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An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.
The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking
him out.
The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Bunnings."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the cops. While running they come across a small store, so they run in to hide. So the red head goes into a dog house, the brunette goes into a cat house, and the blonde goes into a potato sack. So the cops go in there, Whike looking for the three...one cop goes to the dog house and says "Is anybody in there?" So the red head goes "Bark Bark.". One other cop goes to the cat house and says "Is anybody in there?", So the brunette goes "Meow Meow." So another cop goes to the Potato sack and goes "Is anybody in there." So the Blonde goes "POOOTAAATOOOO."
Now the three are standing in front of the firing squad where the Sargent calls out the red head to come forward and he asks " Do you have any last words?" She yells out " TORNADO" so the firing squad turn around and the red head runs off. The sargent now a little angry calls forward the brunette and asks her for her last words and she yells out "FLOODS, FLOODS" and again while the firing squad turn away she does the bolt. Now really cheezed off the sargent calls for the blonde and asks her thru gritted teeth for her last words and she replies " FIRE!"
A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was. In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”