The Joke Thread

[patch697]

OK so I'm a fan of stupid jokes. Here's the latest to tickle my funny bone:

A chicken crossed the road and bumped into James Bond. The chicken asks "What's your name?"

"Bond.....James Bond. And you are?"

"Ken.....Chick Ken".

OMG Plassy I think Friday night has really really got to you, maybe you should lay down mate

[patch697]

heh heh I warned you. I'm a fan of simple jokes!

Yeah but how simple will simple get??????????.......lololol & don't go asking me, why did the beer sh!t in the woods............lolol

[Woof]

Whats Big and Red and eats Rocks..........................................A Big Red Rock Eater
What is Green and has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would hurt you.......................................A Pool Table
Anyone want any more or is that enough from me....... lol

[DX grunt]

Whats Big and Red and eats Rocks..........................................A Big Red Rock Eater
What is Green and has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would hurt you.......................................A Pool Table
Anyone want any more or is that enough from me....... lol

Bring em on Dogman. They're from WA, so they must be funny. lololol

[CoR]

Have you heard about the new Irish viagra??







































It's 99% FAT free!

[DX grunt]

Nearly another keyboard CoR. Well done bro!!!

[patch697]

Whats Big and Red and eats Rocks..........................................A Big Red Rock Eater
What is Green and has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would hurt you.......................................A Pool Table
Anyone want any more or is that enough from me....... lol

Your top Dog.... You tell us..........lol

[CoR]

lol.

Why do mexican women have bowed legs?

So the men can eat with their hats on!

[CoR]

Oh got another one:


WIFE FROM HELL


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'



'Only when he's been drinking'

[patch697]

Oh got another one:


WIFE FROM HELL


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'



'Only when he's been drinking'

Thats a cracker Cor & you know we only Laugh cos it could be true..........lol