40 degrees. (So much for the pimple idea!)
November 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded (what i called the Gaddafi abscess) attacking my pelvic floor muscle resulting in a perianal fistula (What a shit-full experience that was)
December 2011, After fighting for my life due to a bowl obstruction, I was then flown by the royal flying doctors (great folks these people) from Baringa private hospital in Coffs to Greenslopes hospital in Brisbane. I was then diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser i said and by the way what the fark is Crohns disease i said!)
January 2012, I was further advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the rabbits I said!)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol, it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (holy sho-molly, What am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and then fell out of the car. smashing my face on the drive-way!
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en-suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I still cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with frying pan!!!!!!!)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to hospital whilst throwing up in a bucket. 12 hours and 18 stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home.
September 2012, the sleep specialist informs me that now have been diagnosed with sleep apnea ( i am thinking to myself there goes the money for the turbo upgrade and 3 inch exhaust!)
I still cannot remember breaking any mirrors over the last 12 months. When it comes to luck, (i feel like a one legged man in an arse kicking competition!)
PS, is there any member on this great forum that sells lucky charms? I need one please ASAP!
Regards,
RLI
:sterb003:
However, over the last 11 months the following has occurred to me;
October 2011 Firstly, due to sudden excruciating pain that occurred in the arse! (a large pimple i thought that could be cured by panadol and a few beers!!!!!!) I was suddenly rushed to the Coffs Harbour hospital suffering from a perianal abscess with a temp of 40 degrees. (So much for the pimple idea!)
November 2011, this then led me to be hospitalized for 4 months due to the dreaded (what i called the Gaddafi abscess) attacking my pelvic floor muscle resulting in a perianal fistula (What a shit-full experience that was)
December 2011, After fighting for my life due to a bowl obstruction, I was then flown by the royal flying doctors (great folks these people) from Baringa private hospital in Coffs to Greenslopes hospital in Brisbane. I was then diagnosed with the dreaded Crohns disease (what a pisser i said and by the way what the fark is Crohns disease i said!)
January 2012, I was further advised that I have to have Remicade infusions every eight weeks for the rest of my life (thank your mother for the rabbits I said!)
February 2012, I then tore the ligament in my left wrist whilst installing the suspension kit to the Patrol, it took eight weeks to recover (fark me swinging I said )
March 2012, the specialist advises me that due to the many abscesses in my bowel that I should consider having my whole bowel removed. (“Like farkkkk I said”)
April 2012, I then tore a muscle in my right shoulder whilst working on my camper trailer; this took four weeks to recover. (holy sho-molly, What am i doing wrong i said)
June 2012, wife tells me that we are expecting child number three (farkkkkkk meeeeee I said very calmly)
July 2012, I went out to the local watering hole with a few mates to celebrate/ (commiserate) the stunning/ (shocking) news that a 51 year old love-beast can still throw a leg! This turned into a disaster. After 3 hours of drinking the wife came to pick me up, I fell into the car. Got home and then fell out of the car. smashing my face on the drive-way!
I went to bed, got out of bed after 2 minutes due to the bed started to spin, staggered into our en-suite and spent the next two hours driving the porcelain bus (the toilet bowl.) I still cannot remember what happened next only to say I woke up throwing up all over the Para-medic. (I still cannot remember the wife hitting me with frying pan!!!!!!!)
Apparently, the wife alleges, that she heard one almighty crash, when she entered the bathroom she found me unconscious on the floor covered in blood surrounded by broken glass everywhere. As a nurse she could not stop the bleeding so she called the ambulance.
All I remember is that one sore and sorry love beast being taken to hospital whilst throwing up in a bucket. 12 hours and 18 stitches later, I was finally discharged and sent home.
September 2012, the sleep specialist informs me that now have been diagnosed with sleep apnea ( i am thinking to myself there goes the money for the turbo upgrade and 3 inch exhaust!)
I still cannot remember breaking any mirrors over the last 12 months. When it comes to luck, (i feel like a one legged man in an arse kicking competition!)
PS, is there any member on this great forum that sells lucky charms? I need one please ASAP!
Regards,
RLI
:sterb003: