A must read to seriously make your day!!!

[mudski]

This happened to me recently flying Jetstar Melb to Townsville...

Thank you for the laugh Phil. Great read.

[Plasnart]

This happened to me recently flying Jetstar Melb to Townsville - if it wasn't done on the basis of ensuring safety it would be quite Bad. The actors - ME, and Spiro the Greek Non compliant ex Xray baggage inspector - very heavy greek accent.

I fly with a backpack that contains more crap than a non testicle bearing human - must be gender sensitive now. Some for direct need, some out of laziness and some out of a torment to the Xray scanner person him/ her /he/ she/ unsure sure they are changing - unsure into what

1) present bag to xray scanner and it gets singled out
2) Spiro grabs bag and without looking at the xray pronounces in a loud voice, 'well what have you got in your bag mateeee?
3) what I have to list what is in the bag?
4) Maaate, are youse carrying booolitttssss (bullets translation)?
5) no I reply
6) Are youse sure maate, I am getting very nervous maaate, there is boooolitttsssss inside this bag Mate
7) there are no bullets in the bag
8) arze youse carrying a gun maaaattteee in da bag with da booolitttsss?
9) no mate, not today - first mistake on my part
10) maaattte I am gettinnng very nervusss and a bit frightenened maaaatee that there are boolittzs and a gun in this bag maaate
11) I have just told you no bullets and no gun
12) where eggactley maate are the bullets maate and the gun?
13) no idea because they are not in the bag- second mistake
14) ohhh maaate I am getting vuurrrrry frightened now, hey you too come over he he signals to some of his equally intelligent workmates - 'What do ya fink this stufff is?
15) aaaahhhh maybe some lidddllee batteries, number 2 states, maybe screws - naaaaah Spiro now pronounces in a higher volume - Naaaah I fink it is booolllitttts, and there might be a gun in here as well
16) By now I am smiling and laughing and the crowd is starting to form,
17) Sprio then again asks 'where egggacterlatly are the bulllllootts and da gun maaate? Where in daaaa bag maaate?
18) Unsure where you should start to look mate - third mistake
19) weellll maaate I am getting vurrrrry vurrry nervous maaateee, I might have to get da police maaate - you need to help me maaate
20) I cant give you the help you actually need mate - just open the fucking bag so I can get on the plane - fourth mistake
21) what you mean, you not gunna help me to find the buuullllitttz? - hey you, go get da polize man ober dere
22) Crowd getting bigger
23) Again maaaate, where is da bulllllettzs
24) helper no 2 says to Spiro, just open the fuckin' bag spiro , I want to go to the toilet.
25) Spiro yells at No 2 - donnnnn ya talk to me like dat, respectful maaaate thats what we have to be, turning back to me he repeats, respectful maaate
26) What do you define as resptful, for fuck sake I will open the bag - mistake number 4
27) donnne ya touch da bag maaate, there are booolitttzz and a gun inthe bag and tha cops are on da way - crowd now starts to back up a bit
28) OK, whatever, get a robot and the bomb squad out here for all I care - mistake number 5
29) ohhhh maaaateeee, yous saying ya have a bomb in da bag as well? I am getting vuurrrry fucking nervous maaaate
30) Open the bag ya goose I am going to miss my plane.
31) Federal police arrive - whats going on?
32) I jump in - the xray machine has detected something that this genius interprets as bullets and also an imaginery gun and an imaginery bomb. There is none of these in the bag, but he is very frightened and wont open the bag to confirm. I offered to open the bag but he wont accept that either.
33) Plod looks at Spiro and Spiro blurts out, I am vurrrryyyy nervous maaate - he has booolllitttz and a gun and bomb in da bag and I am scaredmaaate
34) Plod looks back at me and at Spiro, and at the now building crowd - then asks me - are you carrying any of the items they claim - No I answer
35) Plod 2 then asks if its ok if he can look at the xray screen
36) Plod 2 asks Plod 1 to open the top zip to conduct a search - Spiro says I am vurrry worry maaaate
37) Plod 1 asks me for permission which I give to search the bag
38) unzips and starts to empty the bags into the tray, and straight away finds a small screw driver set, for reading glasses, minature size
39) Plod 1 says maybe this is what it is? Put the bag back thru the scanner
40) toolkit does not show up so the PlODs conclude this is the bullittzs.
41) Plod turns to Spiro, states, I think this is resolved - you ok?
42) ooohhhh maaaate I fink I needsszs a break maaate mate, I am so frightened and worried maaaattttezs, Fank youse fo coming maaate
43) Plod 1 turns to me and says can we have a chat?
44) I gather my bag up and Plod 1 says, Sorry mate, this guy is a lunatic, sick of coming over here for false alarms - always him - maybe try and choose a different scan line next time. Have a good day

This is as accurate as I can recall, total balls up, thought I was in a comedy sketch at one point.

Anyway, these tools have been in the bag for 9 months never picked up before with dozens of scans, but lucky we have resources protecting us that can convert images into potential weapons anyway. Gold Star and chocolate frog in the mail to Spiro.

So, dont travel with anything resembling a tool in future, but you might be able to take your pet octopus as long as it does not look like a cluster bomb.

Happy travels my friends. ( the names of the persons in this report have been changed to protect the stupid.

Hey Phil I reckon I copped Spiro at Tullamarine on Tuesday mate. At security I go through the body scanner and it’s Spiro in front of me checking his screen. “Stay right hete Siirrr I need to do some closer checks here.” He points to the body image in the screen and both legs and entire torso were lit up. “It’s coz of your reflective stripes in your clothes Siirr. Do you consent to me performing a pat down? Can I touch your boddee?” “Sure” I said and he goes hands on up my back then down my legs. “But not my balls OK?” And he recoiled off instantly and said “All good fanks Siirr…”. Haha couldn’t get away from me quick enough after balls were spoken of while he was feeling me up! Lol

[PeeBee]

Spiro is a very masculine man and would never consider molesting your balls, especially after you made everyone aware of your sensitivity!

