Funny stories....now

[DX grunt]

Time for another coffee spraying thread, so get those plastic keyboard and monitor covers out....

Many years ago, when one of my kids was about 2 years old, we owned an 8 seater.

One day, he climbed into it and locked himself in. After a couple of attempts to coax him out, he wouldn't open the door, so I would run around to each door trying to open it. But he would be quicker than me and press the button to lock it.

Eventually I would bang on a window and in a stern voice tell him to open the car door.
Like any 2 yo, he thought it was a joke.

Well as I was about to bang on the window, he stuck his face against it, and when I did bang on it, I knocked his front tooth out.

A quick trip to the dentist wasn't the answer. His gum got infected and he had his tooth taken out under general anaesetic. He didn't like dentists for a few years after that.

He couldn't grasp a few words properly because air would slip through betweeen his tongue and the missing tooth. He would say things like, fings, fongs, fanks and sanks.

Anyway, for the next 4 or 5 years, I saw this big cheezy smile from this cute looking kid, with one tooth missing. I felt so sorry for him. Thankfully it was his baby tooth and his second set turned out fine. His school photos portrayed him with a big smile but mouth closed! Wonder why?

I felt so guilty, but all's good now. He's turning 17, 196cm, about 90kg and has a head full of teeth. I wouldn't try that now though!

Over to you.....

[AB]

Ok cards on the table...

I was dating a croation lady who of course had a croation father.

This guy was huge. I'm not a small bloke but this guy was atleast 6'5, built like a brick and looked scary.

First time meeting the olds i came into the house and everyone was sitting at the coffee table.

I walked up to shake the dad's hand and as i walked over to the lounge room rug their belovered 20 year old German Sheppard came running infront of me.

My girrafe legs accidently kicked the dog square in the head and this all mighty yelping came out and the dog ran off crying as i held my hand out waiting for the hand shake from a very angry croation man.

I turned red as a raddish and eventually got my hand shake but to top it off I took his daughter out, bought her home and of course i stayed in the other room but couldnt sleep.

I went to the fridge to get a beer and as i grabbed a beer from the fridge he walked past the hallway and saw me taking one of his beers and gave me a death stare. Like fire was coming out of his eyes burning me!!!

I broke up with her 3 days later....This guy was mad and i was scared...lol

[DX grunt]

More cards on the table.....

When I first went and met my ex's Italian parents, I was told of a tradition to 'kiss' on both cheeks. I accepted their Italian tradition in good faith until one day I kissed the father on both cheeks. Only thing was... he had 3 days growth. Never done it since. YUK, YUK, spit, spit, spit. PS. they are still lovely people, but yuk still..

[AB]

I would say 50/50.

Should I go into the room but what if mad dog croation catches me....lol

[DX grunt]

I would say 50/50.

Should I go into the room but what if mad dog croation catches me....lol

???? intent ???? lololol

[YNOT]

During my high school years, my best mate Ed and I used to ride our bikes to and from school everyday. In the mornings I would ride to his place, then we'd ride to school together. Part of the ride to school was getting up on the wet grass riding down one particular hill, and doing the biggest wildest skids we could.
One afternoon we agreed to swap bikes for the night. What I didn't realise until the ride to school the following day, was during the night, the clever bugger switched the brake cables around on my bike. The ride to school the next day started the same as any other, until we got up on the wet grass. As usual I hit it with a good bit of speed, leaned foward and grabbed the rear brakes......only it was the front brakes now!!! Well, I went over the handle bars, travelled about 10 feet through the air before crashing over a chain wire fence, and rolling down the wet grass. it must have been spectacular because Ed nearly wet himself laughing, and was incoherrent for some time afterwards.
Having crashed my bikes many times before, I crashed quite well, and came away with nothing more than grass stains on my school uniform.

Tony

[Maxhead]

That's where you went wrong Andy, you should have walked in with a bottle of vodka or grapa for the old man and he would have loved you from first sight......and the daughter would have been yours..haha.
The Croats love their drink

[AB]

Grapa sends shivers up my spine.

Quick hijack...Friends wedding, wife to be croation, drunk gallons of grapa and ended up at a teeny bopper nightclub looking like a freak dressed up and got home at 7am....Grapa!!! Took me 2 days to know my name again.

[locks]

During my high school years, my best mate Ed and I used to ride our bikes to and from school everyday. In the mornings I would ride to his place, then we'd ride to school together. Part of the ride to school was getting up on the wet grass riding down one particular hill, and doing the biggest wildest skids we could.
One afternoon we agreed to swap bikes for the night. What I didn't realise until the ride to school the following day, was during the night, the clever bugger switched the brake cables around on my bike. The ride to school the next day started the same as any other, until we got up on the wet grass. As usual I hit it with a good bit of speed, leaned foward and grabbed the rear brakes......only it was the front brakes now!!! Well, I went over the handle bars, travelled about 10 feet through the air before crashing over a chain wire fence, and rolling down the wet grass. it must have been spectacular because Ed nearly wet himself laughing, and was incoherrent for some time afterwards.
Having crashed my bikes many times before, I crashed quite well, and came away with nothing more than grass stains on my school uniform.

Tony

You have to give him credit for that trick though...lol

My computer nerd friend set me up one day by changing the sound on my laptop computer. He changed the shutting down computer sound to a girl having an Orgasm. So when i shut my computer down at school rather than the normal windows "good bye sound" this girl started to scream and moan which made me look like i was watching po-rn. Everyone looked at me and laughed and there was no way i could stop it.

The sound just kept going and going and going and all I could was to press and hold the button down to force the computer to stop. I couldve killed him that day and no one believed me that Owen set me up. I kopt it hard for many months after that...lol

[YNOT]

I first met Ed back in preschool, we've been mates ever since. I was best man at his wedding, he's been best man at both of mine. Most of my funniest memories have him in them.
Ed and I, and often our mate Chris, spent many a booze fueled night at the Sunnybank Hotel. Come closing time, we'd walk out through the carpark, and more often than not find a shopping trolley. Ed's place was about 4 km from the pub, 3/4 of it down hill, so trollies were a great way to get home. One of us in the trolley, the other behind getting it moving and attempt to keep it pointed roughly in the right direction.
One night we must have found 2 trollies, because Ed had one to himself. We'd run like buggery then jump up (bob sled style) and land our feet on the back of the trolley riding it till it stopped, usually on its side. Ed got a bit over enthusiastic with one of his jumps, with his hands firmly gripping the handle, he leapt up, but his feet missed the target. With his weight now forward of his hands, he proceed to gracefully tip head first into the trolley, his feet high in the air. That's how he remained for about the next 150-200 metres as his sled bumped, bucked and pirhouetted down the road untill it inevitably crashed into the concrete gutter sending him cartwheeling over the foot path.

Tony