The Joke Thread

[BillsGU]

Paddy gets a job driving trucks.

He takes a wrong turn and gets his truck stuck under a low bridge.

The local policeman comes up to Paddy and says "Paddy, what on earth are you up to?"

Paddy says "I was delivering this bridge - but I've lost the address!"

[Bob]

The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest.
“I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me,
so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.”
It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back.
“I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.”
“You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here?
Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a cheque for the full $150,000!”

[BillsGU]

Two VD germs are walking along a railway line.

Before they realise it a train comes around the corner at a very high speed.

Before it runs over them one VD germ turns to the other and says -

"I think I'm a gonner here".

[mudnut]

Broke and homeless, Mick and Paddy were hitch hiking in search of work. They came across a sign advertising for Tree Fellers.

Mick turns to Paddy and says, 'We needn't try goin' for that job, cause there's only two of us."

[AB]

Bloody GU drivers

[4bye4]

Bloody GU drivers

Let the tyres down to about 10psi and drive it out.

[GQtdauto]

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the
bicycle,the bottle would break,
so I drank all the Scotch before I rode home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because
I fell off my bicycle several times on my way home

This has to be joke of the year !

[Bush Ranger]

Two vomits walked past the local pub and one of the spews started to bag the place, on how it was a real dive. They serve shoddy grub, terrible drinks that are warm as hell, the toilets are garbage, the whole place stinks and you get spoken to in a cr@ppy manner. The other vomit says steady up mate, I was brought up here.

[GeeYou8]

Let the tyres down to about 10psi and drive it out.

Nah, pressure clean the underside first while you have the chance.

[TPC]

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