[Plasnart]

This happened to me recently flying Jetstar Melb to Townsville - if it wasn't done on the basis of ensuring safety it would be quite Bad. The actors - ME, and Spiro the Greek Non compliant ex Xray baggage inspector - very heavy greek accent.

I fly with a backpack that contains more crap than a non testicle bearing human - must be gender sensitive now. Some for direct need, some out of laziness and some out of a torment to the Xray scanner person him/ her /he/ she/ unsure sure they are changing - unsure into what

1) present bag to xray scanner and it gets singled out
2) Spiro grabs bag and without looking at the xray pronounces in a loud voice, 'well what have you got in your bag mateeee?
3) what I have to list what is in the bag?
4) Maaate, are youse carrying booolitttssss (bullets translation)?
5) no I reply
6) Are youse sure maate, I am getting very nervous maaate, there is boooolitttsssss inside this bag Mate
7) there are no bullets in the bag
8) arze youse carrying a gun maaaattteee in da bag with da booolitttsss?
9) no mate, not today - first mistake on my part
10) maaattte I am gettinnng very nervusss and a bit frightenened maaaatee that there are boolittzs and a gun in this bag maaate
11) I have just told you no bullets and no gun
12) where eggactley maate are the bullets maate and the gun?
13) no idea because they are not in the bag- second mistake
14) ohhh maaate I am getting vuurrrrry frightened now, hey you too come over he he signals to some of his equally intelligent workmates - 'What do ya fink this stufff is?
15) aaaahhhh maybe some lidddllee batteries, number 2 states, maybe screws - naaaaah Spiro now pronounces in a higher volume - Naaaah I fink it is booolllitttts, and there might be a gun in here as well
16) By now I am smiling and laughing and the crowd is starting to form,
17) Sprio then again asks 'where egggacterlatly are the bulllllootts and da gun maaate? Where in daaaa bag maaate?
18) Unsure where you should start to look mate - third mistake
19) weellll maaate I am getting vurrrrry vurrry nervous maaateee, I might have to get da police maaate - you need to help me maaate
20) I cant give you the help you actually need mate - just open the fucking bag so I can get on the plane - fourth mistake
21) what you mean, you not gunna help me to find the buuullllitttz? - hey you, go get da polize man ober dere
22) Crowd getting bigger
23) Again maaaate, where is da bulllllettzs
24) helper no 2 says to Spiro, just open the fuckin' bag spiro , I want to go to the toilet.
25) Spiro yells at No 2 - donnnnn ya talk to me like dat, respectful maaaate thats what we have to be, turning back to me he repeats, respectful maaate
26) What do you define as resptful, for fuck sake I will open the bag - mistake number 4
27) donnne ya touch da bag maaate, there are booolitttzz and a gun inthe bag and tha cops are on da way - crowd now starts to back up a bit
28) OK, whatever, get a robot and the bomb squad out here for all I care - mistake number 5
29) ohhhh maaaateeee, yous saying ya have a bomb in da bag as well? I am getting vuurrrry fucking nervous maaaate
30) Open the bag ya goose I am going to miss my plane.
31) Federal police arrive - whats going on?
32) I jump in - the xray machine has detected something that this genius interprets as bullets and also an imaginery gun and an imaginery bomb. There is none of these in the bag, but he is very frightened and wont open the bag to confirm. I offered to open the bag but he wont accept that either.
33) Plod looks at Spiro and Spiro blurts out, I am vurrrryyyy nervous maaate - he has booolllitttz and a gun and bomb in da bag and I am scaredmaaate
34) Plod looks back at me and at Spiro, and at the now building crowd - then asks me - are you carrying any of the items they claim - No I answer
35) Plod 2 then asks if its ok if he can look at the xray screen
36) Plod 2 asks Plod 1 to open the top zip to conduct a search - Spiro says I am vurrry worry maaaate
37) Plod 1 asks me for permission which I give to search the bag
38) unzips and starts to empty the bags into the tray, and straight away finds a small screw driver set, for reading glasses, minature size
39) Plod 1 says maybe this is what it is? Put the bag back thru the scanner
40) toolkit does not show up so the PlODs conclude this is the bullittzs.
41) Plod turns to Spiro, states, I think this is resolved - you ok?
42) ooohhhh maaaate I fink I needsszs a break maaate mate, I am so frightened and worried maaaattttezs, Fank youse fo coming maaate
43) Plod 1 turns to me and says can we have a chat?
44) I gather my bag up and Plod 1 says, Sorry mate, this guy is a lunatic, sick of coming over here for false alarms - always him - maybe try and choose a different scan line next time. Have a good day

This is as accurate as I can recall, total balls up, thought I was in a comedy sketch at one point.

Anyway, these tools have been in the bag for 9 months never picked up before with dozens of scans, but lucky we have resources protecting us that can convert images into potential weapons anyway. Gold Star and chocolate frog in the mail to Spiro.

So, dont travel with anything resembling a tool in future, but you might be able to take your pet octopus as long as it does not look like a cluster bomb.

Happy travels my friends. ( the names of the persons in this report have been changed to protect the stupid.

Hey PB, I think your mate has a new job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CvDQYzoS3g

[PeeBee]

Thats a pissa Plassy, thanks.

[mudski]

Bloody gold Plassy!