The Joke Thread

[Bob]

Bob , Roofy & AB all Die but they don't go to Heaven but to Hell.

Bob is lead into Room 650 and there lying on the Bed is oldest Hag that you can imagine.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Bob for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity."

Roofy is led into Room 690 and there lying on the Bed is a Ugly Pox ridden Woman of the Night.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Roofy for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity."

AB is led into Room 700 and there lying naked on the Bed is Bo Dereck with an inviting look in her eyes.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Bo Dereck for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

[Touses]

Paddy and Seamus are staggering home from the pub. They stumble across the local rail line and begin following it. After quite a spell Seamus , in the lead, slurs to Paddy "This is the longest feckin stairway I've ever known." Paddy struggling behind replies "Yes and it got the lowest feckin handrail to be sure."

[Touses]

Paddy and Seamus, in their usual state of inebriation, are taking a 'shortcut' home. Little do they know that a circus has set up on the town common and they stagger straight onto the 'tame' bear chained in the middle of said common. A terrible melee ensues, screaming, cursing, the bear roaring but the lads manage to break free and make good their escape. Arriving home they inspect each others injuries from the fray.
"Ah" says Paddy "yer in a shockin state you are, shockin!"
"And you too Paddy, tis a horrible sight you are n all, horrible. You know Paddy I believe that was Michael O'Malley, the drunken bastid, who so unfairly attacked us back there." replies Seamus
"Well" says Paddy "we'll fix the coont. We'll sneak back later and steal the feckers fur coat!"

[Bob]

Bob , Roofy & AB all Die but they don't go to Heaven but to Hell.

Bob is lead into Room 650 and there lying on the Bed is oldest Hag that you can imagine.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Bob for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity."

Roofy is led into Room 690 and there lying on the Bed is a Ugly Pox ridden Woman of the Night.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Roofy for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity."

AB is led into Room 700 and there lying naked on the Bed is Bo Dereck with an inviting look in her eyes.
The Door is welded shut and a voice comes over the Intercom that says "Bo Dereck for all your Sins on Earth this is what you must suffer for eternity.

@AB

Just to enforce the Message

[AB]

And suffer she will!!!


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[MB]

Genetically not possible;-)

[Bob]

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

[4bye4]

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

That explaines everything - we don't have a balcony.

[Bob]

This guy enters a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looked like a nice place and he then takes a seat at the bar next to another guy. "This is a nice place, I've never been here before," the first guy says.
"Oh really," the other replies, "it's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks.
"Well, you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gough, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" the first guy says.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out, you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way, that's impossible," the first guy replies.
"Not at all, take a look," the other man replies and walks over to the window, followed closely by the first man. He opens the window, climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up and sails back through the window.
"See, it's fun. You should try it!" he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window, again. He drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh!...he comes right back up and sails back through the window.
"Go ahead, give it a try, it's a blast!" he says.
"Well, what the heck, OK...I'll give it a try," the first man says and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10...20...30...40...50...100... 200...300...500...1000 feet and SPLAT!!!!... ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk below.
After calmly watching the first man fall to his death, the other guy casually closes the window and heads back to the bar and orders another drink.
The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk!"

[TPC]

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the
bicycle,the bottle would break,
so I drank all the Scotch before I rode home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because
I fell off my bicycle several times on my way home