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Proud former owner of a 1997 White GQ TD42 Patrol Cab Chassis with an after market turbo, now with over half a million k's and still going strong, that's had a heart transplant and now not owned by me
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning; can you believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
Three tortoises, Troy, Andy and Wayne, decide to go on a picnic.
Troy packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes
them ten days to get there. When they get there, Troy
unpacks the food and beer.
"Ok Wayne give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Wayne
"I thought you packed it"
Troy gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle
opener?"
Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from
home without a bottle opener.
Troy and Andy beg Wayne to go back for it.
But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.
After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives
that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Wayne sets off down the road at a steady pace.
20 days pass and he still isn't back and Troy and Andy are starving,
but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich
each, and just as they are about to eat them, Wayne pops
up from behind a rock and shouts,
"I knew it! ... I'm not f***ing going!"
1997 GQ Patrol RX, TB42E. Mods: OME 2" lift, 33" BFG KM2'S, ARB winch bar & reconditioned X9 Superwinch, IPF 900 spotties HID conversion, ARB side steps and scrub bars, Kaymar rear step & spare wheel carrier & jerry holder, Rear 55W LED worklight, Safari Snorkel, 147L LRA tank, Extended diff breathers, dual batteries, GME UHF, Home built drawer and fridge slide, ARB 60L fridge.
Three tortoises, Troy, Andy and Wayne, decide to go on a picnic.
Troy packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes
them ten days to get there. When they get there, Troy
unpacks the food and beer.
"Ok Wayne give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Wayne
"I thought you packed it"
Troy gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle
opener?"
Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from
home without a bottle opener.
Troy and Andy beg Wayne to go back for it.
But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.
After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives
that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Wayne sets off down the road at a steady pace.
20 days pass and he still isn't back and Troy and Andy are starving,
but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich
each, and just as they are about to eat them, Wayne pops
up from behind a rock and shouts,
"I knew it! ... I'm not f***ing going!"
Three women -- one engaged, one married and one a mistress --- are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. All three buy black leather bras " stiletto heels, and masks for their eyes. After a few days, they meet over lunch to compare notes.
The engaged women says:
The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me in the black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He said, "you are the woman of my life. I love you". Then we made love all night long.
The mistress says:
I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word -- but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman says:
I sent the kids to my mother's house all excited about having alone time with my husband. Had the lights dim, candles going, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos heels and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came to the door and saw me and said,"What's for dinner, BATMAN?
Originally Posted by Drewboyaus
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